Oy, just oy ... Virginia Ham Bone Bean and Vegetable Soup

Wednesday - Oy. I shouldn't have eaten the leftover tres leches for breakfast, I shouldn't have gone outside in the sun for 10 minutes, I shouldn't have gotten out of bed at all today. My head is not working, not at all. I wanted to talk about the denial letter from Social Security, and I can't do that either. I can't get technical. I can't cut my hair, although it needs it, badly.

The sun felt good until it didn't and then I had to retreat to the dark, cool cave of my house. Noisy, though - the dogs never shut up, especially when they are happy to see me, or when someone has the nerve to breathe three blocks away.

I'm having trouble forming sentences and conveying ideas. Let's try this again later, shall we?

Yesterday I took my tai chi class, although I started out feeling dreadful. Somehow I stuck it out despite the pain, and I'm glad I did. I felt a little better physically and mentally. If I could remember the forms, I would probably feel even better, but that is not about to happen. My hard drive is full and I can't put a stick drive in my ear, other than to look ridiculous. Put another way, my memory is shot full of more holes than a good block of imported Swiss cheese. But Sifu Tony is extremely patient, and I can follow him. Saturday, though, I was in agony. Rough class, for me, anyway. Rob and Cory had a very good time.

Yesterday I also threw a bunch of stuff into my largest crockpot and spun my prayer wheel for a fine soup, with lots of leftovers for the freezer.  I love having soup in the freezer, because there are times soup is the only food I can get down and keep down. Since I had just finished off, over the period of a week, a quart of creamy tomato soup,  it was time to restock.          

Virginia Ham Bone Bean and Vegeable Soup

First, take out your largest crockpot, the larger the better. Mine is 8 quart. If I was going to make this in my 6 quart, I would cut back on the amounts of vegetables, and possibly reduce the beans by 1/2 cup dried. The day before you plan to make the soup you will need to start soaking the beans.

That is one-half cup each of black beans, baby lima beans. small red beans, and navy beans (which are white, not navy. Jeez ...) I soaked them separately, but you don't have to. If you do not want to buy 4 bags of dried beans, just pick one bean, or a bag of mixed beans, preferably without split peas and/or red lentils. I love them both, but not for this soup. A one-pound bag of beans is approximately 2 cups.

Next, assuming you followed my menu for Thanksgiving dinner, haul that leftover bone out of the freezer and let it defrost overnight in the fridge. You may remember that I prepared a spiral-cut ham using Ina Garten's recipe, so the meat that was still attached to the bone was positively imbued with gorgeous flavor.

So you've got your soaked beans and you've got your defrosted bone. It is now officially the next day, preferably in the morning if you want the soup for dinner. Time to put it all together:

Drain and rinse the beans, then place them in the crockpot, pushing them away from the center. Place one large chopped onion in the center. Sprinkle the following over all:

2 tablespoons turbinado or light brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried celery seed
3 tablespoons dried parsley flakes

Then add:

1-28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 large bone from a Virginia ham with some meat left attached
1 quart water
4 garlic cloves, smashed and roughly chopped
1 teaspoon granulated garlic
2 cups chicken stock

Cover the crockpot, cook on high for 2 hours.  Remove the bone with tongs, stir the contents, and replace the bone, reversing top to bottom. Then add:

1/2 cup dried green lentils
3 stalk of celery, rough chop
4 carrots, rough chop
4 medium gold potatoes, cut into wedges, and then wedges crosscut in half
1 large onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, rough chop

Cover and cook on low for another 5 hours. Remove the bone, then remove any meat still attached to the bone and return the meat to the crockpot. I pulled the ham off in rather large chunks, but you can make it any size you like. Add:

1 cup frozen cut green beans, run under hot water for a minute
1 cup boiling water

Cover and let cook just until the green beans are done. Taste and re-season with any or all of the original seasonings. Tasty!

I call this a soup, but Rob says it is a "stoup", which is a Rachael Ray-ism for a very thick soup that just misses being a stew.  When  I reheat a thick soup for dinner, I usually thin it out a bit with water, stock, broth, or milk, depending on the soup. But that's me.

The Magic are playing the Nets tonight, and although it pains me to say this, "Go Magic, and beat Brooklyn!" Ouch.

                                        

The Bitch is Back

Monday - I wish I could report that I had a lovely, fabulous birthday on Saturday, but the truth is that it rated among the worst birthdays of my life. I am, however, profoundly grateful to all of my friends and family who sent me birthday greetings via Facebook, Messenger, and email. You cannot imagine how much you all helped in dragging me out of the depths of Fibromyalgia Pain and Depression Hell.

I haven't done any cooking since Christmas Day because I haven't needed to. There is a ridiculous amount of cooked food in my fridge, an equally ridiculous amount of soups, cookies, and fried foods in the freezer, and even if the cupboard was bare, I could not stand long enough to fuss with food to do more than fry an egg. I feel bad, folks, that's "bad" with a capital "B", and I don't see it passing in the near future.

My eyes and my head hurt so bad I feel like they are going to explode. At some point I decided I had to get out of the house, and decided to do some shopping at Publix, except this Publix was practically in Polk County.  I drove past Celebration and realized yet again that it was one of the eeriest places  in the world (think Stepford Wives eerie) second only to Central Islip State Mental Hospital. It creeps me out to drive past either location. Traffic was ridiculous both ways, but I got out and about and that was fine for me, especially once I got past Celebration.

I ended up buying a dozen Jammie Dodgers and other things that I needed for my bean soup (more about that tomorrow.) But the traffic coming back was so ridiculous I wasn't sure any of those Jammie Dodgers were going to be left by the time I got home.

It's a strange day in Kissimmee. The sky is full of helicopters and the streets are full of emergency vehicles. The clouds are black and white, like a tuxedo cat.

The Social Security Administration has officially turned down my disability claim. I've known that was coming for over a week. I'll explain how I knew another time but let's just say the government is so stupid it makes my eyes hurt. I can't think about it too much because when I do, I feel such a profound anger rising up, I know that I may say such vicious things to certain people that no apology in the world could ever make things right again. That's not who I am, but it is who I can be. The bitch is back, damn it.  Let me stuff her back into the closet with my mother's mink coat.

Besides, that is why I have engaged an agency to assist me with the whole process, including what is now going to be an appeal. According to Social Security, I am capable of working as an attorney. Perhaps I should put them in touch with a certain judge.  Perhaps I should just release the Flying Monkeys.

Donald Trump has to go. I'm just sayin'.

The Magic won big against the New Orleans Pelicans. The BBC is finally broadcasting something other than Doctor Who. And the beans are in for the Big Soak.

Speaking of Doctor Who, I stopped into Hobby Lobby on Tuesday (today) on my way back from having my nails done.  As I was walking towards where I thought the yarn should be (it wasn't) I saw this, front and center:

I am not responsible for this display I promise you that. Apparently no one else recognized it, which struck me odd.  I had to take a picture, although it took me a while because people kept walking in front of it. I was beginning to think I was the only one who could see it.

Bad Wolf. This can't be good.

A Very Late Merry Christmas - Christmas Big Beef and Roast Duck with Orange Sauce

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I still have no definitive answers regarding global warming, but I have noticed that the weather is frankly peculiar for Christmas Day.  I don't expect a White Christmas or even a Freezing Christmas, but after 24 years in Central Florida, I do expect a Cool Christmas, which is anything below 70 degrees Fahrenheit.  I do not expect beach weather, or flip flop weather, or wearing shorts weather. All I know is that the air conditioner is working to keep up with the heat. This is starting to remind me of a Twilight Zone episode with Lois Nettleton.  You know the one.

I'm on the third day of a Doctor Who marathon, waiting waiting waiting for the Christmas special tonight at 9:00.  We've been hooked into the BBC for so long, Robert wasn't sure if that was the real Queen giving her Christmas Day greating to Great Britain, or a character on a DW episode.
                                               

Inspiration is where you find it, and as I often do, I found inspiration for my Christmas beef in a Paula Deen cookbook. I made a few changes, thus the title of the recipe. I like eye round because it is solid and well-shaped for even roasting. I am also very conscious of the fact that eye round is very lean, and not the most tender cut of beef, so I cook it with extra care and aim for very rare.  This needs to be sliced thin (haul out your electric knives). It has a good, beefy flavor, as long as you do NOT overcook it. I know that my craving for Christmas Big Beef would be best served with a prime rib, but I didn't have time to arrange for a bank loan.

"If It's Not Perfect, Don't Blame Paula Deen" Eye of Round Beef Roast

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 teaspoon granulated garlic

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon Lawry's seasoned salt

1/2 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1-2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

1- 2.5 pound eye of round beef roast, well- trimmed

Combine the seasoning and spices in a shaker-top jar or bottle.  Place the eye round on a sheet of aluminum foil. Rub the olive oil over all of the beef's surfaces.  Sprinkle the seasoning all over the beef (use some or all of the seasoning). Wrap the aluminum foil around the beef, and place in the refrigerator for several hours, until ready to cook.

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. Unwrap the roast and place it in an aluminum baking pan.*  Put the roast in the oven and immediately reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees. Roast the beef for approximately 15 minutes per pound, but you must use a thermometer to check the roast and adjust the total cooking time.  By all that is holy, do not roast the meat past 125 degrees internal temperature, which will give you a medium-rare roast. (If you like your beef done more than medium, we have nothing to talk about.) Keep in mind that the shape of the roast will affect the length of cooking. Since my family likes super-rare meat, I'm aiming for 115-120 degrees, then pulling that roast out of the oven to cool for 15 minutes before carving.

*Paula Deen places the beef in an iron skillet for roasting. I have always used the aluminum pan, but since I now own a cast iron skillet, I'm going to try that.

Roast Duck with Orange Sauce (from Mama Leah's Jewish Kitchen by Leah Loeb Fischer)

I adore duck; it is one of my very favorite foods in the Known Universe and all Alternate Universes I have visited during a long life of reading and watching science fiction. It's right up there with lobster, king crab, and chocolate.

This is the only way I prepare whole duck. (Boneless duck breasts are another matter, but I have been denied reasonable access to them which causes me much anguish and annoyance at least several times a year.)

Now, you will notice that I do NOT prick the skin. Therefore, should you choose to try this recipe, you shall not prick the skin.  Trust me, and if you don't trust me, trust Mama Leah.

I'll be honest, I haven't the energy nor patience to type up the recipe right now, but I did find A LINK to the recipe exactly as it appears in the book.

If you can find this book, buy it - it is a lovely, hamisch Jewish cookbook. If you have this and Mimi Sheraton's book From My Mother's Kitchen, you can spend an afternoon in Flatbush whenever you feel the need.

I Have a Little List - Christmas Eve Bread Pudding

Thursday - Tonight I am making shrimp scampi for dinner to celebrate Christmas Eve.  These last weeks I've been doing a fair amount of cooking and baking, breaking up the projects across days. It may not bother you, but it is surely bothering me that I cannot get them all typed into the blog to publish with the not-so-daily posts.

Potato Latkes

Perline Pasta with a Dry Sauce

Key Lime Sugar Cookie Cups

Christmas Fruitcake Cookies

Rice Pudding

Italian Meatloaf with Roasted Rosemary Potatoes

Oatmeal Cookies with Pumpkin Spice Chips

Geez, I feel like I'm back at the office with a stack of staffing forms to catch up. Not a great feeling. I blame it on fibromyalgia and the BBC.

The scampi recipe will have to wait in the queue along with the others, but here is a wonderful bread pudding recipe I developed by improving on another one of my recipes from severl years back. In my opinion, the bread pudding just keeps getting better.

Christmas Eve Bread Pudding

2 loaves Pepperidge Farm French Toast Swirl Bread
4 eggs, beaten
1 cup sugar
1-15 oz. container whole milk ricotta cheese
2 sticks butter, melted, divided
1-14 oz. can coconut milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 tablespoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon maple extract
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1-15 oz. can Very Cherry Fruit Cocktail, drained
1-15.25 oz. can peach chunks, drained
1-6 oz. bottle maraschino cherries, drained
1 cup cherry-infused dried cranberries
1-18 oz. jar Smucker's Cherry Preserves

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut the bread into smaller pieces; eighths work well. Divide bread into two aluminum pans, then place in oven for up to 10 minutes, just to dry out. Set aside.

Pour about 1/4 cup of the melted butter into a large deep casserole dish - I found a 10 x 10 x 3 1/2 inch aluminum pan for this, or the standard 9 x 13 x 2 works as well - and spread it to cover all surfaces of the pan.

In a deep mixing bowl, add the sugar to the eggs and beat until the sugar is dissolved. Add the ricotta and beat again to combine. Now add the remaining melted butter, coconut milk, extracts and nutmeg and beat until combined. Pour this over the bread cubes, stir gently so all the cubes are covered iin liquid, and set aside until the bread is well soaked.

In the buttered casserole dish, layer the soaked bread with the drained canned fruit, drained whole maraschino cherries, and the dried fruit. Repeat until all ingredients are used up, ending with a layer of bread, then pour any remaining liquid over the top.

Bake for 40 minutes, then remove from the oven and carefully spoon the cherry preserves over the top. Return to the oven for another 20-30 minutes, until the center is set, and the internal temperature is at least 140 degrees (the edges will register higher.) Remove from the oven and let cool a bit. This is best eaten warm or room temperature ...

... with whipped cream or ice cream or both, because anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Merry Christmas!

Spoonie Does Roll That Way - Maple Pecan Sugar Cookie Cups

Thursday - As you may have guessed, it is becoming more difficult for me to type and publish a daily blog post (insert frownie face here). My wrists are hurting fairly often, my head is fuzzy, and I am frankly exhausted. So although this is Tuesday's post about Monday, I have stepped into the space-time continuum to jump ahead to Thursday because in a few hours it will be Christmas Eve, one of my favorites, and I want to wish all my Christian friends the very best, and may all the blessings of the holiday be yours. I especially want to send love and happiness to our dear friends Kathy and Al, and to say a heartfelt "thank you" for sharing your Christmas Eves with us for so many years - from the year you got married to the last Christmas before we moved to Florida. In your honor, I am preparing shrimp scampi for dinner (insert smiley face here).

These present times can be unrelentlessly grim, but as long as I have such rich and happy memories to cherish, life ain't so bad.

Tuesday - The Magic beat the Knicks at Madison Square Garden last night.  Sorry, Phil (Jackson), but I needed that win after a crazy afternoon in a strange Walmart (oxymoronic, I know), and after dealing with the kind of traffic that drives lesser mortals (non-New Yorkers) insane. People were stopping in the oddest places, blocking aisles and herding children. None of the other customers spoke English. Nor Spanish. Nor German, French, Italian, Portugeuse, or Korean. I felt like Someone had picked me up and dropped me in a very foreign country. The people were not rude, but they seemed cheerfully confused by the bounty laid out on the shelves.  I cover the aisles in Walmart in a well-established pattern, and these happy, snappy Slavic types were messing with my mind. When I finally finished shopping and paying, it was dark outside. Now I got really freaked out, because I was having a Bad Vision Day.

But you know what? Yesterday was a good day, because I got out of the house, saw the therapist, did my shopping, and got home in one piece, even if it did take me an hour and a half to get from the corner of John Young Parkway and Sand Lake Road to my house, normally a 20 minute ride. Oh, and before all that, I'd baked up the Maple Pecan Sugar Cookie Cups, taken them out of the tins to cool on racks, and generally speaking, spent my spoons wisely. My pain was contained, like ISIL (at least according to President Obama).

But that was yesterday and this is today, and I've got a different bunch of spoons to spend. I've been up and about since 7:30, which is unusual for me, at least these days. I sauteed some greens I picked up at Trader Joe's, and then I tackled today's Big Project: Potato Latkes. Yes, I know Hanukkah is over, but so what? It's December. Christmas is this Friday. My birthday is this Saturday. Who needs an excuse to eat potato latkes? And who doesn't need another miracle?

Making latkes is a cooking project I generally enjoy, as long as I'm not being rushed. Once I get into the rhythm of frying, it is very soothing, and frying up a tall tower of golden-brown, oniony, crispy on the outside, creamy on the inside perfect potato pancakes, it becomes entirely clear why I was born Jewish, in Brooklyn. Unfortunately, my back and legs are protesting the long hours on my feet, so I'm 3 Advil down and ready for more. I'm also chucking the idea of using the remaining hot oil to fry some corn fritters; I'd be squandering good spoons on a dish we don't really need right now.

I'd like to give you today's recipe - I really would - but I've been making potato latkes at least twice a year for over 40 years, and I've never really made it the same way twice. So much depends on the precise size and water content of each potato, what kind of onion is used, and whether or not it's Passover. You have to look at the bowl of mixed ingredients and use your judgment. Let's face it, my judgment is different from everyone else's. I was taught to cook by someone who did not own a set of measuring cups or measuring spoons, who cooked with kosher salt before it became popular, who thought Log Cabin was better than real maple syrup (it is) , and rarely fried anything, and then only in Mazola corn oil. Again, this was long before everybody got nuts about hydrogenated fats and high cholesterol. My mother was an excellent home cook of strong opinions. There is a reason I only use Hellmann's mayonnaise and Heinz ketchup, and that reason just happened to have had a personality disorder (my therapist insists Mom had narcissistic personality disorder, but I stand firmly behind my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.) I wonder if you carry your personality disorders with you into the Afterlife?  I sincerely hope not.      
                     

No Tai Chi class tonight, as my instructor is out of town. I have to admit, I threw around today's spoons with gay abandon, but I saved a few just for class, and I am sorry to miss it.  The next few weeks are going to be crazy when it comes to missing two important linchpins of my tenuous sanity, namely my therapist and my Tai Chi class, but I am determined to hang on, Sloopy, Sloopy hang on. You don't have to thank me for the earworm. Besides, I have a 5-day cruise on the Carnival Sunshine coming up. That should make me right as rain, or left as Bernie Sanders.

Maple Pecan Sugar Cookie Cups

2-16 oz. flat packages Pillsbury sugar cookies
48 pecan halves

Filling:
3 extra large eggs
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup Log Cabin syrup
1/2 tablespoon flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons melted butter

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spray 48 miniature muffin tins with Pam for baking. Place one piece of cookie dough in each muffin cup, and leave at room temperature just until soft enough to press the dough into and up the sides of the cup. The best way to do this is to use the handle end of a large wooden spoon or wooden mallet. Bake for 10 minutes, then remove and allow the cups to cool. They puff up in the oven, but they will sink down and act like a proper pie crust once they cool. Place one pecan half in each little cup, using the slightest pressure.Set aside while you prepare the filling.

In a medium bowl, using low speed throughout, beat the eggs just to mix. Add the sugar, Log Cain, flour, and salt. Beat together until combined, then stir in the melted butter. Divide the mixture among the 48 cups, filling close to but not all the way to the top, 2-3 teaspoons each cup. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, reversing the pan front to back halfway through. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then carefully loosen each cookie using the tip of a small, sharp knife, and remove to a wire rack to finish cooling. These should be held in the refrigerator, and they can be frozen for other occasions. The shell will absorb some of the filling, so the texture and appearance will be different from a traditional pecan tassie, but who cares when something is this delicious? Not me, pilgrim, not me.

If you simply cannot bring yourself to use Log Cabin, do not try it with real maple syrup - instead, use an equal amout of light corn syrup, which is what the oringal recipe (my recipe for Southern Pecan Pie) uses.  Log Cabin is nothing more than maple-flavored corn syrup, so I felt comfortable in substituting with Log Cabin.

Towards the end of the day I crashed, hard. Standing on my feet for hours, something I used to do every day in court, has set my nerve endings on fire. Perhaps I should not have done all that kitchen hand washing after frying the latkes. Aw, hell.