A Wasted Friday - Italian Pinwheel Rolls

Friday - Waking up is hard to do. Actually, the waking up part wasn't the problem; it was the getting-out-of-bed part that landed me in a crappy mood. Everything hurts. Everything. Plus I have that oversensitivity to sound thing going today - the dogs barking, the lawn guy and his weed whacker, cars whooshing down Clyde Street, I hate them all.  I am completely crabby. I should be wearing a sign that says "don't start with me, you know how I get."

Also, I am worried about two of my babies. Rob and I are pretty certain that Chelsea's vision is totally gone, except for the ability to see shadows. We knew that was inevitable, as she came to us with a serious eye condition and a bunch of prescriptions. All I can do now is keep her comfortable, which means cleaning both cornea at least twice a day to remove a nasty goo which forms a gelatinous film, sort of like an irregular, opaque contact lens. Needless to say, she doesn't care for the procedure, and I can't blame her.

Woody has lost weight, developed alopecia (losing his hair, like Tuffy) and has taken to living under one of the living room couches for most of the day and night. This is never a good sign.

A big pile of clean dirt (ha, now there's an oxymoron for you!) mysteriously appeared on the garden side of the house. James is going to play in the dirt for the next few days, getting the planting beds ready and then building the second tier., which will bring me one giant step closer to putting in the fall garden. Even working on my planting graphs is not snapping me out of my misery.

You would think I had done enough cooking for a while, but I'm waiting impatiently for a turkey to defrost and in the meantime I keep prowling in and out of the kitchen like a caged lion. Rawwr. I took out 4 cod fillets to defrost, but that still doesn't solve the here-and-now.

Forget the here-and-now.  It's been a bad day for pain, never got better. I've been wasted, as the kids used to say, or at least I wasted the day. Crap.

I'm watching preseason basketball, Wizards and Knicks.  Still a Knicks fan, except when they're playing the Magic. Of course when they play the Nets, I win no matter what happens.  Basketball season, my personal salvation from endless reruns of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I can't wait to watch my Magic.    

Whether you are busy watching the baseball play-offs or like me, moving into basketball season, you are going to need snacks, and this recipe is a good one.  Lots  of flavor, finger food that doesn't drip, and really easy to prepare. You can change the ingredients with your mood. This is a good time to wander up and down the condiments aisle in your favorite supermarket.

Italian Pinwheel Rolls

1 tube Pillsbury Crescent Dough Sheet
Prepared pesto (basil and/or tomato)
Chopped pepperoni and/or Italian salami
Chopped fried peppers from a jar of Mancini's brand
Chopped black olives
Shredded mozzarella cheese

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place a silpat on a metal baking sheet.

Roll out the crescent dough sheet so that a short end is facing you. Start by smearing some of the pesto on the dough. Sprinkle some of the mozzarella over the pesto.

Place the peppers and onions and the olives over the cheese, then sprinkle on some more of the cheese to finish. These photos show that you don't need to overload the dough with ingredients.

Carefully roll up the dough, starting at the short end. With a long, very sharp serrated knife, slice the roll into 8 pieces. Place the slices on the silpat. Sprinkle a bit more of the shredded cheese on top of each slice. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes until the dough is golden brown on top. Check that the undersides are not overbaked.

Move to a metal rack to cool.  Serve as is or with some spaghetti sauce for dipping.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Kielbasa and Kraut

This morning I woke up to that feeling of having someone with a large, strong hand squeezing at my heart. I've taken my medication, for what my doctor diagnosed as Barlow's Syndrome, faithfully since November 15, 1981. Except Barlow's Syndrome is mitral valve prolapse and this involves my tricuspid valve.  I'm beginning to think I should have gone to a cardiologist for a second opinion, but I have lived with this for so long, the urgency has sort of disappeared.

Ab, uski jan meri mutti me hai! 

The medication, which is a beta-blocker, is almost always effective except when it isn't. And right now it isn't although it will be soon because I've just taken my morning dose. Except the medication is supposed to be extended release, but lately it doesn't seem to be extending far enough into the day. When I was younger, I could fight through the discomfort and throw my whole self into my job. Unfortunately, those days are gone.        

Today's news was mostly grim, but there was one humorous touch: Republican Kevin McCarthy, the House Majority leader, has withdrawn from the race for Speaker of the House, a position he was geared to move into without issue, following the "retirement" of John Boehner. That was, until he opened his mouth. In what can only be characterized as an "excited utterance", and therefore trustworthy enough to qualify as an exception to the hearsay rule if hearsay had been involved, he blurted out that the House select committee on Benghazi, led by the impossibly coiffed and unbearably self-righteous Trey Gowdy (the man with the most confusing hair in Congress), was an attempt to hurt Hillary Clinton's poll numbers.  I hope Mrs. Clinton sent him a hand-written thank you note. It was probably one of the few times that a politician came out and spoke the unvarnished truth. Oops.

Which brings up the serious question that if the President and the majority of state Governors are subject to term limits, why not the members of Congress?

Chef Paul Prudhomme has passed away at the age of 75. God rest his soul.

Things are quiet around the garden; we are awaiting the delivery of yards and yards of dirt, to fill in and build up the planting boxes. My son, bless him, took on the onerous task of the cat litter box, which I had planned to deal with this morning. I think I can cook, but nothing complicated, and that's why I have planned on kielbasa and kraut, and some Italian pinwheel rolls.

But first, I want to revisit the beef stew. This morning I pulled it out of the refrigerator and proceeded to remove the layer of fat that had conveniently risen to the top and hardened. You can see that some of the seasoning - those are thyme leaves - came with it.  No way to avoid it, and that is why I recommend checking for seasoning after the fat is removed on the second day.  Just a reminder that the beef heart is glorious. I would have no reservations about replacing all of the stew beef with beef heart.

Kielbasa and Kraut

Kielbasa and Kraut is one of the easiest dishes to make, and one that my husband and son will scarf up with alacrity, forsaking all else I've cooked that week. When you look at the ingredients you may go "ick" - who combines sour cream with sauerkraut? - but it works so well, you really should try it at least once.

1 pound sliced kielbasa (I have always used Hillshire Farms for this. Always.)
2 onions, halved and sliced
1 - 1 pound jar sauerkraut, drained but not rinsed (I prefer Silver Floss Bavarian Style)
kosher salt and ground black pepper, to taste
caraway seeds, to taste
1 cup dairy sour cream
1 heaping tablespoon mayonnaise (Hellmann's, please)

Place the onions into the bottom of a deep, no-stick skillet. Cover with the kielbasa. Cover the pan and steam over medium-low heat until the onions are soft. Remove the cover, mix in the sauerkraut, salt, pepper and caraway seeds, and let heat through.

Just before serving, mix the sour cream with the mayonnaise to make a smooth sauce.  Add slowly to the kielbasa, stirring over a low heat.  Add more pepper if necessary.  Serve with some kind of noodle side dish.

The pinwheels ... ahhhhh, I was so sure I had already posted this recipe - I made the first batch last week, took some good photos - that I was surprised when I couldn't find the post. More brain fog, I presume. Anyway, I did make them today, and they came out even better than the first batch, and I will type it all up for tomorrow's blog.

Friendly Fire - Heart to Heart - The Offal Truth About Beef Stew

Wednesday - We've all heard the term "friendly fire." I have no idea what is friendly about bombing your own troops, or those of your allies, so that makes it an oxymoron, "moron" being the operative word. So speaking of morons,  President Obama calls Doctors Without Borders today and apologizes for bombing their hospital in Afghanistan.  "Sorry" don't get the cows milked, Barack old boy. No wonder we can't take out ISIS; we can't differentiate between the good guys and the bad guys.

The price of beef is giving me heart palpitations.  I've never been one to buy expensive steaks and prime ribs for home consumption - I like to enjoy them on those rare occasions we eat out at a good restaurant - but as you all probably know by now, even the so-called cheap cuts have gone sky high.  I am always looking for a way to lower my food budget I (I can hear my husband's guffaw), which has led me to explore the use of offal. You know, those nasty bits that every animal has, like liver, heart, brains (Happy Halloween!), tongue, tripe, kidney, etc.  Some I eat, like liver and tongue, and others I give wide berth.  Lately, I've been wondering about beef heart - after all, it is a muscle just like the meat we normally eat. There is nothing inherently nasty about it, like an intestine. Or brains. And my go-to guy for weird foods, Andrew Zimmern, recommends it highly. (Andrew also recommends insects, eyeballs, and field-dressed squirrels.  On behalf of all the squirrels living in those ginormous trees next to the courthouse, I just say no.)

I love beef stew.  Who doesn't love beef stew? Besides vegans and practicing Hindu, I mean. I have some strong feelings about beef stew. In my mind, a proper beef stew should be able to feed a dozen hungry people with nothing else on the table but napkins and forks.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't load the table up with three kinds of breads, seven sweets and seven sours, a big pile of kraut sveckle or kasha varnishkes, and a 14 pound roast turkey with stuffing. Because I would. I just can't stop myself.

I like a beef stew to be loaded with vegetables, and potatoes that don't disintegrate and disappear.  I like a lot of unthickened gravy made with a pile of onions. So I like this recipe, enough to share it with you. 

And here's the point of my invocation of Andrew Zimmern - do not be put off by the inclusion of beef heart. It makes up about one-third of the meat in the stew, and helped me keep down the price a bit. Beef heart is $2.49 a pound; there is almost no fat or other waste; it smells exactly like the other stew meat, and it tastes divine.

Just do it. There is no try.

1 - 12 oz. package center-cut, thickly sliced bacon, cut crosswise into squares

3 large onions, chopped

1/2 stick butter

kosher salt, ground black pepper, a pinch of sugar

2 large cloves of garlic, chopped

1 jalapeño, seeds and veins removed, minced

1 tablespoon dried thyme

2 pounds beef for stew

1 pound well-trimmed beef heart, cut same size as stew beef

garlic pepper

1 - 32 oz. box beef stock

2 cups red wine

4 cups water

2 medium stalks celery, with some leaves, left whole

1 large carrot, cut in half crosswise, then halved lengthwise

2 bay leaves

1 - 6 oz. can tomato paste

2 Knorr chicken bouillon cubes

1 1/2 pounds yellow baby potatoes

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into large cubes

1 pound zucchini, sliced

1 cup frozen peas and carrots, rinsed under warm water to defrost

1 cup frozen cut okra, rinsed under warm water to defrost

2 cups frozen broccoli and cauliflower combination (e.g. Publix "Alpine Blend"), rinsed under warm water to defrost

Place the stew beef and the beef heart in a large bowl. Season well with the garlic pepper and set aside.

Render the bacon in a large deep pot. Remove the cooked bacon with a slotted spoon and set aside. Add the butter to the bacon fat in the pot, and then add the onion.  Season with the salt, pepper and sugar. When the onion is well-softened, add the garlic, jalapeño, and thyme. Cook on medium high until the onion is just turning brown around the edges.

Add the beef and beef heart, stir and cook a few minutes on all sides. Add the beef stock, wine, water, celery, carrot, bay leaves, tomato paste, and chicken bouillon and bring to a boil.  Lower the heat to simmer, cover the pot and cook for 2 hours.

Taste the sauce and adjust your seasoning, if needed. Discard the celery. Add the potatoes and butternut squash; bring the heat back up to a boil, then lower to simmer, cover and cook for 30 minutes. Add the reserved bacon and zucchini and cover and cook for 15 minutes. Finally, add the defrosted vegetables, cover and cook another 15 minutes.

Now, check the meat and each type of vegetable for doneness, and cook a little bit longer if needed. You can overcook stew, so don't give it too much more time.

If you have the time and the space in your refrigerator, chill the stew overnight.  Next day, before reheating, remove the hardened fat that has risen to the top. Reheat slowly to avoid scorching the bottom. Add a little bit more water if needed. Taste the reheated stew and adjust the seasoning.  Serve in oversized soup bowls.  Take pictures of happy eaters and post on Facebook.

You may ask, "why those particular vegetables?" Ha, why not? Here is where you get to be creative, by subbing your favorite veggies in or yanking your least favorite out.

More on this tomorrow.

Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief - Judge Me Not

Tuesday morning and I have a doctor's appointment. In Orlando. Siri tells me it is going to rain today, but she won't tell me when. That silicon brat. But I can see for myself that the sky is gray and overcast, and a drizzle is in my immediate future, to which I say, feh.

And then there was every social work attorney's nightmare ... you're shopping, or (like me) picking up a coffee in Wawa, and someone comes up to you and says, "you may not remember me, but you took my children away ..." Awkward, you say?  Oh jeez, is it ever - except I must have hit the lottery (which I never play) because while I was reciting mantras to quell the panic, she gave me a big smile and thanked me - all of us - for being tough on her.  She'd gotten her kids back rather quickly, and stated everything was going well because the experience had made her a better parent.

It could have been the one who followed me right into my parking lot after the trial that terminated her parental rights, or the one who stood up in court, pointed at my supervisor sitting next to me,  bellowed "blasphemer!" and became so belligerent we had to be escorted out the back door by a deputy, or even the nutty New Yorker who sort of threatened me, and the deputy escorted me right up to my front door. Instead, I got the normal one who worked her case plan, got her kids back, and stayed on track. Right away, my day was looking up. 

Then I got to my doctor's office and waited ... and waited ... and waited some more, because that's the way she rolls. If someone comes in for a 15 minute meds check, but has had a bad month and needs to discuss it extensively, the doctor will spend the necessary time.  It is what I both like and kind of dislike about her. She has always given me the time I need, and over the past 7 months I've had my share of lengthy appointments.  On the other hand, I never quite know when I'm getting out of here.  This was something of a problem when I was a working girl, but being retired I can afford to be expansive (although not in the psychiatric sense, which defines expansive as "marked by an abnormal euphoric state and by delusions of grandeur." My delusions are never of grandeur.)

A one hour wait, a 10 minute appointment, and I'm off to my favorite Publix, the one I shopped in for 23 years, for butternut squash and eggs and for some other stuff that wasn't on my list but jumped into my cart of its own volition.  Unfortunately, all this normalcy wore me out and I got home and crashed, really bad. You know the feeling, when you are utterly fatigued but a nap only makes you feel worse. Like sick to your stomach worse.

Somehow, hours later, I managed to make the gnocchi from the dough in the refrigerator, And stopped. No beef stew tonight folks. The gnocchi recipe is from the Pasta by Hand cookbook that I was raving about last week; this time I prepared the potato gnocchi with parmagiano-reggiano. I froze the uncooked gnocchi, but I definitely want to cook some tomorrow. You definitely need to add that book to your cookbook collection, if you have a cookbook collection, and if not, you should use this book to start a cookbook collection.

While reading today's Orlando Sentinel, I came across two separate articles about local judges in trouble with the Judicial Qualifications Committee (JQC) and/or the Florida Supreme Court; this is in addition to the charges filed against the one here in my county.  What is it about wanting to become a judge, or actually becoming a judge, that causes lawyers to behave so abominably? It doesn't have to be that way - I know many judges who remain ethical and honest while retaining their humanity. Of course I've had my share of sociopaths - every lawyer has. And that's not right, not right at all. What if we all gave in to our inner five year old and threw a tantrum in front of everybody in court?

Everything happens for a reason, and that likely extends to my illness and forced early retirement, because I realize that I've put up with enough judicial bullshit to last a lifetime, and that it was only a matter of time before I told one of them to gather up their petty ego, take off that ill-fitting black polyester robe, and get the hell down off the Bench before embarrassing it any further.

First Monday in October - First Anniversary Inspiration Nation

Monday - One year ago today, I officially rebooted this blog, which I had started in 2011 and then all but abandoned later that same year. I'm not sure what triggered it, except my physical and emotional condition was deteriorating, and I felt the need to write. I was coming off a trial schedule that should have been damn near impossible, and 5 weeks before, my very favorite pet of all time, my sweet cat Ira, departed for the Rainbow Bridge after a long illness. (All I can say is thank God it was Judge Carsten, rather than Judge Shepard, on the bench the day I had to explain that I could not stay late to finish a trial because I had an appointment to take Ira to the vet for the last time.)

Speaking of judges, today is the first Monday in October, the day the United States Supreme Court begins the new session. Lawyers like that sort of thing for some dumb reason, although this is a very different Court than the one in existence when I attended law school. Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female Justice, had been on the Court for six years by then - a very far cry from the group that FDR referred to derisively as "The Nine Old Men." The makeup of the current Court would have been unimaginable at one time - what caught my attention was not the fact that there are now three women on the Court (including my all-time favorite, the Notorious R.B.G.), but that there are no Protestants.

From Wikipedia:
"The Court currently has six male and three female justices. One justice is African American, one is Latino, and two are Italian-Americans; six justices are Roman Catholics, and three are Jewish. The average age is 69 years, 10 months. Every current justice has an Ivy League background. Four justices are from the state of New York, two from New Jersey, two from California, and one from Georgia...

Most justices have been Protestants, including 35 Episcopalians, 19 Presbyterians, 10 Unitarians, five Methodists, and three Baptist." Apparently the Court has been without a Protestant Justice since 2010 which I find astonishing.  The working world in which I became an adult was run by Protestants, and I think I must have been traumatized by my early years in marine insurance, when neither women nor Jews were really welcome except for clerical positions. A Supreme Court composed of only Roman Catholics and Jews sounds like every neighborhood I lived in before moving to Florida.  Fascinating.

How did I get off on this tangent?

The past year has been one of the most - interesting - of my life.  I find myself in a place I never expected to be; I was so sure that I would "die at my desk" that I never considered any other alternative. So here I am trying to reinvent myself again. (yeah right, how is that working for you?)

Today was about gardening.  I should have done the potato gnocchi, but I didn't, and I hope the dough can be worked tomorrow.  But I got so much done today (and am already starting to pay for it), building on the weed-pulling of the last few days and clearing the garden of everything, even my beloved okra, which sent me a sweet goodbye message just as I was getting ready to rip its roots from the garden soil:

Yes, hiding among the tomatoes was a single perfect okra pod.  I thought I had harvested every last pod, but there was one just waiting for the perfect moment.

I also managed to salvage the last of the tomatoes and eggplant, which will probably end their short lives as bit players in a beef stew I am planning for later in the week. I transplanted the sage, rosemary, and Greek oregano to some of the long box planters on the porch rail, and moved those boxes with my pepper plants (still dropping flowers, damn it) to the west-facing rail.

I learned so much from my first gardening attempt - about the humanity of okra, the fickleness of squash, and how peppers really hate being overwatered.  This new planting season is going to be all about making better use of the space I have, and locating each type of vegetable where it will be happiest. With that in mind, I grabbed my measurements from the other day, created a list of available herbs and vegetables from the photos I took at Home Depot and Lowe's, and made a preliminary graph.

Tomorrow may be all about sitting and knitting, although if James is available to start the heavy stuff, I may be out there waving my baton (or knitting needle). So if you are in the vicinity of the courthouse and see a little old lady in a big floppy straw hat waving a 14 inch bamboo knitting needle at a hardworking gent in a baseball cap, wave. I promise to wave back.

Cleared for take-off

A Walk Through My Garden - Mushroom-Lover's Chicken Lombardy

Saturday - The sun is out and about, and I would like to enjoy it before the monsoon sweeps back in. First, I have avocado pits I want to plant in the flower boxes in the front of my house.  I usually start avocado plants by dangling the hind end of a denuded pit in water, but success is hit or miss so I'm going to try to bury them alive instead.  The other task I've set for myself, weather permitting, is to start pulling the weeds in my garden so that we can ready it for the fall planting.  All of this hinges on my level of pain which is simmering at a slow boil.

Last week Robert and I checked out the garden department at Lowe's, to get a good idea of what vegetable plants were going to be available.  Because my memory sucks, I took pictures.  I also took pictures of the seed packets - first time we had seen that at Lowe's - although, truth be known, I don't think I'm well-suited to start from seeds.  For starters, I just don't have sufficient planting area to accommodate all of the seedlings, assuming I want to do more than grow one or two types. I do better with the ready-to-plant pots, which let me choose a variety.      

After I planted the avocado pits, Rob and I went out to check on the ready-to-plant section at Home Depot in St. Cloud. OMG! I know where I am going to buy my plants. I also know that I am not going to pull weeds today. My road trip to Home Depot wore me out.                        

I have a bunch more pictures to help me remember everything Home Depot has available for planting, but these in particular captured the plants I did not expect to see, and now would love to fit into my garden. So that brings me to today, Sunday, and I'm all about measuring the available planting space. Last night I did some research on garden plans and on the vegetables themselves.  Did you know peppers do not like too much nitrogen?  And certain other plants do not like to have their roots disturbed at all, so transplanting is a no-no? Also that "intensive" planting is better than "row" planting for those of us with relatively small gardens?

Obviously, I want to grow what I know my family will eat. I also want to maximize chances for my peppers to flourish, and that means planting some brightly colored marigold in their vicinity. (Peppers need bees, and bees are drawn to bright flowers.) Also last season I planted herbs that I never use, like Thai basil and two different kinds of mint.  So I want to keep all of this in mind before I start piling plants into my cart at Home Depot.    

Having managed some weeding late yesterday once it had cooled down, I did a bit more, and made a proper go at measuring.  Once I get some graph paper I can plot it out,  but generally speaking I have 184 square feet, less the space taken up by the blueberry bushes, the chimney, and the area for access underneath the house. That's still a lot of herbs and vegetables.  Next year, James has proposed clearing out a whole line of shrubs across the back of our patio (I mean parking lot) to free up more gardening space. Imagine, a whole line of okra plants ...

Mushroom-Lover's Chicken Lombardy

The recipe for Chicken Lombardy has been around forever. It keeps showing up in regional and community cookbooks, which I collect, as well as some southern-type cookbooks.  This version happens to be how I made it today.   I've never made it this way before and I may never make it this way again.  But it turned out awfully good and tasty.  I know my boys will scarf it up or down or whatever direction in which you do your scarfing. I also want to pack up some for Mom and Dad, who don't scarrf, but will enjoy it, I'm sure.

4 very large skinless and boneless chicken breasts                      
Montreal Chicken Seasoning
Wondra flour
10 tablespoons of butter
24 oz. white mushrooms, sliced
Emeril's Essence
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1 Knorr chicken bouillon cube
1 cup water
1 1/2 cup dry sherry
1 tablespoon tomato paste (from a tube; I use Cento brand)
1/2 cup heavy cream, more as needed
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Quarter each chicken breast, by separating the tender section, cutting the thickest part in half horizontally, and cutting the largest piece in half.  Place each piece in a freezer bag and pound them on both side with a wooden meat mallet, until flattened to about 1/8th inch thickness.  Season both sides of each piece with the Montreal chicken seasoning, stack up the pieces in an aluminum baking dish, cover and place in the refrigerator for a few hours.

Melt 2 tablespoons of the butter in a large skillet over medium heat.  Sprinkle Wondra flour on both sides of four of the pieces and panfry in the butter until golden brown on each side.  Repeat for the remaining pieces, adding 2 tablespoons of butter each time. As they are cooked, place them in a clean baking dish, overlapping them to fit.  Set aside.

In the same skillet, add any remaining butter and all of the mushrooms. Sprinkle with Emerils' Essence. Let the mushrooms cook without stirring for about 5 minutes.  Add the onion to the skillet and stir. Continue cooking until the mushrooms and the onions are very tender. Using a slotted spoon, remove the mushrooms and onions from the skillet and spread over the chicken.

Now the sauce: to the liquid in the skillet add the Knorr cube, the water, and the sherry. Bring up the heat and let the sauce reduce by half, adding the tomato paste about halfway through. When the sauce is reduced, take off the heat and stir in the cream.

Spoon the sauce over and around the mushroom-topped chicken,  Combine the cheeses and sprinkle on top of the entire dish. Bake in a 450 degree oven for 10 minutes or until the cheese is melted and lightly browned in spots. Serves 8, maybe more.

I Died And Went To Avocado Heaven - Guacamole for the Dentally-Challenged and JAPS Salad

Kids, take care of your teeth.  Seriously. Or else you will end up dentally-challenged, like me.

But first - yesterday, Thursday that is, was a really terrible day to be Barack Obama.  It was a great day to be Vladimir Putin, however.  I don't like the feeling of being transported back to the days of my childhood when Richard Nixon was Vice-President and Nikita Khrushchev was banging his shoe on the podium at the United Nations. The point is that the United States has been kicked in the nuts, yet again, by Russia and its new best friend, Iran.  We have been made to appear weak and foolish, and we are clearly no longer the leader of the free world. Hell, I'm not sure there is a free world anymore; we are being held in thrall by Muslim terrorists and the strengthening remnants of the Cold War. We have led the Europeans, whose countries already simmer with unresolved anti-semitism, to abandon Israel.  If you haven't seen Netanyahu scolding the assembly at the United Nations, you should look for it online. I thought his head was going to explode from sheer fear for his country and fury at the major powers who are allowing this to happen.

And then there was another school shooting in Oregon. Nobody expects something like that to happen in the Pacific Northwest, but it did and many young people were killed or critically injured. The President took the opportunity to vent his spleen about gun control. While I am no fan of Barack Obama, I honestly understand where he was coming from and I will admit that a good deal of what he said made sense.  I support the Second Amendment, but it may be time to consider carefully crafted limitations regarding what kind of weaponry citizens can purchase and use.

I would also like to know what kind of craziness has infected us.  What degree of internal rage - and I know something about internal rage - causes someone to grab a gun and start shooting into a place where people congregate? Is there a mental illness that begats violent behavior? Is it the same sort of illness that causes domestic violence?  

Finally, let us not forget the hurricane, named Joaquin, heading towards the east coast. Three states, including New Jersey where I have family, and North Carolina where I have family and friends, have declared a state of emergency.

So that was all yesterday, and if I was Barack Obama, I'd be fucking depressed. And embarrassed. And ashamed. There's your legacy, Mr. President.

Last Friday, my friend Terry gifted me with five (5!!) fresh-off-the-tree-in-her-backyard avocados.  They still needed some ripening time, so I left them in a place of honor on my counter and started checking out recipes.  Did I mention that Terry's husband Dan started the avocado tree from the pit from a Florida avocado? How cool is that?

I am here to tell you that those were the best damn avocados I have ever eaten.  Better than Hass, better than the huge Florida avocados you can buy in the supermarket.  I wanted to use and enjoy each and every one, and I think with these two recipes I hit the mark. First is the recipe that the avocado was born to make: guacamole. I love it, and I make it often, following Alton Brown's recipe. This time, however, I was missing half the ingredients and wasn't up to making a trip to Publix, and I really didn't feel like chopping vegetables.  So here is my version of a super-easy guacamole that has the added advantage of being easy-to-eat for us dentally-challenged types.

Guacamole for the Dentally-Challenged (no chunks or hard bits)

2-3 ripe medium Florida avocados

lemon or lime juice

chunky salsa

kosher salt

cayenne pepper

ground cumin

The most important factor in creating a delicious guacamole is the avocado.  It has to be ripe enough to bring out the unique, buttery flavor, but not so overripe the flesh starts to turn brown inside.  The texture should be creamy and soft enough to mash with a dinner fork.  So you really need to take the time to let the avocados ripen on your kitchen counter, even if it takes two weeks, which is about how long my avocados were off the tree.

Scoop out the avocado flesh into a medium bowl. I cut the avocado in the shell, so when I scoop it immediately breaks up into pieces. Drizzle some lemon juice over the avocado pieces, then use a fork to mash them to whatever texture you prefer.

JAPS Salad (Jalapeno, Avocado, Palm and Shrimp)

1/2 of a 24 oz. jar hearts of palm, drained and rinsed, cut crosswise into 1/2 inch slices
1/4 sweet onion, thinly sliced
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 jicama, peeled and cut into 1/8-inch strips
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and minced

1 cup cooked salad shrimp, patted dry
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

honey, to taste
2 avocados, diced

In a medium bowl, combine the hearts of palm, onion, bell pepper, jicama, jalapeño, and shrimp. In a glass measuring cup combine the lime juice, orange juice, olive oil, salt and cumin.  Whisk together with a fork.  Taste and add a small amount of honey to taste. Combine the dressing with the salad, cover and refrigerate for at least one hour.  Add the avocado just before serving.

Let me critique this salad: I got this recipe from this site. I was really excited for the chance to use jicama, and to make good use of my wonderful avocados.  I don't know much about picking jicama, and this one wasn't as sweet as I had hoped.  There is a reason jicama is described as a cross between a potato and an apple; unfortunately I picked a so-so jicama.  The original recipe did not include honey in the dressing, but us Russian Jews love the sweet and sour, and so I made that adjustment.  Cory had the salad with his dinner, and liked it quite a bit, in part because he loves hearts of palm. He wasn't all that enthusiastic about the jicama.  The shrimp was my addition; clearly you can leave it out.

Happy avocado day!