Sunday, March 20, 2016

Coal Hauler's Daughter, or Somebody Get The Number of That Truck

Damn. When it happens, as it did on Monday, it feels like I've been run over by a 10 ton Mack truck hauling coal. The process of taking a shower was fraught with fright - will I be able to stand up the whole time? How will my skin feel when the water beats down on it? Will I be able to blow dry my hair or have to give up and go back to bed, leaving my hair (and my mood) in tatters?

Got it done, but every other plan has been put on hold.

Generally speaking, this has been a lost week. Little has gotten done, and I keep experiencing anxiety atttacks. I've gone through the motions but my heart, and certainly my head, are not in any of it.

I am in a very dark place, not so much for me but for people around me. Empathy is a two-edged sword. Their stories are not for me to tell, but I hurt for each and every one. Life is not only not fair, it positively sucks a good deal of the time.

Personally speaking, I hurt all over, and so I live on Advil and Zantac and Baclofen. I practice my tai chi to hopefully gain a few precious moments of relaxation. I try to make progress on the new Project Zero, but so slowly that it is imperceptible. Most of the time I end up sitting on the bed, exhausted from nothing. I knit ever so slowly. I spend time loving my pets, aware that Woody's time with us is drawing to a close.

I squint now, at everything. There is a serious disconnect between my eyeglass prescription and my vision, which is leaving me just a tad shaky whenever I leave the house. Hasn't even so bad since third grade, and I didn't drive back then. I am crazy anxious to get the cataracts taken care of.

I read the news voraciously, surprised to discover that I don't always disagree with President Obama. His choice for SCOTUS nominee is positively brilliant, and the Republicans are looking even more like the damn fools they are by refusing to even consider him. I am so glad that I dropped all affiliation to either party, even though I was unable to vote in the primary.

I guess I should publish this post; it's only taken 6 days to write it.

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