How Fry I Am - Hungarian Pork Paprika and Better Than Take Out Crab Rangoon

Sunday, and we are staying home. No running around doing errands, no Publix (that was yesterday), no BJs (that doesn't sound right), no CVS, no nothing that would require I slip into a sweater and clutch Horatio Cane to get around. No bitching about fibromyalgia, either. You may take judicial notice of the fact that I have some sort of pain, and move along.  I am tired of hearing myself complain. I am going to adopt a Positive Mental Attitude, at least long enough to get some cooking done.

First I have the recipe for Hungarian Pork Paprika, which I prepared days ago but failed to add to the blog, because - well, you know. The pain I'm not supposed to mention today. Anyway, it is an easy dish to prepare even on a weeknight; add some cooked egg noodles tossed with butter, peas, and poppy seeds. and you can feed four. Well, throw in a salad and some bread. A veritable weeknight feast.  

Hungarian Pork Paprika

Wondra flour for coating the pork
olive oil for cooking
1 pound pork stew meat

1 green bell pepper. roughly chopped
2 cans stewed tomatoes (Del Monte, 14.5 oz. each)
kosher salt
ground black pepper
1/2 tablespoon Hungarian sweet paprika

1/2 tablespoon smoked paprika
1/2 cup dairy sour cream, brought to room temperature

Place the pork cubes in an aluminum pan, in one layer, and sprinkle on all sides with the Wondra flour. Heat the olive oil in a large, deep skillet. Brown the pork in the hot oil until golden brown on all sides. Add the green pepper, the salt, pepper, and both paprikas and stir fry for just a few minutes. Add the stewed tomatoes, then cook with a cover slightly askew, for at least 20 minutes or until the pork is very tender.

Anakin uses his Jedi powers to guard the dinner from the dogs

Remove the skillet from the heat. mix 1/2 cup of the sauce mixture with the sour cream. Gradually return the sauce and sour cream mixture to the skillet, blending well. Do not boil the sauce.  Serve with sour cream, guacamole, the Usual Suspects.

Better Than Take-Out Crab Rangoon

1-8 oz. package imitation crab, chopped

1 tablespoon butter

1 green onion, white and green parts, chopped fine

1-8 oz. bar cream cheese, softened

1/2 teaspoon garlic pepper

a few drops of sriracha sauce

1-12 oz package wonton wrappers (I highly recommend Frieda's brand)

1 egg, beaten

canola oil for frying

Melt the butter in a nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the imitation crab and cook for 2-3 minutes. Set aside to cool. This step helps bring out the crab flavor and makes the dish taste so rich.
   

In a medium bowl, combine the softened cream cheese, green onion, garlic pepper and sriracha sauce. Stir well to combine. Fold in the cooled imitation crab, then cover the bowl and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

Working 8 at a time, brush the edges of each wonton with the beaten egg. Always keep the remaining wonton skins covered and refrigerated; only take them out when you need them.

Place a small scoop of filling slightly above the midline of each wonton.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Fold each wonton bottom to top corners, using your fingers to press all sides together. The egg will help them to stick together - none of my rangoon opened up during frying.

Now go back and flatten each rangoon slightly, pressing out excess air.

Over medium high heat, heat about a half inch of canola oil in a heavy skillet to 350 degrees. Fry the rangoon four at a time, checking after a minute and turning as necessary to evenly brown the wonton. Add more oil as needed, and do not be afraid to lower the heat if the wonton brown too quickly.

Place the fried rangoon on paper towels to drain excess oil. 

This made exactly 52 rangoons, so there were no wasted wontons or filling.

Serve hot with your favorite dipping sauce. My husband asked for my Louisiana remoulade, so I made up some for him. Chinese-Creole fusion!

Leftovers should be frozen in a single layer, then sealed into a ziptop freezer bag. Reheat straight from the freezer in a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes. 

A Day Late

As far back as I can remember, I've always been an introvert. Working outside my home provided me with plenty of friendship and human interaction. Now, though - this is ridiculous. Fibromyalgia, I mean. I don't work, I don't see people during the day, unless it's time for my weekly visit to the therapist, or a tai chi class. So what happens when I can't make it to tai chi class? Oh, and did I mention I've been looking forward to the office Christmas party for weeks, only to have to email Terry and Brenda at the last minute that I wasn't going to be able to make it?

I'm not sure that paragraph made a lot of sense, and the grammar police are going to have a heyday, but here's the bottom line - I had a flare this week that was so freaking bad, my life literally stopped. I made some cookies yesterday, and what should have taken me one hour, including the baking, took 3 1/2 hours and left me exhausted.

These are Maida Heatter's Christmas Fruitcake Bars, and if there is one cookie I absolutely have to bake for the holidays, this is the one. So they are done, and in the freezer, and I am a dreadful, hurtful, angry mess.  There is a lot more that I wanted to accomplish, but there were at least two days when I could not get out of bed, and other days when walking downstairs left me so drained, all I could do was lie down on the couch and go back to sleep. My garden is sadly neglected, and we won't discuss laundry.

Despite that, there have been bright moments. My Magic have been winning so consistently, it reminds me of the halcyon days of Shaq and Penny Hardaway, or Dwight Howard and Hedo Turoglou (before the Dark Times; before the Dwightmare). We got caught up watching "Marvel: Agents of Shield" (this is a big deal). I decided what I was cooking for Christmas Day. I reorganized my freezers and cleaned my refrigerator. I haven't had too much insomnia to deal with, but I do have narcolepsy. Ha. No happy medium. I watched the fifth Republican debate and laughed and cussed and gave myself a headache. I even got some baking and cooking done, albeit with some scandalous shortcuts.  I made it to my Monday psychiatrist appointment by way of the wrong office; to my Tuesday night tai class, and so excited that 2 young women have joined our class; and Wednesday, as always, to my therapist, who claims his grandma made the best potato latkes. The truth is that I make the best potato latkes, but I didn't want to burst his bubble. God willing, I will be preparing potato latkes to go along with the duck and perfect eye round. If I have another bad flare, it's leftovers. Merry frelling Christmas.

Well Hello, Dolly

Everyone knows these cookie bars and almost everyone who bakes has made them at one time or another, probably under another name. Magic Cookie Bars or Seven Layer Bars or Hello Dollies, it's all the same, except, if you look a the basic recipe, you can see the possibilities.

I doubled the recipe to bake in a half sheet pan, but the only ingredients I can give you exact amounts is the butter and the sweetened condensed milk.  I combined graham cracker crumbs and pecan meal for the crust, and I'm going to guess the total amount between 3 and 4 cups.  It covered the bottom, about 1/4 inch thick.

So that's 2 sticks of melted butter, about 4 cups of crumbs, 2 cans of sweetened condensed milk, and whatever toppings struck my fancy. Raisins, 4 kinds of chips (semi-sweet, milk chocolate, butterscotch, and white), 2 kinds of coconut (sweetened and unsweetened), and an extra can of sweetened condensed milk.

These are really good, but nowhere as sweet as the original. Which is a good thing, as my taste for sweets has changed over the years. But, these cookies - and I cut them very very small - are rich from the extra condensed milk. All I needed was a cup of hot, black coffee.

Mexican Chicken

This is one of my favorite easy-cheating recipes. It is from Paula Deen's first or second cookbook and it is good as is, Mexican Chicken recipe, but after so many years I had to mess with it. I field-stripped a whole rotisserie chicken, used a lot of cheese in between each layer as well as on top, threw cumin, smoked paprika, and garlic pepper into the sauce plus a 4 oz. can of green chilies and 3 green onions thinly sliced. I also poured a 10 oz. can of red enchilada sauce over the top layer of tortillas, and then finished with more cheese. Think Mexican chicken lasagna. Yum.

Anakin guarding the Mexican chicken "so the dogs don't get it."

Statuary Progress - Bratwurst and Potato Salad

Today has been A Bad One, damn it.

Bad, as in "I can't fucking get out of bed even though there's a whole pizza from Al's in the kitchen". I slept like I hadn't slept in a month - which I hadn't - and when I finally gave in to the imprecations of a cranky bladder, I was one hot mess.             

Fortunately yesterday was A Better Day, and I managed to snap a few photos of Kissimmee Statuary, which will stay on display for some preset time.  I have to say that with one notable exception, this group of sculptures did not come close to the quality of the last few displays:

Going back to yesterday's blog post, I read today that the Grinch Principal from Brooklyn, the one who outlawed Santa Claus, Thanksgiving, and the Pledge of Allegiance, has been set straight by someone with a higher pay grade in the New York City Department of Education. Apparently the Assistant Grinch, acting under instructions, had sent out a memo that exhorted the staff to be "sensitive of the diversity of our families" and once the policy went into effect, including referring to Thanksgiving as a "harvest holiday" a whole lot of folks got upset, including a number of those "diverse" families.  My answer to the issue of diversity is to embrace it, not by exclusion but by inclusion.

But first - regarding the Pledge of Allegience - what the hell is the problem? Who is objecting to this? If the objectors are folks who do not believe in God, well big surprise, we had those folks around when I was in elementary school (and God knows that's a hell of a long time ago) and they simply stayed silent when the words "under God" were spoken. 

If the problem has to do with the student's feelings towards this country, then simply stand silent. Or move to another country. Let your conscience be your guide. But, do not force the majority to give up the opportunity to participate in this simple but powerful daily classroom ritual. Yes, I am the mother who 23 years ago damn near decapitated my son's blobbish kindergarten teacher when she could not explain to me why, after 3 weeks of school, there was no American flag in that classroom. Call me crazy, everyone else does. I am also the mom who almost got killed at a Tae Kwan Do tournament in Miami by some thuggish POS because he and his family refused to stand during the Pledge of Allegiance and the playing of the National Anthems of the U.S. and the Republic of South Korea, and I said something. Since the ATA is all about teaching and demonstrating respect, I can only assume his overprivileged spawn rarely attended classes and lolly gagged on the floor while everyone else spoke the bowing in and out oaths while facing the U.S. and South Korean flags.

~

Well ... it's been three days since I wrote that- maybe two, I can't remember anymore.  I couldn't really leave the house except to see my therapist. I had to miss a Tai Chi class. I could not cook, bake, or write. My body hurt all over, as if I had the flu. I don't get the flu, never have. My brain took a long leisurely trip to the Ninth Planet (Pluto, damn it!) and left the rest of me behind. I apologize for late posts and missed days. Here's a quickie recipe to remind us all this is nominally a cooking blog. Do not be put off by the canned German potato salad - it works well, tastes good, and fills up hungry people. I usually double it, as my boys love it.

1 pound cooked bratwurst, cut in slices

no-stick cooking spray

1 smallish onion halved and sliced

1 red or green bell pepper, seeded and sliced lengthwise

1 - 1 pound can German potato salad

Real bacon sprinkles (Hormel) - optional

Dried parsley flakes

Spray a nonstick skillet with Pam or one of her generic siblings and place over medium heat. Add the bratwurst and stir fry until lightly browned on the cut sides. Add the onion and bell pepper and cook another 3 to 5 minutes, until they are crisp-tender (I like them more tender than crisp, but use your judgment). Stir in the potato salad, parsley and bacon sprinkles, then cover and cook on medium low until the sauce bubbles lightly and everything is heated through evenly.  Sprinkle with more parsley.

The Month of Hanukkwanzamas - Yin and Yang Cookies

Seriously dudes, is there any better way to achieve Whirled Peas than for everyone to celebrate each other's holidays? I don't mean for Jews to start attending Midnight Mass or for Christians to start lighting menorahs while chanting the blessings in Hebrew, but rather to share the human emotions of joy and happiness associated with each occasion. That's the way I've done it since starting college back in 1970. It means partying together and learning about each other's traditions and being happy for each other.. It means telling the rabid atheists to fuck off, and rather submerge yourself in potato latkes and bright, shiny tinsel. It means being happy instead of being hateful. It means respecting each other's traditions while staying close to your own religious roots and requirements. It means sharing the best of you. It means finding balance. It means universal inclusion instead of exclusion. It means resisting Balkanization and embracing this single world in all its variations.

I grew up at a time when America was considered a great melting pot of religions, ethnicities, and races. It was before pride and particularism resulted in societal guilt and the culture of chronic apology. It was a better time. Not perfect, but better.

The moral of the story is for us Chosen People to share our latkes and for our Christian brethren to invite their Jewish friends help put tinsel on your tree - 2 strands at a time. (Yes, there's a story here. Another time, perhaps.)

I forgot the cucumbers and missed a hibiscus flower. Also, the loquat tree has started to open its blossoms and I am seeing happy honey bees hard at work. The bees are crucial to the whole process and I'm so glad they are back. A few more photos from the December in Florida file:

Sneaky creeping cucumber vines

More bougainvillea

Crotons, just naturally in the holiday spirit

Trying to look innocent cucumber vines

Rhubarb

Black Beauty Eggplant 

Okra Blossoms at 9 o'clock and 3 o'clock

I feel pretty crappy today, but I have a spectacular cookie recipe, that I developed a couple of days ago, to share. This cookie is easy - STUPIDLY easy - but it looks so fancy and tastes so fine, nobody will believe that. Now they may look like New York black-and-white cookies but they are something more. Like the concept of yin and yang, these cookies are all about contrasts and opposites and how they come together to form a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts.                              

You will need 2 - 1 pound packages of Nestle's refrigerated cookie dough, the kind that comes in a flat package with precut cookies. I used a chocolate chocolate chip and the white chocolate macadamia nut. This meant I cut the chocolate cookies, which came 12 extra large cookies to a pack, in half so that I had 24 pieces of cookie dough for each flavor.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Press one piece of each cookie dough into a cookie scoop so that you can clearly see each half.

Use a small spoon to scoop out any cookie dough that sticks to the inside of the scoop, 

and use those bits of dough to fill up the scoops

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Place the cookie on a baking sheet lined with a silpat.  Place a total of 12 cookies on the baking sheet. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, until the cookies are barely set.  Let them cool on the baking sheet for 5 to 10 minutes, then move them to a wire cooling rack. You could stop right here and serve them to friends and family, but in honor of the holidays, let's get excessive together.

Now you will need 2 cans of prepared frosting, about 1 pound each can. Any national brand (Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, Pillsbury) is fine. I picked vanilla and chocolate fudge.

Once your cookies are completely cooled, turn them over so that the flat bottom is right side up and place the racks on top of waxed paper or parchment or even foil.

Uncover the vanilla frosting and remove the foil inner cover. In the microwave, melt the frosting on time cook level 7 for 20 to 30 seconds.  Stir the frosting to distribute heat and until all the solid bits are melted. With a regular kitchen teaspoon, cover the vanilla half of each cookie with some of the vanilla frosting.  Let it set  bit, then go back with remaining frosting and cover each vanilla side a second time.  Set the cookies aside for a least 30 minutes.

Once the vanilla frosting is completely set, repeat using the chocolate frosting.  Refrigerate or freeze the cookies, single layer only.  Even so, the chocolate never hardens 100%, so handle carefully, preferably from the vanilla side.  Serve them in extra large paper muffin cups.

Very little work, but you are going to impress a whole lot of people. Unless you horde them for yourself, in which case you are going to have to have your blood sugar checked. I limit myself to one a day, like the Meloxicam. Works like a charm.

Dallas On My Mind - Portobellos Latinos

Happy last day of Hanukkah.  By the way, can someone please tell the City of Kissimmee that "Festival of Lights" is not a Christmas reference?

Some mornings I wish I was Pam Ewing.

Baby Boomers and early Baby Busters have likely already figured out the reference. Generation X-ers and Millennials are probably clueless, but then, those generations watch "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and "The Real Housewives of Pick Your Favorite Jurisdiction", and worse, think that the reality TV lifestyle is something to aspire to.          

Baby Boomers had night time soap operas, like "Dallas" and "Dynasty" which were uniformly super-glitzy and uber-dramatic, which I suppose also describes today's reality shows, but in defense of us Boomers, those shows were fiction. Real people did not live like that, or think like that, or behave like that, and if they did, the media did not promote them and swoon all over them.

Back to Pam Ewing - something terrible happens to Pam and her beloved husband Bobby Ewing:

Pam lives a terrible year of pain and grief, and the Nielsen ratings sink like the Titanic. Then one day, she wakes up as usual, preparing to face another horrible day, when she hears something or someone in her bathroom.

Quick! Call the police! Call J.R.! Call ...

Bobby? BOBBY? But Bobby's dead! Isn't he?

Nah, it was just a bad dream. All of last season was just a bad dream!

And that's why I wish I was Pam Ewing.

I don't have good days anymore. Every single day of my life I am in pain. Every single day I wake up and in that brief micro second before my brain and my body reconnect, I think everything is okay. I feel guilty for putting one over on everybody, making them think I'm permanently disabled. (One of the medical genuises actually had the nerve to say "I can't write down that you are permanently disabled just because you don't feel like working anymore.") And then, my back and legs seize up in pain and I realize that I have nothing over which to feel guilty. Besides, my husband believes me. He went out and watered all my porch plants, without even being asked, because he knew I couldn't handle the job. My son believes me. If I ask him to mop the upstairs hall or take out the recycling, he does so immediately. Cheerfully.

And my cat believes me.

Anakin long ago claimed this kitchen step stool as his personal throne, and we have accommodated him, at least until recently. He even receives his little crunchy treats on the stool.

First of all, we do not have any kind of table and chairs in the kitchen. Second, I can no longer stand for long periods of time while cooking, and I often take a rest by sitting atop the same step stool.  In the past, Anakin has expressed his displeasure by meowing or shooting me a dirty look. But today he showed us just how smart he is and what a good heart he has. He moved to the lower step so that we could both enjoy his step stool.

My cat is a mensch.

A few days ago I prepared this filling for portobello mushrooms. Usually mushrooms are filled with Italian flavors or spinach-based stuffing, but I wanted to try something totally different. Thus, these Portobellos Latinos, which I originally dubbed Portobellos Mexicanos, but there were those pigeon peas (gandules), so maybe Portobellos Puertoriquenos but what about that chorizo? and I renamed it. I finished filling the mushrooms and baking them off a day or two later. That refrigerated nap did not harm the filling; on the contrary, it seemed to mellow the spice which improved the overall flavor.

12 large whole portobello mushrooms, stemmed and gills scraped out
Butter flavor no-stick spray
garlic infused olive oil and butter
1 regular size bag Success Rice, cooked according to package directions
1 medium bell pepper, any color or combination of colors
1 large yellow onion, chopped
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1 jalapeño, seeded, ribs removed, chopped fine
1 bunch fresh cilantro, divided
1 - 15 oz. can Goya gandules verdes (green pigeon peas), drained
1 - 12 oz. package La Banderita Chorizo Fino
1 - 8 oz. bag each shredded pepper jack cheese and mozzarella
Optional - small amount shredded cheddar

Place the cooked rice in a large mixing bowl and set aside.

Sauté the bell pepper, onions, garlic, and jalapeño in a small amount of garlic infused olive oil and 1-2 tablespoons of butter, until softened and the onion is just beginning to brown around the edges. Lower the heat, add the pigeon peas to the skillet, and continue to cook until the peas are warmed all the way through. With a slotted spoon, move the skillet contents to the bowl of rice and stir to combine. Cover the bowl with foil or waxed paper and set aside.

In the same skillet, cook the chorizo by removing from the casing and using the slotted metal spoon to gently break it apart as it cooks. The cooked chorizo should have a little bit of crustiness here and there, but avoid overcooking. With the slotted spoon move the chorizo to the bowl, letting the excess grease drip off.  Stir in some fresh chopped cilantro. Re-cover the bowl and either let it cool to room temperature or refrigerate until you are ready to stuff the mushrooms.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Place the mushrooms cap side up in two baking pans. Spray lightly with the butter flavor no-stick, then put in the oven for 5 to 10 minutes. Watch to make sure they don't burn.  Turn them over and cool to room temperature. With a peper towel, gently soak up any excess liquid that may have formed  in the mushroom.  Sprinkle some cheddar cheese just to line the bottom of the mushroom, and return to the oven until the cheese melts.

Fill the mushrooms using 1-2 ice cream scoops of stuffing for each cap. Do not pat the stuffing down. Place 1-2 slices of cheese on top of each pile of stuffing. Return to the oven and bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until the cheese is melted and the stuffing is heated through. Garnish with chopped cilantro and serve immediately.