Watcha Dune? - Plans Within Plans

Plans. I got 'em. More than the Bene Gesserit, kinder than the Harkonnens, better than the Emperor of the Known Universe.

Cooking. Baking.

Organizing.

Taking control.

Investigating.

None of these are moving anywhere except backwards. The last week has been a dreadful combo platter of chest pain, brain fuzzies, and worst of all an exhaustion that left me unable to even knit a sock, with featherweight needles and a few ounces of super fine weight yarn. All I've wanted to do is nap. No strength in my hands or arms.  Can't keep my eyes open. Can't think, can't type, can't blog. Thank you, fibromyalgia, you joy-sucking miserable f*cking son of a bitch. Yeah.

So here it is late afternoon Sunday and I've decided to give up until tomorrow. Although I am well-primed with Ranitidine and Ibuprofen, it seems a better plan to hold onto my spoons until tomorrow and then try this Living Thing again. Monday is a good day for Plans. Doesn't everyone start their diets on Monday? There you have it.

Except Monday turned out to be, well, Monday. I did a little cooking (recipe to follow) a little complaining to the firm handling my social security disability claim, and a little organizing of craft booklets and pamphlets (no lifting, can't lift) and all that did was get me ready for a 4 1/2 hour nap. My communication with the social security disability firm was ultimately helpful, however, I was
distressed at being told that obtaining a hearing in front of an administrative law judge involves an 18 to 24 month wait. Since we've already spent 6 months getting to this point where we can file an appeal, that means I will receive nothing from the SSA until I am 64 or 65, even though I retired when I was 62. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, knowing how long it can take to get a termination of parental rights case through the state court system or for veterans to receive medical care. I just wonder, how are people supposed to pay their bills when their claim gets stuck on sluggish? It looks like I'm about to find out.

This recipe is from last week. Sorry for the delay, but I've been knocked on my ass (tuchis to my fellow MOTs) most of the time in between.

Hawaiian Barbecue Flanken Riblets

First of all, flanken is a crosscut short rib, very popular in Jewish and Korean cooking, which suits my family to a tee. My mother (and therefore I) used flanken when making cabbage soup. Best
cabbage soup ever. Better than Toojay's, better than your Jewish grandma's version, assuming you have a Jewish grandma. Better, best. But that's another blog post.

Next, I made this dish to include rice with fire-roasted green bell peppers, to go along with the Hawaiian theme. I held back on the pineapple - Cory is not a fan - and Robert agreed that it would
not have added anything to the finished dish.

2 pounds chuck flanken (mine was frozen), a total of 6 pieces
Water
2 Knorr beef bouillon cubes
2 tablespoons McCormick garlic pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons turbinado sugar
1-18 oz. bottle Sweet Baby Ray's Hawaiian Style Barbecue Sauce
4 medium green bell peppers
Buttered rice, for serving

In a large pot, just barely cover the ribs with water. Add the bouillon cubes, garlic pepper, and sugar. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat, cover the pot and simmer the ribs until tender, about an hour. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Move the ribs to a baking dish and pour on about 2/3rds of the bottle of sauce. Cover with foil and bake in oven for 45 minutes or until the riblets are tender enough to be enjoyed by the dentally-challenged. Using kitchen shears, cut between the bones to make riblets, and set aside while you prepare the peppers.

Broil the peppers on all sides until he skin is blistered and charred. Immediately place in a plastic bag, sea, and set aside for at least 10 minutes. When cool enough to handle, use your fingers to remove the skin. If you don't get every last bit off, don't worry about it. Do not put the peppers under water while you are peeling them; this washes away a lot of the flavor. Remove the seeds and stem and cut the peppers vertically.

Cover bottom of a baking dish with cooked and buttered rice.  I used 2 boil-in-bag packets, a lot of butter, kosher salt and white pepper. Place the pepper strips over the rice. Spoon the riblets with all their sauce over the peppers. You may want to reheat the dish before serving so that all the elements are hot at the same time; if so cover with foil so the riblets don't dry out. Serves 4 to 6.

Coal Hauler's Daughter, or Somebody Get The Number of That Truck

Damn. When it happens, as it did on Monday, it feels like I've been run over by a 10 ton Mack truck hauling coal. The process of taking a shower was fraught with fright - will I be able to stand up the whole time? How will my skin feel when the water beats down on it? Will I be able to blow dry my hair or have to give up and go back to bed, leaving my hair (and my mood) in tatters?

Got it done, but every other plan has been put on hold.

Generally speaking, this has been a lost week. Little has gotten done, and I keep experiencing anxiety atttacks. I've gone through the motions but my heart, and certainly my head, are not in any of it.

I am in a very dark place, not so much for me but for people around me. Empathy is a two-edged sword. Their stories are not for me to tell, but I hurt for each and every one. Life is not only not fair, it positively sucks a good deal of the time.

Personally speaking, I hurt all over, and so I live on Advil and Zantac and Baclofen. I practice my tai chi to hopefully gain a few precious moments of relaxation. I try to make progress on the new Project Zero, but so slowly that it is imperceptible. Most of the time I end up sitting on the bed, exhausted from nothing. I knit ever so slowly. I spend time loving my pets, aware that Woody's time with us is drawing to a close.

I squint now, at everything. There is a serious disconnect between my eyeglass prescription and my vision, which is leaving me just a tad shaky whenever I leave the house. Hasn't even so bad since third grade, and I didn't drive back then. I am crazy anxious to get the cataracts taken care of.

I read the news voraciously, surprised to discover that I don't always disagree with President Obama. His choice for SCOTUS nominee is positively brilliant, and the Republicans are looking even more like the damn fools they are by refusing to even consider him. I am so glad that I dropped all affiliation to either party, even though I was unable to vote in the primary.

I guess I should publish this post; it's only taken 6 days to write it.

Knitting The Hand Basket to Hell

Tough night, rough morning. No details, just - rough. Yesterday I overdid, skittering around like a high-strung hummingbird on speed, letting myself feel overwhelmed, resulting in an anxiety attack. During the night there was pain. This morning, there is exhaustion. I do not have the strength to chew a bagel. Oy. I also do not have the patience to discuss politics. Today I am annoyed with all of them, including Hillary (and I usually give her a pass.)

If you haven't been watching All-Star Academy on Food Network, you missed Andrew Zimmern getting feisty. Let me paraphrase - "Sure, they're all Iron Chefs, while I'm just the schmuck from Travel Channel with too many frequent flier miles." I wish I could get the actual quote; there was something about eating bugs (or was it whale anus?) and he may have mentioned Brooklyn. Crazy competitive and darkly determined, he won the challenge. Good show @andrewzimmern!

My current project goal is organizing the upstairs bookshelves which should bring me naturally to the next project, organizing all of my craft materials - knitting, crochet, needlework, jewelry-making, and even my coloring books and pencils. Even after giving away enough yarn to start a small store, I still have too much of everything. That includes a ridiculous number of UFOs (unfinished objects), another dirty little secret of knitters and their crochet cousins. Some of my UFOs date back to the early eighties. Others need nothing more than to have the ends woven in, or a few buttons sewn on. And still others just need to be blocked, one of my least-favorite finishing activities.

Of course that doesn't even touch on the painful topic of half-finished afghans, scarves, shawls, hats, and socks, all requiring thousands of hours of actual knitting or crocheting. No wonder I got that overwhelming feeling. Better that I not think about that too much and just stick to finishing the dozen or so pairs of socks.

Why, thank you, Doctor! Now let me show you what a well-turned heel looks like:

I haven't really been up to cooking lately, so I pulled a few finished dishes out of the freezer, but having never learned to leave well enough alone, I did play around with a package of frozen flanken, spring boarding off of my recipe for beef ribs. It's pretty easy but I still shouldn't have done it, but what the hell? - Gotta eat, right?

Look for that recipe tomorrow. I just realized I am practically spoonless, and Blogger is getting wonky as I type.

Spin A Yarn, No Cannoli

The Audience: the Portugeuse have dropped out of the race leaving the Brazilians to pick up the slack on behalf of their national language-in-common. The United Kingdom has reappeared in a "big" way, which pleases me because I've always had a special place in my heart for Queen Elizabeth II, 1952 being an exceptional year for both of us.

Russia is back, but even better is the appearance of The Netherlands, representing one-eighth of my personal genealogy. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling to imagine Russian Osherowitzes and Dutch Nathans searching for me out in the Infinite Internet. (Waving) Hey! Over here!

Speaking of dropping out of the race, things are getting interesting in The Realm of Presidential Politics. I don't know what to think. Is Donald Trump really the Second Coming of Hitler? (No.) Are his followers all candidates for the New Neo-Nazi Party? How does Ted Cruz feel about being endorsed by Caitlyn Jenner? (Forget that last question. If I go there, I'll lose my mind.)

Shifting into The Next Project made me pensive. Where should I start? Bookshelves, boxes, closet? (Bookshelves won.) And why did I start unpacking two years ago, and then stop, leaving unopened boxes and bags piled hither and yon?

I could blame it on fibromyalgia, but I had the same problem when we moved into our second Hunter's Creek House in 2002, pre-fibromyalgia. Both times I started out like gangbusters, got a lot done, and then stopped as suddenly as a contestant on "Chopped" when Ted Allen yells "your time is up!" Except I never moved on to the next round, and no one ever offered me $10,000 to push through to the finish line. That house had too many rooms, and we had too much stuff. Maybe I was overwhelmed. Definitely I was depressed, but then, I'm always depressed.

In 2002 I was still hauling around 150 pounds of excess weight, and that wore me down. And I used to fall a lot. In 2014, I was deep in the throes of fibro flares f*cking up my ability to do much of anything. So, am I lazy? (According to my mother, yes I am. In my opinion, anyone who works 60 to 70 hours a week or works two jobs, or works and goes to night school is not lazy.)

There is no simple answer. I consider it a character flaw, and at my age, I'm not likely to undergo a complete change of character.  All I can do is break the task down into individual pieces and do my best. But at least now you know why I haven't invited you over for coffee and a cannoli.

Even though I have been knitting for 50 years, and crocheting almost as long, I am still shocked at all the craft-related stuff I have collected and held on to. Last night, as I nibbled at the edges of the project, it was all about books. Pattern books, stitch libraries, you name it. Photocopies, Internet print-outs, pamphlets, handwritten notes of something I designed.

I have no idea how many projects I've completed over the years. Different times brought different obsessions - baby clothes and blankets, adult-sized afghans worked on jumbo needles, crochet slippers that can be finished in an hour for the pair - one year I crocheting slippers for everyone in the legal department, Merry Christmas! - prayer shawls, scarves,

mittens, sweaters, hats, clothes for Cabbage Patch dolls,

... and of course, the omnipresent, ubiquitous socks.

I can't begin to enumerate the projects I started and never finished - WIPs (works in progress) are the secret shame of knitters and crocheters everywhere, and let's just leave it at that. Except to say that the problem of unfinished yarn-based WIPs parallels my unpacking problem. Interesting. Procrastinators of the world, unite! Maybe tomorrow ...      

                                     

Who, Nu? - Mexican Chorizo Stuffed Artichokes

Project Zero is, for all intents and purposes, completed. I would feel elated but for the fact that a project that should have taken me four hours had to be stretched out over two weeks. Moving on to the next project, I have started sorting books for the shelves in the upstairs hallway, and this is going to lead naturally into The Wonderful World of Fiber Arts. Yarn Out The Yin Yang. Innumerable Needles, Hellacious Quantities Of Hooks. Going through my craft supply boxes is like a mini-Christmas morning, which raises the oldest question in the Universe, the one I've been running from my entire life: Who knew I had all that stuff? Who Knew? Who Knew? (If you don't get the joke, Google Dorium Maldovar.)

But for right now - it is Saturday morning - I can do little more than sit on the bed, work on the blog, and indulge in some health-related worrying. Last week the optometrist very carefully explained to me the seriousness and symptoms of retinal detachment. She explained how to check for it, and what to do (treat it as a medical emergency) and which doctors to make an appointment with should the symptoms appear. This was all separate from the whole cataract extravaganza.

So I appreciated her caution, because who knew that five days later I would start to see the little flashy things - light bursts - in my right eye? And that the very next day, upon awakening, I would see the floaters? And why do these things always happen to me on the weekend?

Monday. I'll call the retinal specialists on Monday. Until then, I'll worry.

Last night Rob and I were guests at an engagement party for Terry and Dan's oldest son. I like happy occasions, and this crowd was happy.  The only sad part was being hit in the face with the Wet Fish of Regret, reminding me how much I miss working with Terry and Brenda and having them as part of my daily life.

Here is the Stuffed Artichoke recipe. Very adaptable to different types of sausage or cheese (pepper jack, anyone?) and variables such as bell peppers or jalapeños cooked along with the leeks and garlic.

Alcachofas Rellenas (Stuffed Artichokes)

4 medium artichokes
1-6 oz. box Stove Top Savory Herbs Stufing Mix
1 1/2 cup hot water
About 6 oz. of Mexican chorizo
2 medium leeks, light parts only, halved and sliced
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 tablespoons grated cotija cheese

Olive oil (garlic-infused if you have it)
Additional grated cotija cheese

Cut off the top 1/4 to 1/3 of each artichoke and trim the stems. Steam the artichokes, cut side down, for 15 minutes. Once they are cool enough to handle, remove the inner leaves and the choke. Be patient with this step; you want to remove all of the spiky, inedible choke without removing too many of the center leaves. Trim the spiky tips of the leaves with kitchen scissors.  Set aside while you prepare the stuffing.

In a large bowl mobile the stuffing mix and the hot water. Use a fork to combine just until the stuffing is moistened, then set aside.

Remove the chorizo from its casing and place in a skillet over medium-high heat. Break up the chorizo with a metal spoon as it cooks. After 2 minutes, it will have fallen apart and released a good amount of fat, so add the leeks and garlic, lower the heat to medium, and cook until the leeks are tender and the chorizo is lightly browned. Combine the chorizo with the stuffing mix, and add the cotija cheese.

Stuff each artichoke starting with the center, and then between the individual leaves. Place the artichokes in a baking dish so that they fit snugly and sit upright, or cheat like me and use an extra-large muffin tin (sometimes called Texas-sized). At this point I covered them with foil and put them in the refrigerator until it was closer to dinner time.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Drizzle some olive oil over the artichokes and sprinkle with a good amount of cotija cheese. Pour a small amount of water in the baking pan, or in the empty cups of the muffin tin (my preference), cover with the foil and bake for 30-40 minutes, until the stuffing is heated through.