A Religious Experience - Turkey Leg "Osso Buco"

I had one. Yesterday. This is no joke, like when I quote Robert Preston's line to Julie Andrews in "Victor/Victoria": "Oh, the bathroom is a religious experience!" No, this really happened and even I, a believer, am stunned. And gratified and grateful and hopeful that the person who was the subject of my rather fervent prayers continues to improve.

Perhaps this experience had something to do with the fact that I prayed to "my" God, as well as to "their" God. Because I am an eternal wiseass, and because I had just gotten worrisome news, at one point I remember asking if Anybody could please get a message to Jesus. 

Laugh if you will, you unseen nonbeliever, but my prayers were answered immediately - my phone buzzed and I saw the message that there had been a release from the hospital. Thank you, God, in all of Your aspects.

Yesterday was a very rough day, fibromyalgically speaking, and you probably don't want to hear me bitch yet again. (Today is not starting out any better. Half an hour sleep; the rest of the time I was awake and in pain. Just now, while sitting in kitchen, I put my head down and after a few minutes I got an excruciating  pain on the left side of my head, from nasal cavity to my eye and up through to the back of my head, immediately followed by the sharp smell of ammonia. WTH?) We had an invite for breakfast, but I couldn't get out of bed much less go out of the house. And that's all I'm going to say about that except I do have a recipe to share, prepared late yesterday afternoon in desperation (cook or chuck the turkey leg, there is no refreeze) but it's not difficult.

Turkey Leg "Osso Buco"

1 3/4 - 2 pounds turkey leg (drumstick) cut crosswise

1/2 pound cherrywood smoked bacon, cut into squares

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons butter

1 large onion, chopped

2 carrots, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

6 cloves garlic, chopped

1/2 teaspoon cumin

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

kosher salt and ground black pepper, to taste

grated zest from 1/2 large navel orange

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 tablespoon honey

1-12 oz. bottle Shock Top Raspberry Wheat beer

chicken stock, as needed

In a deep heavy skillet, heat the oil over medium high heat.  Add the bacon in batches so the pieces don't stick to each other. Cook until brown but not burnt or hard, then remove and set aside.

Sprinkle the turnkey with some salt and pepper, then cook in the hot bacon fat about 2 minutes each side, until golden brown. Remove and set aside. Discard the bacon fat and let the pan cool, then wipe out the solid bits with a paper towel. Add the butter and return to medium heat, then add the carrots and celery,  Cook for a few minutes, then add the onion.  Cook for a few more minutes, then add the garlic and cook a little longer, until the garlic is fragrant.

Now add the spices, the ketchup, and the honey and stir to combine. Pour in the beer, stir, and add the bay leaf and orange zest, stirring.  Return the turkey to the pot, cover and cook for 2 hours on low to medium low. Halfway through, turn the turkey over. Check the sauce and adjust for seasoning. Cook until the turkey is very tender. There is not a great deal of sauce, so you can add some chicken stock to thin it out. Always taste and adjust your seasoning.

If you can't find the Shock Top Raspberry Wheat (I found it in Publix, individual bottle) and use a dark ale instead, cook the vegetables in 2 tablespoons of reserved bacon fat instead of the butter. I had originally planned on stirring the cooked bacon back into the sauce, but when I tasted the delicate flavor, decided against it. You can add the bacon back, or incorporate it into a side dish to accompany the turkey osso buco - I'm think of a risotto with bacon and peas. I promise to share that recipe if I go that way, but right now I can't stand up, much less stand at the stove for a half hour stirring risotto.

By the way, if you live near a Spanish supermarket like Bravo, check it out for the cut turkey legs. The price is going to be much better than Publix or even Walmart.

Oh hell, I may just cheat and make regular rice, the boil-in-bag type, and mix butter into it and then the bacon and peas. Don't forget the ground black pepper.

I have to show off a wonderful gift my son made for me. It's already in one of the china cabinets. It is BEAUTIFUL.

I love it.

Just one of those days

I had a very fine tai chi class this morning, and then I went food shopping in Publix, and then I made the spectacular mistake of cleaning up after the pets, changing pee pads and scooping litter and mopping floors. The boys were already on their way to a martial arts seminar so I thought ... well, I didn't really think. Used up all my spoons and then some. There will be no turkey osso buco and no discussion of modesty, or how the giant Eyes being built in cities all around the world are really part of a conspiracy to enslave the entire human race.

Let's try this again tomorrow.

"Nothing Can Faze Modesty Blaise" - Easy Pizza

Ignore that tagline. I'm just using it as a place holder for tomorrow's blog post. Just a reminder. But soooooo sixties. Like me.

We were off that ship and in our car by 7:44 am - and that's the best part of being platinum, better than even chocolate-covered strawberries. The weather is AWFUL - rainy and cold (63 degrees and stop laughing) Fortunately, the walkway from the terminal to the under cover parking is itself under cover. Checking my mail, I received an invitation to a breakfast meeting at the office for this morning. It's just the kind of slightly weird but lovable thing they do.

Finally we are home and I couldn't help but wrap myself in all the love from my furry kids. Then I curled up on the couch, surrounded by the doggies, and passed out. Slept for several hours and needed it badly. The last three cruises have not been restful and it is time to admit that the fibromyalgia has started to wreck even that little bit of personal enjoyment. Robert went out to buy some Powerball tickets (up to $800 million!!) Catching up on the news, which is particularly violent. Nothing that happened could have been prevented by the President's executive order. I am not opposed to improving background checks and targeting mental health problems, but neither of these can identify terrorists, foreign or domestic. They are criminals, and criminals are not known for their law-abiding ways.

I told you before that I hurt every day and that the only day-to-day difference is the level of the pain. That's now; several years ago it was 2 to 4 days a week, although that was sufficient to disrupt my life. I did a little thinking over the past week, and it occurred to me that the earliest signs of the fibromyalgia began to show up in 2010. It wasn't the chronic pain, but the cognitive problems that first signalled the onset.

I thought I was losing my mind. Oh, I'd had brain fog before - when I started menopause, and when I was taking the anti-depressant drug Effexor (Venlafaxine), but in time, those fogs cleared and my mind sharpened back up. This time, though, it kept getting worse until I was terrified that I was experiencing early onset Alzheimers. Anyone who tells you that fibromyalgia is not a progressive disease is woefully ignorant. I had to develop strategies for replacing words I could not recall and I know my court appearances suffered for it. As of today, I no longer have the ability to dredge up words. I ask other people for help; I certainly don't object if someone wants to finish my sentence for me. But it is virtually impossible to act as an effective and passionate advocate when you are fighting with yourself to remember words. In time, I lost the ability to retain new information - new case law, statutory updates, the whole new DCF matrix addressing how to interact with a family and determine if removal was necessary - my ability to read, understand, and remember was gone.  All I'd really had my whole life was my intellect, and now I was losing it. Think about that for a second.

And then came the pain.  If I remember correctly, 2012 was the year it started getting really bad. Frequent, chronic, debilitating pain in my shoulders, arms and hands. Harsh tingling in my arms, hands, and feet. Horrible gout-like pain. And the itching, that insane itching all over, but especially my forearms. They say fibromyalgia is invisible, but I have scars and damaged skin which prove it quite visible.  Progressive. My back, my legs, my knees. Sciatica flare ups. I think the first diagnosis of chronic pain syndrome came sometime that year, but it certainly could have been 2011. Once fibromyalgia became the working diagnosis, we started looking for relief, but for me, there is no relief. I won't take opioids (habit-forming!), and the other available medications don't really work for me. Some drugs, like Lyrica, had side effects I wasn't willing to live with.

The good thing about the pain is that it helped me put the whole thing together and realize that I did not have early onset Alzheimer's. The bad thing about the pain is everything else.

Have I mentioned the depression? The mood swings?  The whole panoply of mental health issues? Another time. I still have nightmares about my 72 hours in the crazy house.                                      

The time has come to appeal the decision of the SSA. I'm getting my ducks in a row. Watch me quack. Screw the pantywaist doctors; this is real. This is permanent.

I really wanted to talk about modesty today, and why I don't necessarily agree with totally open public breast feeding. I did, but I am much too tired and fuzzy-in-the-head to do it. Maybe tomorrow, although I have tai chi class in the morning. Maybe another day when my brain is working and it doesn't hurt to type.  Until then, guys just pull up your pants and gals stop wearing denim underpants out on the street.

While I'm not back into real cooking, I highly recommend using Pillsbury's crescent dough sheets for making pizza at home.  Goya tomato-based sofrito, Mexican cheese blend, pepperoni, green pepper strips, marinated artichokes, garlic pepper, dried basil, and parmesan. Put tin foil over a baking sheet, and no-stick spray the foil. Bake at 375 degrees for 10-13 minutes. Easy and good.                                                                                                        

                       

Winding Down, Packing Up, Sailing Out - Perline Pasta with a Dry Sauce

Last day of the cruise and the sun finally deigns to show its face. We're docked in Freeport, so a good percentage of the passengers have disembarked, leaving plenty of room to move about.  Food lines are very light, and tables on the pool deck are pretty much available. This is the sort of day we enjoy best on our cruises; too bad this one didn't show up until the end. What with the December cruise on the Sensation handing us the same crappy weather - and I blame El Niño, not Carnival - speaking for myself, I'm a bit cruised out. With tax season starting the minute we return home, I wouldn't be expecting any more cruising anyway until the end of April, but this year I am gladly waiting until the end of May when we will be sailing to Alaska with my cousins Cary and Maura. Cross-one-off-the-bucket-list.

This morning - well truthfully, I missed the morning. Missed breakfast and was on my way to missing lunch when Rob gently woke me up. So having pulled myself together, sort of, we headed to the pool deck and for the first time tried the burritos at the Blue Iguana Cantina.

Muy sabrosos (very tasty), especially the shrimp. Since I got to choose the fillings, there was no cold shredded lettuce or cold tomatoes or why-are-you-putting-filler-in-my-burrito? rice.

Chocolate cheesecake from the Chocolate Extravaganza (I skipped the chocolate fountain), hot black coffee, and for a few minutes anyway, all is well with the world. Life goes better with chocolate.

I've been catching up with the news - the Los Angeles prosecutor will not be filing criminal charges against Bill Cosby as the Statute of Limitations has run; a new drug is being developed to treat fibromyalgia chronic pain; the Bucs fired head coach Lovie Smith over the phone; nobody won the Powerball lottery yesterday, and the winning amount is now up to $700 million dollars; the stock market is down another 400 points and China's economy is tanking; North Korea is doing a happy dance over their not-really-hydrogen bomb testing; and the fashion industry appears to be bringing back modesty. I haven't even gotten to political news. The one I want to talk about is the article about modesty (seriously? Yes.) but that's going to take a while as I am going to try to avoid insulting and/or upsetting a whole bunch of people, and that takes thought and thought takes time. Maybe tomorrow.

So today is officially the best day of the cruise. We got to do what we like best which is to sit out and enjoy the good weather and the slow pace, to read or knit, and of course, to eat.  Since we are in Freeport, I also was able to get some really fine shots of working ships. Those 14 years in marine insurance, you know.

Let me leave you with a recipe and a bunch of photos, but first, a short list of suggestions for Carnival:

Hi Carnival, I'm one of your biggest fans, a platinum member who has been cruising almost exclusively on your ships since 2001.  As you might have realized, I'm a lot older than when I first started cruising, and my onboard needs have changed a bit. So could you look into making these additions to your cruise packages? Thanks!

1. I have to spend more time in the cabin that I used to due to health reasons.  I know I'm not the only one. Could you please add some more channels to your TV schedule? Definitely Food Network and FOX News, but Cooking Channel, FOX Sports (Florida), and BBC America would also be utterly terrific.

2. Please add a low-calorie soft drink to your iced tea/lemonade dispensers. I recommend Crystal Light.

3. Offer craft classes for adults, like knitting.  Maybe a fiber themed cruise? I know other cruise lines have done so successfully.

4. Same with cooking classes. And please change the menu for the cooking demonstration in Fahrenheit 555, and the Chef's Table menu. You do realize you have a huge number of repeat cruisers, and we really don't want to have to move over to Norwegian or Royal Caribbean to get a little variety.

5. Your crew continues to be wonderful. Extra props to cruise director Jaime Dee and Constantine, the maitre d' in the Sunset Dining Room. He's the best since Joseph, the self-proclaimed "super-charged maitre d'" from the Carnival Ecstasy. 


Here's the recipe (mine, not Carnival's):

Perline Pasta with a Dry Sauce

This is what happens when I go browsing in Trader Joe's.

The perline pasta has to be the best "filled" or "stuffed" pasta I've ever had. Each little purse has plenty of filling and you can really taste all of the flavors. Instead of a red sauce, or an Alfredo-type sauce, or even plain butter, I decided to do a "dry" sauce.  Cabbage-y vegetables make awesome dry sauces, like in Hungarian kraut sveckle, and there I was in Trader Joe's staring at a nifty cruciferous combo, and the light went on over my head, and I didn't even mind too much that they were out of cookie butter.

Like the kraut sveckle, this dish is all about combining cooked noodles with sautéed cabbage. So I cooked the perline pasta according to package directions, and then I cooked the cruciferous vegetable mix in a couple of tablespoons of butter, with some garlic-infused olive oil added. Medium to medium-low heat is enough for this. I also sliced up a lot of garlic - about 4 rather large cloves - and added them to the pan, with kosher salt, ground black pepper, and red pepper flakes.

When the green stuff was sufficiently tender and sweet from caramelization, I added the cooked, drained perline pasta to the pan and stirred them together over low heat. But ha! I snuck those green vegetables into my family's diet, and they ate them and they liked them.  Seriously good eats.

And now the Really Big Finish:

The photo just reminded me that I also grated a bunch of Romano cheese over the finished dish. And more black pepper, I am wild about black pepper.

Also wild about sea-going container vessels and the tug boats who love them.

All Over The Place - Expletives Deleted

I'm having the sort of day I wish those asshats at the Social Security Administration (hereinafter "SSA") could see. I cannot get out of bed; hell, it took me a half hour to f**king sit up. I told Robert to go ahead and have his breakfast without me. I figure if I start now, I might be able to get dressed and ready for lunch at Bonsai Sushi, but there is no way I am going to make it to breakfast. Not that I could eat anyhow.

Look, I am always in pain, the only thing that changes is the level. On a really "good" day, I suppose I'm around a 3; most days I don't go below a 6 or 7. Today can't be measured in numbers and my left arm is practically useless from the junction with the neck all the way down. Let's hope the Advil works because if I have to give in and take a Mobic (Meloxicam) or Robaxin (Methocarbomal), I'm going to be knocked out for the count. (But hey, SSA, of course I'm able to get up and dressed in a suit and pantyhose, and report to court in a timely fashion for a grueling day with Judge Nasty, slogging through judicial reviews I was unable to prepare for because my head doesn't work any more, on any day.)

I used to hate when people finished my sentences for me, but now I am profoundly grateful. That's fibromyalgia.

Now the cruise - yesterday we heard from Jaime Dee, the delightfully hyperactive, highly competent cruise director, that the weather was so bad that today's stop at Half Moon Cay was going to be cancelled. Can't run the tenders from the ship to island shore with the rain, wind, and high waves, so everyone please enjoy another fun day at sea. Hey, it happens. Unfortunately, the weather for both our recent cruises has been for sh*t, but considerably better than that cruise where we missed docking at two of the scheduled stops (including Key West, damn it), then sailed in circles for an extra day to give Hurricane Sandy a chance to get ahead of us. We literally followed that evil windy bitch at least as far as Brevard County, after which she headed north and destroyed my old neighborhood - all of them. Bitch.

I don't plan on voting for Ted Cruz under any circumstances; I have to admit he has conducted himself  in quite the savvy manner on the campaign trail, but never more so than when he responded to Donald Trump on the fake "birther" issue, and Cruz's eligibility to become President.

That's What Ted Said: Yes, that's my sweetheart Henry Winkler, "jumping the shark." Which I think sums up The Donald's campaign at so many levels, but only time will tell if the American electorate really has 2 brain cells to share among the whole bunch.

Ted Cruz is legally entitled to be sworn in as President of the United States (Yeah I read the Constitution unlike most members of Congress - what the hell were they doing in law school - running for student government and skipping Con Law?) Anyone who makes an issue about this is a f*cking idiot, I mean misinformed and misguided. You know what I mean.  Let's stick to the issues; I didn't care about Bill Clinton's sexual peccadillos while he was in office and I sure as hell don't care about them now, any more than I care about The Donald's third wife posing provocatively, dressed in nothing but her shoes and a smile.  Third Wife, First Lady? No indeed, let's not go there.

The Advil has blessedly taken the edge off of the pain, which means I will be able to get dressed for lunch at Bonsai Sushi, and knit, and do some mandala coloring, and knit.

But first, a message from Our Sponsor:

Yeah, that Advil gave me about an hour of mobility before starting to fade so trying to get dressed was a really crappy experience.  Creeping down to the little sushi restaurant was even worse. Sitting on the high chair had me practically in tears. My hands had problems working sufficiently to free the edamame from their pods.

Pain governs my life. Every moment, every movement, every thought is wrapped in that unpleasant reality. This is my new normal. Double f*ck and a healthy dose of damn-it-all-to-hell. I'm neither brave nor gracious about this. Cheerful words and aspirational memes just piss me off. If anyone (or any government agency) thinks I wouldn't rather be back at my job than live like this, they can go screw themselves. That includes the idiot doctor who told me "I can't say you're permanently disabled just because you don't want to work anymore."  If my memory was better, and I could remember which idiot doctor it was, I would fire his or her ass. Of course the frakking government has doctors terrified to state that their patient is permanently disabled, under penalty of something bad. One doctor was practically in tears, whining "I could lose my license!" For what? Telling the truth?

But now I am back in the stateroom and I feel safe.  I can take more Advil or even go to hell with myself and pop a Robaxin, which will knock me out. What the hell - I'm not going anywhere fast, or even slow.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

Right after the first of the year, I finished the little knitted shawl I'd been working on since the end of 2014.  I hadn't time to block it, so that's its fraternal twin I brought along to wear on the cruise. For 2016 I'd made no resolutions (except to continue my tai chi) but I had made a promise to myself to knit more.  Knitting is soothing except when I'm too upset to pick up a set of needles, which describes all of last year. But like the tai chi, it is something I need to do for myself. Several years back I decided that I was no longer knitting because I had to make something for someone. Most people neither understand nor appreciate a hand knit (or crocheted) gift, but beyond that, I decided I was not going to subject myself to deadlines or obligations.  I no longer knit sweaters because I hate knitting sweaters.  I no longer knit any really large projects that can't be done in smaller pieces that are then crocheted together, because I'm a post-menopausal woman living in bloody freaking Florida and I can't stand to wear turtlenecks, much less several pounds of wool draped over my lap and legs. Between the itching and sweating, I would definitely incline towards some act of violence. This is probably why I have so much trouble finishing log cabin afghans, as much as I love them.

I almost exclusively knit socks, indoor scarves, and shawls now, using lighter yarns and smaller needles.  I only wear knitted socks, so there is always a need.  I took some unfinished projects - 2 pairs of socks and one scarf - along for the trip, knowing full well I would be lucky to finish just one of them. While I don't think I'm going to get lucky, I have managed to make considerable progress on a pair of what the Yarn Harlot calls "plain vanilla" socks, which I'm knitting Hand Painted Knitting Yarn, no color name nor number, which I bought at The Yarn Mart in Little Rock, Arkansas.

What makes the pattern "plain vanilla" is that there is no pattern for lace or ripples or bobbles or cables. All you do is knit in stockinette and since socks are knit in the round, you don't have to purl.  Just knit. Keep calm and just knit. And that's my advice today, along with "read the Constitution for yourself."