All Over The Place - Expletives Deleted

I'm having the sort of day I wish those asshats at the Social Security Administration (hereinafter "SSA") could see. I cannot get out of bed; hell, it took me a half hour to f**king sit up. I told Robert to go ahead and have his breakfast without me. I figure if I start now, I might be able to get dressed and ready for lunch at Bonsai Sushi, but there is no way I am going to make it to breakfast. Not that I could eat anyhow.

Look, I am always in pain, the only thing that changes is the level. On a really "good" day, I suppose I'm around a 3; most days I don't go below a 6 or 7. Today can't be measured in numbers and my left arm is practically useless from the junction with the neck all the way down. Let's hope the Advil works because if I have to give in and take a Mobic (Meloxicam) or Robaxin (Methocarbomal), I'm going to be knocked out for the count. (But hey, SSA, of course I'm able to get up and dressed in a suit and pantyhose, and report to court in a timely fashion for a grueling day with Judge Nasty, slogging through judicial reviews I was unable to prepare for because my head doesn't work any more, on any day.)

I used to hate when people finished my sentences for me, but now I am profoundly grateful. That's fibromyalgia.

Now the cruise - yesterday we heard from Jaime Dee, the delightfully hyperactive, highly competent cruise director, that the weather was so bad that today's stop at Half Moon Cay was going to be cancelled. Can't run the tenders from the ship to island shore with the rain, wind, and high waves, so everyone please enjoy another fun day at sea. Hey, it happens. Unfortunately, the weather for both our recent cruises has been for sh*t, but considerably better than that cruise where we missed docking at two of the scheduled stops (including Key West, damn it), then sailed in circles for an extra day to give Hurricane Sandy a chance to get ahead of us. We literally followed that evil windy bitch at least as far as Brevard County, after which she headed north and destroyed my old neighborhood - all of them. Bitch.

I don't plan on voting for Ted Cruz under any circumstances; I have to admit he has conducted himself  in quite the savvy manner on the campaign trail, but never more so than when he responded to Donald Trump on the fake "birther" issue, and Cruz's eligibility to become President.

That's What Ted Said: Yes, that's my sweetheart Henry Winkler, "jumping the shark." Which I think sums up The Donald's campaign at so many levels, but only time will tell if the American electorate really has 2 brain cells to share among the whole bunch.

Ted Cruz is legally entitled to be sworn in as President of the United States (Yeah I read the Constitution unlike most members of Congress - what the hell were they doing in law school - running for student government and skipping Con Law?) Anyone who makes an issue about this is a f*cking idiot, I mean misinformed and misguided. You know what I mean.  Let's stick to the issues; I didn't care about Bill Clinton's sexual peccadillos while he was in office and I sure as hell don't care about them now, any more than I care about The Donald's third wife posing provocatively, dressed in nothing but her shoes and a smile.  Third Wife, First Lady? No indeed, let's not go there.

The Advil has blessedly taken the edge off of the pain, which means I will be able to get dressed for lunch at Bonsai Sushi, and knit, and do some mandala coloring, and knit.

But first, a message from Our Sponsor:

Yeah, that Advil gave me about an hour of mobility before starting to fade so trying to get dressed was a really crappy experience.  Creeping down to the little sushi restaurant was even worse. Sitting on the high chair had me practically in tears. My hands had problems working sufficiently to free the edamame from their pods.

Pain governs my life. Every moment, every movement, every thought is wrapped in that unpleasant reality. This is my new normal. Double f*ck and a healthy dose of damn-it-all-to-hell. I'm neither brave nor gracious about this. Cheerful words and aspirational memes just piss me off. If anyone (or any government agency) thinks I wouldn't rather be back at my job than live like this, they can go screw themselves. That includes the idiot doctor who told me "I can't say you're permanently disabled just because you don't want to work anymore."  If my memory was better, and I could remember which idiot doctor it was, I would fire his or her ass. Of course the frakking government has doctors terrified to state that their patient is permanently disabled, under penalty of something bad. One doctor was practically in tears, whining "I could lose my license!" For what? Telling the truth?

But now I am back in the stateroom and I feel safe.  I can take more Advil or even go to hell with myself and pop a Robaxin, which will knock me out. What the hell - I'm not going anywhere fast, or even slow.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

Right after the first of the year, I finished the little knitted shawl I'd been working on since the end of 2014.  I hadn't time to block it, so that's its fraternal twin I brought along to wear on the cruise. For 2016 I'd made no resolutions (except to continue my tai chi) but I had made a promise to myself to knit more.  Knitting is soothing except when I'm too upset to pick up a set of needles, which describes all of last year. But like the tai chi, it is something I need to do for myself. Several years back I decided that I was no longer knitting because I had to make something for someone. Most people neither understand nor appreciate a hand knit (or crocheted) gift, but beyond that, I decided I was not going to subject myself to deadlines or obligations.  I no longer knit sweaters because I hate knitting sweaters.  I no longer knit any really large projects that can't be done in smaller pieces that are then crocheted together, because I'm a post-menopausal woman living in bloody freaking Florida and I can't stand to wear turtlenecks, much less several pounds of wool draped over my lap and legs. Between the itching and sweating, I would definitely incline towards some act of violence. This is probably why I have so much trouble finishing log cabin afghans, as much as I love them.

I almost exclusively knit socks, indoor scarves, and shawls now, using lighter yarns and smaller needles.  I only wear knitted socks, so there is always a need.  I took some unfinished projects - 2 pairs of socks and one scarf - along for the trip, knowing full well I would be lucky to finish just one of them. While I don't think I'm going to get lucky, I have managed to make considerable progress on a pair of what the Yarn Harlot calls "plain vanilla" socks, which I'm knitting Hand Painted Knitting Yarn, no color name nor number, which I bought at The Yarn Mart in Little Rock, Arkansas.

What makes the pattern "plain vanilla" is that there is no pattern for lace or ripples or bobbles or cables. All you do is knit in stockinette and since socks are knit in the round, you don't have to purl.  Just knit. Keep calm and just knit. And that's my advice today, along with "read the Constitution for yourself."

The Food of Love, the Love of Food - Six Ships Passing in the Night

I had just finished publishing yesterday's post when there was a knock on the wonder-stateroom door.

Seriously. I had forgotten about this little reward-for-being-a-loyal-Carnival-cruiser, because we did not get the chocolate strawberry plate on our last cruise. Because our last cruise was a 4-day cruise and the strawberries only show up on 5-day or longer trips. (Me and Horatio Cane are doin' a happy dance. A very slow, clumsy happy dance.) So what's the problem?

It's just that I'm drowning in food here. Yesterday's tea time was a glorious affair replete with cute little sandwiches, scones, clotted cream, and more. Fortunately we had chosen to skip lunch.

Cooking food is my joy, but really anything having to do with food cheers me immensely. Eating it, certainly, but since 2003 I do have certain limitations. Shopping for it, walking around a grocery, breathing in the smells of fresh bread and rotisserie chickens. Watching far too many cooking shows (I even woke up from gastric bypass surgery watching Food Network.) These cruises are an embarrassment of edible riches, and even though I can't do more than taste, they are definitely happy-making.

Seeing-eye lox

The strawberries, truffles, and French macarons went straight into the little room refrigerator. Hey, it's formal night tonight. Duck, scallops, prime rib, you remember.  But first, a methocarbomal tablet and a nap. Fibromyalgia takes an occasional break, but never, ever sleeps. And this boat is starting to rock. What goes up must come down. Like me.

Today (Tuesday) the weather is as bad as yesterday which means we won't be hanging out on the Serenity decks. Adults only, a private bar, and some really cool seating and lounging chairs. I know a lot of folks got off the boat here in Nassau, but I don't think they will have as much fun as they'd hoped. The weather has actually turned cold (by my standards anyway) with a wicked wind and desultory   drizzle.  We came back to the cabin after breakfast (nope, this meal did not stay down, sorry. Cuban cheese pastel, chicken croquette, and egg torta, and very tasty but too dry for my finicky esophogus) mostly to plan our next meal, but also look for some afternoon activities.

I had just convinced Robert to shut off the TV (he keeps having the same argument with President Obama and let's face it, he can't win a battle against The Man With A Pen And a Telephone) when there was a knock on the door. Robert answered it and then turned to come back with a puzzled look on his face and - you guessed it - a covered plate in his hand.  More food.  Nothing says "we're sorry" like a plate of sweet delicacies. Nothing says "thank you" like a plate of sweet delicacies. Do we see a pattern here?

A white chocolate fudge and some sort of almond confection-to-die-for.  Nicely played Carnival, nicely played.

We first cruised to Nassau in 2002 on the Norwegian Majesty (thankfully decommissioned shortly after). As ports go, it is marginally better than Freeport, but not enough to matter, and certainly not even close to the islands in the Caribbean, nor the east coast Mexican ports. However, it is an extremely popular port and all the cruise lines stop here.

The Disney Dream and an unidentified Royal Caribbean ship

In fact, I was pretty sure they were all here this morning.

The Carnival Fascination snuggles with the Carnival Sensation. Awww ...

                       

Hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind ...

A Regent ship making friends with Royal Caribbean's Something of the Sea

And now to finish this food-focused folio, I did get a burger from Guy's Burger Joint for lunch.

Those 2 bites were delicious! (Both ways.) Seriously, his burger concept is great. Thanks, Guy! (And thank you Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.)

C-Day on the Sunshine - Ain't No Sunshine When You're Gone

"C" is for cloudy ... and that's how it is on our seaday, which means sitting out on the balcony is less than optimal. (Oh, that I should always have such problems!) Yesterday it drizzled the entire day, which killed the joy for anybody who lives for the pool, or who enjoys sitting outside to eat, especially if lunch came from Guy's Burger Joint.

Doesn't matter.  The interior of this ship is quite enjoyable all on its lonesome, which Robert and I know well - this is our third time on board this particular behemoth. We broke fast at the Sea-day Brunch - Rob had steak and eggs while I had eggs Benedict, sitting on smoked salmon instead of ham - sublime! 

Most interesting, I ate half - that's one egg and half of an English muffin - and I kept it down, although I could feel it starting to get stuck.  I made myself relax, practiced a little tai chi and a few Jedi mind tricks and it worked.  I was even able to drink a cup of coffee with my meal, something I can never do.  Mind over matter? Seriously, it was the tai chi that did the trick.  

Does that mean I can enjoy lunch at Guy's Burger Joint?  Whoa ... and thank you, Sifu Tony!

We checked out the Cloud 9 Spa this morning, and found out which amenities come with our wonder-stateroom. Maybe tomorrow we'll go to the thermal suites.  Since I can't practice law anymore, I'll practice relaxation.

Sitting here in the Red Frog Pub, sipping Caribbean coffee (spiked!) 

while Rob tries out a beer with the improbable moniker Thirstyfrog Red

I don't think I could be any more relaxed, at least not with all my clothes on (naughty brkexpat) - is that why Vladimer Putin keeps taking off his shirt? (waving to Vladimer. I have a big following in Russia.) I'm not going to lie; I hurt kids, I really do. I had to take a meloxicam (Mobic) before getting dressed this morning, and 2 Advil and a Zantac before trying to leave the cabin. Truly I could have stayed in that comfortable bed all day. I think I made the better choice. 

Today is a serious eating day on the Carnival Sunshine. Besides the brunch, there was a cooking demonstration with copious samples at the steakhouse, a tea at 3:00, and it's formal night which used to mean lobster tails.  These days the menu includes sea scallops with truffled (blech) risotto, prime rib, and roast duck a la orange (yay). We decided to skip the cooking demonstration (come on, Carnival - change the damn menu for the demonstration!) but took advantage of our presence at Fahrenheit 555 Steakhouse to make reservations for tomorrow's dinner. Like my blog, this ship is all about the food.  I usually lose weight during a cruise, but with my newfound ability to keep food down, who knows?

Today is also what would have been Bethe's 62nd birthday, the third birthday she is celebrating in Heaven. Although Rob and I usually toast to Bethe and Maurice on the first day of every cruise, neither one of us felt like having a drink with lunch yesterday. So we toasted them today with beer and spiked coffee. Happy birthday, Bethe, and thank you and Maurice for teaching us these cruise-crazy ways. I miss you and love you. Always.

Feh and Meh

And so it begins ... today's Daily Dose of Pain. Sitting in the car, minding my own business, as we make our way to Port Canaveral to board the Carnival Sunshine. Eating a Jammie Dodger with cold coffee. catching up on social media, I become aware of each ache and pain and muscle spasm. Life as usual.

Yesterday was another pain-filled day; even the Advil wasn't working, and I finally had to give in and take a methocarbamol. Helped the pain, but also knocked me out for a couple of hours. However, according to the Social Security Administration, I am perfectly capable of working on a set schedule. Ha ha, but no. How many times during the past 3 years did I sit in court waiting for a case to be called, squirming in visible discomfort but unable to take medication for relief because, let's face it, falling asleep during hearings can be a real career-killer for an attorney? Gotta love the fabulists at the SSA.

In spite of the pain, yesterday was a very nice day, emotionally speaking. Rob and I went to tai chi class in the morning and I was able to follow along the forms. We had two new people (well, new to the school; I used to work with one of the ladies) and I think they liked it.  The other lady is dealing with even more chronic pain than I am. I am happy for Sifu Tony that the class is starting to grow. If anyone out there wants more information about these tai chi classes, you can contact me through this blog or Facebook, and I will put you in touch with Sifu Tony Juron.

The evening also finished on a high note,

since we were meeting our New York friends Ron and Shelley (although they are officially snowbirds) at the Chart House for dinner.  There's a friendship that goes back 46 years - rich memories, good times. Like I wrote, overall a good day.

As I write this, our ship is sailing out of Port Canaveral, and I am already wearing my motion sickness bands. I blame fibromyalgia for screwing up my balance, recalling that in my early days of cruising, motion sickness was not a chronic problem.  Feh, these days everything with me is chronic.

This upgraded stateroom is quite nice, but it is already obvious it is in an inconvenient location, at least for us.  It seems the very best place for us is on Deck 5 and next time I book on the Sunshine, I'll pay the extra cost for picking my own stateroom. This is still a beautiful ship, our current favorite. Also the food is better in quality and choices, and the coffee is terrific. The coffee on both the Sensation and the Ecstasy is just barely meh. No idea why there should be a difference, but there is. And you know me and coffee. A couple of years ago I responded to a post-cruise questionnaire regarding the Carnival Ecstasy, and I mentioned the coffee. I assured Carnival that the Ecstasy was still (at that time) our favorite "home" ship, and complimented them on other matters (best-maitre'd-anywhere). I have never gotten another questionnaire although I've been on a number of cruises since then, and the Ecstasy no longer sails out of Port Canaveral. Things that make you go "hmm ..."

Yesterday I also fulfilled last year's New Year's resolution by completing the mini shawl I'd been knitting forever, or a least a year and a day. Blocking will have to wait until I get home, so I brought along a fraternal twin that I made some years back using that nifty pattern from the late, lamented Knitch in Atlanta's Virginia Highlands. Best-selection-of-Noro-yarn-ANYWHERE. So sorry it's closed now (insert frownie face). I love these little shawls; they keep me warm on those rare chilly days in Central Florida, or when the air conditioner is acting a little bit too enthusiastically.

On a totally different topic, according to the blog stats provided by Blogger/Google, we've got a huge following in Russia. Like twice the number of visits from the US. I am almost certain this is a programming glitch, but if I'm wrong, what the hell is going on?  Is Vladimir Putin collecting Brooklyn-Jewish-American recipes for his own nefarious purpose? Are the ladies of Russia unable to receive Food Network on cable, and so are relying on an internet cooking blog?  Do I still have relatives back in Mother Russia, and are they searching for me? Ha, I love the internet, I really do. Hello all you Russian Osherowitz people! Try my potato latkes!

Just Another New Year - Potato Latkes

It's been a while since I've thrown you an earworm, so let's start the new year off in the right way with something from Barry Manilow.

Don't look so sad

It's not so bad, you know

It's just another night

That's all it is

It's not the first

It's not the worst you know

We've come through all the rest

We'll get through this

We've made mistakes

But we've made good friends too

Remember all the nights

We spent with them?

And all our plans

Who says they can't come true?

Tonight's another chance to start again

It's just another New Year's Eve

Another night like all the rest

It's just another New Year's Eve

Let's make it the best

(I apologize for the crappy formatting, but I am just not up to fighting with Blogger today.)

Somewhere between my early twenties and my early sixties I lost faith in the power of the New Year, having come to the realization that all the hopes, dreams and prayers are aspirational at best. For too many years I spent part of the first week of January thoroughly immersed in whatever new version of Weight Watchers was being touted. Resolutions look good on paper, but having disappointed myself too many times, I no longer bother with them. Well, I did resolve to continue with my tai chi classes, but just that. After all, last year my resolution was to knit more, especially on unfinished projects. I'm still working on the same little shawl that was at the head of that list.

I have high hopes of finishing it this week,

so I can move on to a lovely scarf and a pair of socks I started in 2009 or thereabouts.

No promises and definitely no resolutions. Let's just say the Yarn Harlot has nothing to worry about.

New Year's Eve came and went - I was watching Doctor Who up until the last 5 minutes - and once the ball dropped in Times Square, I felt sadness rather than hope. Certainly there are things I hope for - health and well-being for those I love and care for, cancellation of all reality shows, and world peace - but I don't need the power of the New Year to express those, as I pray for them most every day.

I've learned that with fibromyalgia it is best to live in the moment, because who the hell knows how I am going to feel after breakfast? I guess that means it was pretty cheeky of me to book the Alaska cruise for May, but that's been at the top of my bucket list for many years and I am going this time even if Robert has to wheel me up the gangplank in a golf cart.

Speaking of cruises - I am always speaking of cruises - the nicest thing happened yesterday, courtesy of Carnival Cruise Line. The most amazing part is that when my phone rang, I answered it. Normally, I would not answer a call from an unknown number. Ha! Good call! The bottom line is that this nice lady from the nice Carnival office in Miami advised me that she was pleased to offer us a complimentary upgrade from our inside stateroom to a spa balcony stateroom. Why? Because We Are Platinum, that's why!

Besides the balcony, the room includes access to certain spa amenities like the thermal suites and thalassotherapy pool.  Best of all, we are on Deck 12 along with a very few other staterooms and easiest access to the outside Serenity deck, which is an adults-only zone. This is all on the Carnival Sunshine, our current favorite, very new and shiny ship, sailing out of Port Canaveral.  I like to think this is an omen as to how the rest of the year is going to proceed (but I wouldn't put any money on it.)

I am still working on those missing recipes, and since I won't be cooking today, I'm going to snag one that I have (finally) finished typing up.

Potato Latkes

6 peeled Russet potatoes

2 medium peeled onions

2 eggs

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1/2 - 1 cup all purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

canola oil for frying

Grate the potatoes by hand or food processor. Put aside in a bowl of cold water with a little milk (to keep potatoes white.)  Chop the onions in the food processor. Put in a mixing bowl with the eggs, flour, salt and baking powder, and beat together. Drain the potatoes and squeeze our excess liquid.  Use the food processor chopping blade to chop the potato shreds a bit finer (pulse on-off several times but do not over process.) 

Combine the potatoes with the onion-batter; Add a bit more flour if needed to hold the mixture together. Over medium-high, heat the oil in a large heavy skillet. Carefully add 1/4 - 1/2 cup of the potato mixture to the hot oil and with a metal spatula gently flatten the latke to 1/4 inch. Fry on both sides until deep golden brown. move to drain on paper towels. Serve immediately with applesauce or sour cream.

These can be frozen in a single layer, then bagged for longer storage.  Reheat at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

So this is my basic, can't fail recipe, but I mess with it all the time, changing the type of potatoes, adding grated carrot, that sort of thing. For the ones I made in the photos, I substituted 8 yellow potatoes (or gold potatoes because these have thin skins that do not need to be peeled.) I cut the potatoes and the onions into 8 wedges, then ran them through the grating blade of the food processor one at a time.  No need to soak in water and milk. Tip the bowl to drain off excess liquid. I added an extra egg, some sour cream, some matzo meal and baking soda along with all the other ingredients. Delicious. Just not for Passover.

In the Weeds - Blueberry Bark

Oh my poor garden!  Another victim of fibromyalgia - MY fibromyalgia, that is, which put me practically in a state of suspended animation for most of this past month. The peppers and strawberries did not get watered or sprayed for aphids, a bunch of vegetables never got planted, and those that did get planted are being choked to death by an incredible variety of weeds.  

Over the past 3 days I did manage to water the surviving peppers, making many trips with the small watering can because I can't carry the large one once it is filled. I also made up a bottle of aphid tonic and sprayed like a madwoman, but the aphids have had a free ride for quite a while and are not anxious to leave their leafy homes.

I pulled a few weeds, which sent me reeling back into the house for a handful of Advil and an air conditioned nap. If I limit myself to 10 minutes a day, I can have those weeds pulled in time for Passover, or put another way, after the end of Tax Season. Damn fibromyalgia.

Inasmuch as this is the last day of the year, I took a few moments while dry shampooing my hair (no energy to step into the shower) to become philosophical. This year, 2015, was a Very Bad Year for me, although there have been others - 1960, 1972, 1975, 1983, 1984, 1990, 1997, 2001, and 2013 - which have been Pretty Damn Awful for a variety of reasons. I suppose there is a pretty basic lesson in that factual recitation, and I will live through this as I have before, except this time I have no real hope of ever improving my health. And no, I don't see medical marijuana in my future.

I found these little guys in one of the vegetable beds. You can learn a lot about life from snails, by the way. Like moving slowly is not necessarily a bad thing. That reminds me of a coffee mug from years back:

"Slow and steady our love does grow; I sure do love you, my escargot."

Happy New Year, everyone.

Blueberry Bark

1 pound white candy coating

1 cup Fruit Loops, plus more for topping

1 cup Rice Crispies, plus more for topping

1 cup miniature pastel marshmallows, plus more for topping

1/2 cup dried blueberries (Mariani brand)

Preheat oven to 250 degrees. Line a baking sheet (one with 4 sides) with aluminum foil, and then parchment paper.

Put the whole block of candy coating in an aluminum baking pan, and place in the preheated oven. After 5 minutes, turn off the heat but leave the pan in the oven just until the block of candy coating appears soft and melty, barely holding together.  Remove the pan from the oven, and with a plastic spatula, stir the candy coating until smooth.  Add the remaining ingredients (except the toppings) and stir until they are fully incorporated into the candy coating.  Pour this onto the parchment paper and use the spatula to smooth it out into a reasonably even layer. You will not be filling up the entire baking sheet. Now sprinkle some of each topping on the bark and press down gently. Place the baking sheet in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes or until the bark is cooled and firm.

When the bark is ready. remove from the fridge and cut or break up into smaller pieces. Store in the refrigerator. Offer for nibbling with hot tea or coffee. And smile, you're eating Fruit Loops.

Oy, just oy ... Virginia Ham Bone Bean and Vegetable Soup

Wednesday - Oy. I shouldn't have eaten the leftover tres leches for breakfast, I shouldn't have gone outside in the sun for 10 minutes, I shouldn't have gotten out of bed at all today. My head is not working, not at all. I wanted to talk about the denial letter from Social Security, and I can't do that either. I can't get technical. I can't cut my hair, although it needs it, badly.

The sun felt good until it didn't and then I had to retreat to the dark, cool cave of my house. Noisy, though - the dogs never shut up, especially when they are happy to see me, or when someone has the nerve to breathe three blocks away.

I'm having trouble forming sentences and conveying ideas. Let's try this again later, shall we?

Yesterday I took my tai chi class, although I started out feeling dreadful. Somehow I stuck it out despite the pain, and I'm glad I did. I felt a little better physically and mentally. If I could remember the forms, I would probably feel even better, but that is not about to happen. My hard drive is full and I can't put a stick drive in my ear, other than to look ridiculous. Put another way, my memory is shot full of more holes than a good block of imported Swiss cheese. But Sifu Tony is extremely patient, and I can follow him. Saturday, though, I was in agony. Rough class, for me, anyway. Rob and Cory had a very good time.

Yesterday I also threw a bunch of stuff into my largest crockpot and spun my prayer wheel for a fine soup, with lots of leftovers for the freezer.  I love having soup in the freezer, because there are times soup is the only food I can get down and keep down. Since I had just finished off, over the period of a week, a quart of creamy tomato soup,  it was time to restock.          

Virginia Ham Bone Bean and Vegeable Soup

First, take out your largest crockpot, the larger the better. Mine is 8 quart. If I was going to make this in my 6 quart, I would cut back on the amounts of vegetables, and possibly reduce the beans by 1/2 cup dried. The day before you plan to make the soup you will need to start soaking the beans.

That is one-half cup each of black beans, baby lima beans. small red beans, and navy beans (which are white, not navy. Jeez ...) I soaked them separately, but you don't have to. If you do not want to buy 4 bags of dried beans, just pick one bean, or a bag of mixed beans, preferably without split peas and/or red lentils. I love them both, but not for this soup. A one-pound bag of beans is approximately 2 cups.

Next, assuming you followed my menu for Thanksgiving dinner, haul that leftover bone out of the freezer and let it defrost overnight in the fridge. You may remember that I prepared a spiral-cut ham using Ina Garten's recipe, so the meat that was still attached to the bone was positively imbued with gorgeous flavor.

So you've got your soaked beans and you've got your defrosted bone. It is now officially the next day, preferably in the morning if you want the soup for dinner. Time to put it all together:

Drain and rinse the beans, then place them in the crockpot, pushing them away from the center. Place one large chopped onion in the center. Sprinkle the following over all:

2 tablespoons turbinado or light brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried celery seed
3 tablespoons dried parsley flakes

Then add:

1-28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 large bone from a Virginia ham with some meat left attached
1 quart water
4 garlic cloves, smashed and roughly chopped
1 teaspoon granulated garlic
2 cups chicken stock

Cover the crockpot, cook on high for 2 hours.  Remove the bone with tongs, stir the contents, and replace the bone, reversing top to bottom. Then add:

1/2 cup dried green lentils
3 stalk of celery, rough chop
4 carrots, rough chop
4 medium gold potatoes, cut into wedges, and then wedges crosscut in half
1 large onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, rough chop

Cover and cook on low for another 5 hours. Remove the bone, then remove any meat still attached to the bone and return the meat to the crockpot. I pulled the ham off in rather large chunks, but you can make it any size you like. Add:

1 cup frozen cut green beans, run under hot water for a minute
1 cup boiling water

Cover and let cook just until the green beans are done. Taste and re-season with any or all of the original seasonings. Tasty!

I call this a soup, but Rob says it is a "stoup", which is a Rachael Ray-ism for a very thick soup that just misses being a stew.  When  I reheat a thick soup for dinner, I usually thin it out a bit with water, stock, broth, or milk, depending on the soup. But that's me.

The Magic are playing the Nets tonight, and although it pains me to say this, "Go Magic, and beat Brooklyn!" Ouch.

                                        

The Bitch is Back

Monday - I wish I could report that I had a lovely, fabulous birthday on Saturday, but the truth is that it rated among the worst birthdays of my life. I am, however, profoundly grateful to all of my friends and family who sent me birthday greetings via Facebook, Messenger, and email. You cannot imagine how much you all helped in dragging me out of the depths of Fibromyalgia Pain and Depression Hell.

I haven't done any cooking since Christmas Day because I haven't needed to. There is a ridiculous amount of cooked food in my fridge, an equally ridiculous amount of soups, cookies, and fried foods in the freezer, and even if the cupboard was bare, I could not stand long enough to fuss with food to do more than fry an egg. I feel bad, folks, that's "bad" with a capital "B", and I don't see it passing in the near future.

My eyes and my head hurt so bad I feel like they are going to explode. At some point I decided I had to get out of the house, and decided to do some shopping at Publix, except this Publix was practically in Polk County.  I drove past Celebration and realized yet again that it was one of the eeriest places  in the world (think Stepford Wives eerie) second only to Central Islip State Mental Hospital. It creeps me out to drive past either location. Traffic was ridiculous both ways, but I got out and about and that was fine for me, especially once I got past Celebration.

I ended up buying a dozen Jammie Dodgers and other things that I needed for my bean soup (more about that tomorrow.) But the traffic coming back was so ridiculous I wasn't sure any of those Jammie Dodgers were going to be left by the time I got home.

It's a strange day in Kissimmee. The sky is full of helicopters and the streets are full of emergency vehicles. The clouds are black and white, like a tuxedo cat.

The Social Security Administration has officially turned down my disability claim. I've known that was coming for over a week. I'll explain how I knew another time but let's just say the government is so stupid it makes my eyes hurt. I can't think about it too much because when I do, I feel such a profound anger rising up, I know that I may say such vicious things to certain people that no apology in the world could ever make things right again. That's not who I am, but it is who I can be. The bitch is back, damn it.  Let me stuff her back into the closet with my mother's mink coat.

Besides, that is why I have engaged an agency to assist me with the whole process, including what is now going to be an appeal. According to Social Security, I am capable of working as an attorney. Perhaps I should put them in touch with a certain judge.  Perhaps I should just release the Flying Monkeys.

Donald Trump has to go. I'm just sayin'.

The Magic won big against the New Orleans Pelicans. The BBC is finally broadcasting something other than Doctor Who. And the beans are in for the Big Soak.

Speaking of Doctor Who, I stopped into Hobby Lobby on Tuesday (today) on my way back from having my nails done.  As I was walking towards where I thought the yarn should be (it wasn't) I saw this, front and center:

I am not responsible for this display I promise you that. Apparently no one else recognized it, which struck me odd.  I had to take a picture, although it took me a while because people kept walking in front of it. I was beginning to think I was the only one who could see it.

Bad Wolf. This can't be good.

A Very Late Merry Christmas - Christmas Big Beef and Roast Duck with Orange Sauce

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I still have no definitive answers regarding global warming, but I have noticed that the weather is frankly peculiar for Christmas Day.  I don't expect a White Christmas or even a Freezing Christmas, but after 24 years in Central Florida, I do expect a Cool Christmas, which is anything below 70 degrees Fahrenheit.  I do not expect beach weather, or flip flop weather, or wearing shorts weather. All I know is that the air conditioner is working to keep up with the heat. This is starting to remind me of a Twilight Zone episode with Lois Nettleton.  You know the one.

I'm on the third day of a Doctor Who marathon, waiting waiting waiting for the Christmas special tonight at 9:00.  We've been hooked into the BBC for so long, Robert wasn't sure if that was the real Queen giving her Christmas Day greating to Great Britain, or a character on a DW episode.
                                               

Inspiration is where you find it, and as I often do, I found inspiration for my Christmas beef in a Paula Deen cookbook. I made a few changes, thus the title of the recipe. I like eye round because it is solid and well-shaped for even roasting. I am also very conscious of the fact that eye round is very lean, and not the most tender cut of beef, so I cook it with extra care and aim for very rare.  This needs to be sliced thin (haul out your electric knives). It has a good, beefy flavor, as long as you do NOT overcook it. I know that my craving for Christmas Big Beef would be best served with a prime rib, but I didn't have time to arrange for a bank loan.

"If It's Not Perfect, Don't Blame Paula Deen" Eye of Round Beef Roast

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 teaspoon granulated garlic

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon Lawry's seasoned salt

1/2 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1-2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1- 2.5 pound eye of round beef roast, well- trimmed

Combine the seasoning and spices in a shaker-top jar or bottle.  Place the eye round on a sheet of aluminum foil. Rub the olive oil over all of the beef's surfaces.  Sprinkle the seasoning all over the beef (use some or all of the seasoning). Wrap the aluminum foil around the beef, and place in the refrigerator for several hours, until ready to cook.

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. Unwrap the roast and place it in an aluminum baking pan.*  Put the roast in the oven and immediately reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees. Roast the beef for approximately 15 minutes per pound, but you must use a thermometer to check the roast and adjust the total cooking time.  By all that is holy, do not roast the meat past 125 degrees internal temperature, which will give you a medium-rare roast. (If you like your beef done more than medium, we have nothing to talk about.) Keep in mind that the shape of the roast will affect the length of cooking. Since my family likes super-rare meat, I'm aiming for 115-120 degrees, then pulling that roast out of the oven to cool for 15 minutes before carving.

*Paula Deen places the beef in an iron skillet for roasting. I have always used the aluminum pan, but since I now own a cast iron skillet, I'm going to try that.

Roast Duck with Orange Sauce (from Mama Leah's Jewish Kitchen by Leah Loeb Fischer)

I adore duck; it is one of my very favorite foods in the Known Universe and all Alternate Universes I have visited during a long life of reading and watching science fiction. It's right up there with lobster, king crab, and chocolate.

This is the only way I prepare whole duck. (Boneless duck breasts are another matter, but I have been denied reasonable access to them which causes me much anguish and annoyance at least several times a year.)

Now, you will notice that I do NOT prick the skin. Therefore, should you choose to try this recipe, you shall not prick the skin.  Trust me, and if you don't trust me, trust Mama Leah.

I'll be honest, I haven't the energy nor patience to type up the recipe right now, but I did find A LINK to the recipe exactly as it appears in the book.

If you can find this book, buy it - it is a lovely, hamisch Jewish cookbook. If you have this and Mimi Sheraton's book From My Mother's Kitchen, you can spend an afternoon in Flatbush whenever you feel the need.

I Have a Little List - Christmas Eve Bread Pudding

Thursday - Tonight I am making shrimp scampi for dinner to celebrate Christmas Eve.  These last weeks I've been doing a fair amount of cooking and baking, breaking up the projects across days. It may not bother you, but it is surely bothering me that I cannot get them all typed into the blog to publish with the not-so-daily posts.

Potato Latkes

Perline Pasta with a Dry Sauce

Key Lime Sugar Cookie Cups

Christmas Fruitcake Cookies

Rice Pudding

Italian Meatloaf with Roasted Rosemary Potatoes

Oatmeal Cookies with Pumpkin Spice Chips

Geez, I feel like I'm back at the office with a stack of staffing forms to catch up. Not a great feeling. I blame it on fibromyalgia and the BBC.

The scampi recipe will have to wait in the queue along with the others, but here is a wonderful bread pudding recipe I developed by improving on another one of my recipes from severl years back. In my opinion, the bread pudding just keeps getting better.

Christmas Eve Bread Pudding

2 loaves Pepperidge Farm French Toast Swirl Bread
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup sugar
1-15 oz. container whole milk ricotta cheese
2 sticks butter, melted, divided
1-14 oz. can coconut milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 tablespoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon maple extract
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1-15 oz. can Very Cherry Fruit Cocktail, drained
1-15.25 oz. can peach chunks, drained
1-6 oz. bottle maraschino cherries, drained
1 cup cherry-infused dried cranberries
1-18 oz. jar Smucker's Cherry Preserves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut the bread into smaller pieces; eighths work well. Divide bread into two aluminum pans, then place in oven for up to 10 minutes, just to dry out. Set aside.

Pour about 1/4 cup of the melted butter into a large deep casserole dish - I found a 10 x 10 x 3 1/2 inch aluminum pan for this, or the standard 9 x 13 x 2 works as well - and spread it to cover all surfaces of the pan.

In a deep mixing bowl, add the sugar to the eggs and beat until the sugar is dissolved. Add the ricotta and beat again to combine. Now add the remaining melted butter, coconut milk, extracts and nutmeg and beat until combined. Pour this over the bread cubes, stir gently so all the cubes are covered iin liquid, and set aside until the bread is well soaked.

In the buttered casserole dish, layer the soaked bread with the drained canned fruit, drained whole maraschino cherries, and the dried fruit. Repeat until all ingredients are used up, ending with a layer of bread, then pour any remaining liquid over the top.

Bake for 40 minutes, then remove from the oven and carefully spoon the cherry preserves over the top. Return to the oven for another 20-30 minutes, until the center is set, and the internal temperature is at least 140 degrees (the edges will register higher.) Remove from the oven and let cool a bit. This is best eaten warm or room temperature ...

... with whipped cream or ice cream or both, because anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Merry Christmas!