Friday, October 16, 2015

Cooking the Big Bird - Turkey Rebel


Wednesday - Arrgh.  I had just typed up three pithy paragraphs on preparing turkey and then lost them through my own stupidity. I was side-tracked by thinking that another reason retirement is so nice is not having to do weekend duty anymore, and pressed the wrong damn key.  (The worst part of weekend duty was not getting midnight phone calls from Orlando PIs, nor having to review badly-written petitions that had somehow passed the muster of dilatory supervisors, nor having to wake up at some obscene hour to drive to the Orange County Juvenile Courthouse, nor having to go through a really stupid security screening that would embarrass Homeland Security - no, the worst part was having to deal with strange and cranky judges who knew shit about Chapter 39 or the Rules of Juvenile Procedure and were terrified that their next bench assignment was going to be 2 years in dependency court in Osceola County, and who still hated HRS even though we changed the name in 1996 and privatized the whole frakking agency in the early 2000s.)


Back to the turkey - yes indeed, this bird is giving me a New York salute.  This morning, tired of turkey-regulatory bullshit, I decided to do it my way.  First of all, I rinsed that bird under cool water, just as I have been doing since Thanksgiving morning of 1974. In case you missed it, the government is now telling us NOT to rinse poultry before cooking it. Something about cross-contamination. So I rinsed the turkey, patted it dry, washed my hands in very hot, soapy water 20 or 100 times during the process, and when it was all over I wiped my counter tops with bleach spray.  Just like I've always done, and nobody has died yet from eating one of my turkeys.  No way am I going to shove a Dirty Bird in my oven and then serve it to people I love.  Besides, who trusts the government when it comes to germs?  Ebola, anybody?

The government and Alton Brown have also ordered us NOT to stuff our turkeys. Sorry Alton, but fuck that noise. I like stuffing in my turkey.  I also like dressing outside of my turkey. It's all about choice. I really don't want the government or the CDC or Food Network or Michelle Obama telling me what I can and can't do with my family's food.  Leave it to our government to ignore the needs of our veterans but legislate the joy out of Thanksgiving. So I not only rinsed the bird, I stuffed it. And I broke all those silly rules about "stuff it lightly because the stuffing will expand" and crammed in as much as I wanted, in the body cavity, the neck, the spaces between the leg and the breast. I like my stuffing smashed because that's the way my mother made it, and her stuffing was always the best part of the meal.  (Incidentally, I reheated that stuffing I prepared yesterday in the microwave, tasted and re-seasoned it, and stuffed the bird with nice warm stuffing, then immediately put it in the oven.  Cold stuffing, cold turkey, we'd be waiting until next Christmas.)

But wait - I went totally off the chain, and did not truss the birdie. I did not tuck the wings under the back. I don't care if the turkey doesn't look perfect - I want crispy skin all over, and besides, Norman Rockwell isn't coming to dinner.  I never present a whole turkey to company - "picture perfect" moment my ass - and chances are, I roasted, rested, and carved it the day before, reheating it under foil after a good splash of chicken stock to keep it moist.  

So this turkey has been scrubbed, overstuffed, and left to sprawl out, legs and wings akimbo, like a randy streetwalker.  It's in the convection oven at 350 degrees, covered with foil to give it a chance to heat all the way through before the skin-crisping begins. And there you have it, a turkey rebel. With a headache, a backache, and a Bad Attitude. After 4 hours, and a nice long rest to cool down (the turkey, not me.)


The bad attitude didn't last, however, because I got to spend some time in my Happy Place today, playing in the dirt. That was after the appointment with my therapist and the side trip to Trader Joe's in Dr. Phillips. While I was in Trader Joe's that stabbing pain started up, which did not stop me from buying 5 or 6 different cheeses, prosciutto, chocolate covered marshmallows, and that cookie butter my niece Rachel had been raving about. It did, however, suck every bit of joy out of the experience, and I was throwing Zantac down my throat as soon as I got back to the car.




I did some more transplanting, and then baked some beer cheese dinner muffins, and so totally overdid that there was no blog published on Thursday. I was too tired and too achy to finish the writing and add the photos regarding my Wednesday. I also woke up with one of the worst headaches I've had in a while and had to take some Advil before I could even get out of bed at what was frankly a slothful hour.




Fibromyalgia - can't live with it, can't kill anything to stop it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Hell NO, Joe - Turkey Stuffing

Linda did a fabulous job trimming hibiscus and bougainvillea

Tuesday - Having been incapacitated for the best part of a day, it is a relief that I was able to get out of bed this morning and pursue at least some of the tasks on my list.

I love lists. I love making them, and I love deleting items from them. Shopping lists, packing lists, to-do lists, I'm all about lists. I always had a list at work on the corner of my desk, and I have alway kept a small stalk of lists on my kitchen counter. I don't know if other people keep written lists, especially these days when your iPhone can make your list for you, but that's the way my grandmother did it and so do I. Many years ago, while visiting her son, my Uncle Marty, over Thanksgiving at his home in Cape Coral, I noticed that he too kept lists and other small, important scraps of paper in the corner of his kitchen counter.  Good thing I developed the family habit, otherwise at this point in my post-menopausal fibromyalgic life, I would forget everything.

Time to carpet-bomb Aphidistan

One item on my list was "aphid tonic" which is not as weird as it sounds. I officially declared war on the aphids that have been destroying my pepper plants, as well as damaging my tomato plants.  War means ordnance, and I have taken up the challenge.  No half measures here.  Aphid tonic is a cocktail of Murphy's Oil Soap, vegetable oil, rubbing alcohol and good old water, created by the Garden Rebel. Follow the link, he's an interesting guy. I made up a small amount and sprayed my slightly denuded pepper plants and my big jalapeño plant, early this morning before the sun had a chance to interfere. Now I have to wait and see if the little buggers return.

I had to trim off the really badly affected leaves

                                      

I froze the pork belly, flanken, and pork chops because there is enough food in my refrigerator to feed the neighborhood.  Another day, another month, when I am having a good day, I will cook them. Today, all I am cooking is the stuffing for the turkey.  No need to use up the benefit of yesterday's long rest on a turkey. Besides, the stuffing will taste better after sitting in the refrigerator overnight.


These are the ingredients for the stuffing - you know how to make stuffing, right?  easiest thing in the world. Sauté some of the stuff, add the rest of the stuff and then smush it all together. Bake it outside or inside a turkey. Enjoy.


1-8 oz. chorizo sausage, peeled and chopped fine
4 tablespoons garlic infused olive oil
4 tablespoons butter
1 very large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 red or yellow bell pepper, chopped
 4 or more cloves garlic, chopped
1 Gala apple, cored and chopped
1-14 oz. bag stuffing cubes
1 can Campbell's chicken broth
1 soup can water

kosher salt
ground black pepper
dried thyme
ground sage (plus 6 fresh leaves, chopped)
dried rosemary (plus a small amount of fresh leaves, chopped)
granulated garlic
Hungarian sweet paprika
ground ginger
ground cinnamon

Marigolds!

One other thing I did get done, although it wore me out I cannot lie, was a shopping trip to the garden department at Home Depot.  This was for herbs and pepper plants only. I'm not ready to plant directly into the garden, but I think I can manage the porch rail planters. Well, some of them. If my pictures ever transfer from the iPhone to the iPad, I'll be glad to show you.  I've even got marigolds to attract more bees.

More peppers - green, red, and poblano

Lemon thyme, and the oregano I salvaged from the garden

Onion chives, fernleaf dill, cilantro

Rosemary, sage, purple basil - still missing Italian parsley

Finally, the first Democratic Presidential debate occurred tonight. I hope you all watched it. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican, as you know. At this point in my life, I am politically conservative except when I am liberal. In my opinion, Hillary Clinton rocked that debate. I can also see why so many people like Bernie Sanders. Doesn't mean I would vote for him, but he's charismatic for sure.

Joe Biden, still "agonizing" over whether to run, did not appear. Having bypassed this critical first debate, he needs to stay out for good. If you screw this up for Hillary, old man, an awful lot of Democrats are going to be voting for Donald Trump. Don't be a spoiler, Joe - retire gracefully, be the elder statesman, help your party and its rightful candidate. In other words, sit down and shut up.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Tears for Fears

Monday - Waking up to another day of intense pain and depression.  Not sure why I bothered to wake up at all. Whatever tasks I had planned for today are not going to happen. I feel like I have been body slammed, and I am in tears.



I can''t eat. The extra pills I took - 2 Advil and 1 Zantac - have taken up all the available room in what I still refer to as my stomach.  When I have a fibro flair, I suffer with small muscle spasms that not only cause the body pain, but interfere with my ability to swallow and digest.

So I am spending the day in bed, according to my own rules for such dilatory behavior. Rule #1 - I am dressed, albeit casual. Rule #2 - I am sitting on top of the covers.  If I get chilly, cold feet, whatever, I throw a small afghan (a knit blanket, not an Afghani child) or some other kind of blanket over my feet. Today it is Cory's Thomas the Tank Engine sleeping bag.  Rule #3 - I forbid myself to feel guilty. Shit happens. Rule #4 - I am not going to search through my bucket of discarded prescription medications in the hope of finding an opioid or two. Between pain and addiction, I choose pain. The day may come when that is a moot point, but thankfully that day is not today.

Chelsea keeping me company

The turkey, the stuffing, the corn muffins, the kasha varnishkes, and the rest of the stuff on my cooking list are going to have to wait. I'm not going to try to pretend I can stand at the kitchen counter for several hours chopping onions and celery and onions and garlic and onions. I am not preheating my oven or wrestling with a 14 pound galliform, who although deceased is resistant to the idea of having bread stuffing shoved up his butt.  I am not going to bend and stretch and cuss like a mule skinner to empty the dishwasher so I can fill it again. I am not going to mix up a tonic of Murphy's Oil Soap, rubbing alcohol and vegetable oil for spraying my pepper plants against those frakking aphids. I am not going to do any of these things because I can't. Today, I'm no hero. As Judge Carsten once said to me, "you don't have to take one for the team."

           
So I finally took his advice - he gave it to me over a year ago, but I'm a slow learner - and stayed upstairs, feet up, knitting needles in hand. I did not watch TV; I did listen to music. I spent time with my furry kids, and let Anakin fuss over me. I did manage to eat a little, and I watered my avocado pits.
I hope tomorrow is a better day. For all of us.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Soupy Sails - The Perfect Split Pea Soup

Magenta Bougainvillea in my front yard

Sunday - Joe Biden is really beginning to piss me off. Fish or cut bait, old man. I think there is something really cheap about his "will he or won't he?" bullshit. But being a power-hungry sociopath like almost every other politician on Planet Earth, he is loving the media attention, he is loving all the begging from his brain-dead supporters, and he is loving poking a stick at Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.  He's what we call a spoiler, and if the Democratic Party has one brain in its collective head, it will tell him to back off.


Yesterday, while I was kvetching about my aches and pains, James and Linda were working to create my dream garden with two tiers, one of them being well-protected against the occasional monsoon.  I am so very pleased with how James is always able to take my ideas and turn them into something really nice.


It's also nice that James has lots of creative ideas of his own, which compliment and enhance whatever hare-brained scheme I happen to be working on at the time.


Believe it or not, that side garden will provide 172 square feet (give or take a few) of planting area.  And this time, the rain is not going to able to wash away all our efforts.


Still kvetching about pain. This is wearing me down and making me a tad grumpy.. But I did manage to finish the split pea soup.


When I took it out of the fridge, the soup was very thick and pretty tasty, but not quite where I wanted  it. First I removed the neckbone, stripped it of the meat, chopped the meat fine, and added it to the soup. Next I sliced an onion and cooked it in 2 tablespoons of butter. I sliced two Hebrew National knockwurst - all this slicing was on the thin side - and added them to the onions. When everything was nicely browned, I added the onions, knockwurst, and the butter they were cooked in into the soup. 


Three more Knorr cubes, and two cups of boiling water, a little more salt and dried thyme. I placed it back into the cooker unit and set it on high, brought it to a simmer, then reduced it to low and left the house for a few things. And when I got back -


It was perfect. Not too thick, not too thin, not too salty, not too bland. Perfect. And yes, it took two days, but so what? Contrary to those endless game shows and competitions on Food Network, cooking is an art, not a triathlon. There is no need for speed. Cooking for people you love, or at least like, is a very special act of giving. It comes from the heart, and it is meant to be enjoyed by everyone, especially the one doing the cooking.

So slow down and smell the caramelized onions.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Let the Ravelry Begin! - Slow Cooker Split Pea Soup with Knockwurst

Stay off your feet, Mom. I'll take care of you.

Saturday - I have lost my knitting mojo and I've got to get it back.  Yesterday, I made a deliberate plan to spend some quality time with my circular needles, and brought my project downstairs with me.  And then, despite the fact that it would have done me a lot of good, I did not pick up the knitting even once.

This has been a problem for over a year, since about the time we moved to this house.  So I am wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that I haven't managed to organize my stash. When   we first moved here, I went through all of the yarn, sorted out the stuff I knew I would never use, packed it up and passed it on to someone who is involved in knitting for the troops.  I have a good idea of what I have in both yarn and UFOs (unfinished objects).  I sort of have a plan as to which of the UFOs I am going to finish first.  Except I am finishing nothing. Scarves, shawls, socks - all my favorites - and I can't seem to get a damn thing done.

Well, that has to change. I need inspiration and a big kick in the ass. I started that process by heading over to Ravelry, the best fiber-related site on the Web:

Ravelry is a place for knitters, crocheters, designers, spinners, weavers and dyers to keep track of their yarn, tools, project and pattern information, and look to others for ideas and inspiration. The content here is all user- driven; we as a community make the site what it is. Ravelry is a great place for you to keep notes about your projects, see what other people are making, find the perfect pattern and connect with people who love to play with yarn from all over the world in our forums.

I have been a member for years, and have built up a pretty impressive library of free and paid-for knitting patterns. I used to check in every few days, but when my life started to unravel, so did my knitting mojo.  It's a great place for inspiration, so I'm putting it back on my list of Things To Do.  I have lists for everything, and this is a worthy addition.

In addition to that addition, I have to get back to the Yarn Harlot. Besides all those socks she knocks off every few hours (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little - but just a little), the Harlot also knits sweaters.  I used to knit sweaters, but then I moved to Florida, turned 40, and decided I didn't have to knit anything I didn't really enjoy knitting and had no need for. But Stephanie - the Harlot - lives in Canada, Toronto I think, and there is a constant need for sweaters. And not only does she do gorgeous work, she actually likes knitting sweaters. So next on my list of Things To Do is keeping up with the Harlot. I know how that sounds, but you know what I mean.



I am really, truly feeling grim today. This is one of those days when all I can do is declare fibromyalgia to be the winner and go back to bed. I feel wretched enough that I am going to have to miss a wedding, and I feel bad about that. 

I need soup, so I need to throw a few things in the crockpot. There will be no standing in front of the stove for 8 or 12 hours today.

Slow Cooker Split Pea Soup with Knockwurst

2 cups frozen tricolor pepper and onion blend
1 pound green split peas, rinsed in colander  
1 piece smoked pork neck bone (mine happened to be frozzen)
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, thinly sliced
1 large stalk celery, thinly sliced
3 large cloves garlic, thinly sliced
9 cups water
2 Knorr chicken bouillon cubes, broken up
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
1 1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic
1/4 teaspoon Emeril's Cajun Essence
1 bay leaf

Add the ingredients to the crockpot in the order given. Cover and cook on low for 8 hours.

So, after 7 hours, those damn peas were still almost rock-hard. I should have soaked them, but there you are. I threw it on the high setting and sincerely hope it will be done before midnight.

Another 90 minutes on high, the equivalent of three hours on low, and the peas were perfect. I let the soup cool to room temperature and moved the covered crock to the refrigerator for an overnight rest. Tune in tomorrow for the stunning soup-conclusion.

But first ...



Another version of the pinwheel rolls: Ken's Honey Mustard, thinly sliced ham and turkey, well-drained salsa, shredded Swiss cheese, dried chives, black pepper. Bake for 8 minutes, reverse pan, bake 8 more minutes. Let these cool on the silpat-lined baking pan.




Saturday, October 10, 2015

A Wasted Friday - Italian Pinwheel Rolls

Friday - Waking up is hard to do. Actually, the waking up part wasn't the problem; it was the getting-out-of-bed part that landed me in a crappy mood. Everything hurts. Everything. Plus I have that oversensitivity to sound thing going today - the dogs barking, the lawn guy and his weed whacker, cars whooshing down Clyde Street, I hate them all.  I am completely crabby. I should be wearing a sign that says "don't start with me, you know how I get."

Also, I am worried about two of my babies. Rob and I are pretty certain that Chelsea's vision is totally gone, except for the ability to see shadows. We knew that was inevitable, as she came to us with a serious eye condition and a bunch of prescriptions. All I can do now is keep her comfortable, which means cleaning both cornea at least twice a day to remove a nasty goo which forms a gelatinous film, sort of like an irregular, opaque contact lens. Needless to say, she doesn't care for the procedure, and I can't blame her.

Woody has lost weight, developed alopecia (losing his hair, like Tuffy) and has taken to living under one of the living room couches for most of the day and night. This is never a good sign.


A big pile of clean dirt (ha, now there's an oxymoron for you!) mysteriously appeared on the garden side of the house. James is going to play in the dirt for the next few days, getting the planting beds ready and then building the second tier., which will bring me one giant step closer to putting in the fall garden. Even working on my planting graphs is not snapping me out of my misery.

You would think I had done enough cooking for a while, but I'm waiting impatiently for a turkey to defrost and in the meantime I keep prowling in and out of the kitchen like a caged lion. Rawwr. I took out 4 cod fillets to defrost, but that still doesn't solve the here-and-now.

Forget the here-and-now.  It's been a bad day for pain, never got better. I've been wasted, as the kids used to say, or at least I wasted the day. Crap.

I'm watching preseason basketball, Wizards and Knicks.  Still a Knicks fan, except when they're playing the Magic. Of course when they play the Nets, I win no matter what happens.  Basketball season, my personal salvation from endless reruns of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I can't wait to watch my Magic.    

Whether you are busy watching the baseball play-offs or like me, moving into basketball season, you are going to need snacks, and this recipe is a good one.  Lots  of flavor, finger food that doesn't drip, and really easy to prepare. You can change the ingredients with your mood. This is a good time to wander up and down the condiments aisle in your favorite supermarket.


Italian Pinwheel Rolls

1 tube Pillsbury Crescent Dough Sheet
Prepared pesto (basil and/or tomato)
Chopped pepperoni and/or Italian salami
Chopped fried peppers from a jar of Mancini's brand
Chopped black olives
Shredded mozzarella cheese


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place a silpat on a metal baking sheet.


Roll out the crescent dough sheet so that a short end is facing you. Start by smearing some of the pesto on the dough. Sprinkle some of the mozzarella over the pesto.


Place the peppers and onions and the olives over the cheese, then sprinkle on some more of the cheese to finish. These photos show that you don't need to overload the dough with ingredients.


Carefully roll up the dough, starting at the short end. With a long, very sharp serrated knife, slice the roll into 8 pieces. Place the slices on the silpat. Sprinkle a bit more of the shredded cheese on top of each slice. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes until the dough is golden brown on top. Check that the undersides are not overbaked.


Move to a metal rack to cool.  Serve as is or with some spaghetti sauce for dipping.


Friday, October 9, 2015

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Kielbasa and Kraut

This morning I woke up to that feeling of having someone with a large, strong hand squeezing at my heart. I've taken my medication, for what my doctor diagnosed as Barlow's Syndrome, faithfully since November 15, 1981. Except Barlow's Syndrome is mitral valve prolapse and this involves my tricuspid valve.  I'm beginning to think I should have gone to a cardiologist for a second opinion, but I have lived with this for so long, the urgency has sort of disappeared.

Ab, uski jan meri mutti me hai! 

The medication, which is a beta-blocker, is almost always effective except when it isn't. And right now it isn't although it will be soon because I've just taken my morning dose. Except the medication is supposed to be extended release, but lately it doesn't seem to be extending far enough into the day. When I was younger, I could fight through the discomfort and throw my whole self into my job. Unfortunately, those days are gone.        

Today's news was mostly grim, but there was one humorous touch: Republican Kevin McCarthy, the House Majority leader, has withdrawn from the race for Speaker of the House, a position he was geared to move into without issue, following the "retirement" of John Boehner. That was, until he opened his mouth. In what can only be characterized as an "excited utterance", and therefore trustworthy enough to qualify as an exception to the hearsay rule if hearsay had been involved, he blurted out that the House select committee on Benghazi, led by the impossibly coiffed and unbearably self-righteous Trey Gowdy (the man with the most confusing hair in Congress), was an attempt to hurt Hillary Clinton's poll numbers.  I hope Mrs. Clinton sent him a hand-written thank you note. It was probably one of the few times that a politician came out and spoke the unvarnished truth. Oops.

Which brings up the serious question that if the President and the majority of state Governors are subject to term limits, why not the members of Congress?


Chef Paul Prudhomme has passed away at the age of 75. God rest his soul.

Things are quiet around the garden; we are awaiting the delivery of yards and yards of dirt, to fill in and build up the planting boxes. My son, bless him, took on the onerous task of the cat litter box, which I had planned to deal with this morning. I think I can cook, but nothing complicated, and that's why I have planned on kielbasa and kraut, and some Italian pinwheel rolls.


But first, I want to revisit the beef stew. This morning I pulled it out of the refrigerator and proceeded to remove the layer of fat that had conveniently risen to the top and hardened. You can see that some of the seasoning - those are thyme leaves - came with it.  No way to avoid it, and that is why I recommend checking for seasoning after the fat is removed on the second day.  Just a reminder that the beef heart is glorious. I would have no reservations about replacing all of the stew beef with beef heart.


Kielbasa and Kraut

Kielbasa and Kraut is one of the easiest dishes to make, and one that my husband and son will scarf up with alacrity, forsaking all else I've cooked that week. When you look at the ingredients you may go "ick" - who combines sour cream with sauerkraut? - but it works so well, you really should try it at least once.


1 pound sliced kielbasa (I have always used Hillshire Farms for this. Always.)
2 onions, halved and sliced
1 - 1 pound jar sauerkraut, drained but not rinsed (I prefer Silver Floss Bavarian Style)
kosher salt and ground black pepper, to taste
caraway seeds, to taste
1 cup dairy sour cream
1 heaping tablespoon mayonnaise (Hellmann's, please)


Place the onions into the bottom of a deep, no-stick skillet. Cover with the kielbasa. Cover the pan and steam over medium-low heat until the onions are soft. Remove the cover, mix in the sauerkraut, salt, pepper and caraway seeds, and let heat through.


Just before serving, mix the sour cream with the mayonnaise to make a smooth sauce.  Add slowly to the kielbasa, stirring over a low heat.  Add more pepper if necessary.  Serve with some kind of noodle side dish.



The pinwheels ... ahhhhh, I was so sure I had already posted this recipe - I made the first batch last week, took some good photos - that I was surprised when I couldn't find the post. More brain fog, I presume. Anyway, I did make them today, and they came out even better than the first batch, and I will type it all up for tomorrow's blog.