Good things from the garden - Knockwurst Lentil Soup

I could crawl back into bed, I really could, and be done with the day. This is a TBA day (Total Body Ache) and it has me feeling sad before I even get started. Having said that, I am very glad I did haul this creaky old carcass out of bed, into clothes, and down the stairs. Road trip!

We - Rob, James and I - took one giant step closer to completion of my urban garden. Another trip to Home Depot for all kinds of practical stuff, like trellises and plant stakes. And then the plants, oh the plants!

Roses

The bougainvillea and the crotons are going to give a finished look to the front corner closest to the parking lot. The other plants, together with the other vegetables I picked up last week, are going to feed my family. No, really.

Green peas

Cucumber

Radicchio

"Never rub another man's rhubarb"

Ichiban and Black Beauty Eggplants

Tomatillos and Onions

And of course, tomatoes, eight kinds in total, including Mr. Stripey. I hope to be able to get both ripe and green tomatoes.  Fried green tomatoes, oh my.

That's as far as I got today; there are limits, and I reached mine pretty rapidly, without doing any lifting heavier than a tomato plant. I did prepare a favorite soup, incorporating the first vegetable harvest of this planting season, one perfect jalapeño.  I'm also in the midst of revising and finalizing the planting chart so my helpers can place things where I think they ought to be.

Knockwurst Lentil Soup:

I have been making this soup for 40 years and it never fails me. I originally got it from Weight Watchers, the really old, pre-Point Weight Watchers when Jean Nidetch still owned the company and if we wanted to bake anything we started by turning our daily bread allowance into crumbs. This recipe stands out among all the other WW recipes we collected, because it was so normal; there's no trickery or transformation. There is also not a drop of oil added. Even though my Weight Watcher days are over, I love this soup.

I admit to you now that this is the 2015 version; the jalapeño is the giveaway. I had never bought, much less used a jalapeño in my cooking, circa 1975. Same for the fresh herbs. In fact, the only fresh herb I ever saw my mother use was dill for her chicken soup, and back then, the grocer gave the dill away. Now that was service. I still occasionally pine for Waldbaum's, especially their deli counter, full of pickled herring and lox that was sliced right in front of you. Yeah, I love New York.

1 large onion, chopped

2 carrots, finely chopped

1 large stalk of celery, finely chopped

1 large clove of garlic, minced

1 jalapeño, finely chopped

1 - 14.5 oz. can diced tomatoes, undrained

2 Knorr chicken bouillon cubes, broken up

1 teaspoon chopped lemon thyme leaves

1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic

1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

1 pound of lentils, cooked according to package directions, drained and cooking liquid reserved

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 bay leaf

2 Hebrew National knockwurst, thinly sliced

kosher salt

ground black pepper

flat leaf parsley and additional lemon thyme leaves, chopped

In a large pot, combine the first 10 ingredients and cook on medium-high for 10 minutes or until the vegetables are tender. Stir often, and if this looks dry, add a small amount of the liquid from the lentils to prevent it from burning. 

Add enough water to the reserved cooking liquid to equal 5 cups, and add this liquid to the pot along with the cooked lentils, wine vinegar, and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat, cover the pot, and simmer for 30 minutes. Add the knockwurst, cover the pot, and simmer for another 5 to 10 minutes. Remove the cover and taste to adjust seasonings, including the salt and pepper. Stir in the parsley and lemon thyme.

If you can't get lemon thyme, use the regular fresh thyme, or just use a little more of the dried thyme.

Would you be my neighbor? - Yellow Squash Soufflé

A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
It's a neighborly day in this beautywood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

That lovely house next to mine, fronting on Clyde Street, is for sale. My neighbors moved out so fast, it was like watching an episode of The Flash. People, lights, and vehicles zooming about at super-speed. The day after the cleaning crew left, the sign went up. I hope the move was for a happy reason, like a well-paying promotion, but I guess I'll never know. Yes, none of my business and all that. If you are looking for a home or office space in downtown Kissimmee, it's worth a look. Olde Kissimmee Realty.

Today was the day I set for myself to work on my disability paperwork, and I did, and most of it is headed to their intended recipients.  I did not go to pieces, or walk away, or scream amd beat my breast. There was a brief moment that I wanted to spit back snarky answers, but I got control while laughing and treated the forms like the serious matter they are.  Endless questions - but almost all of them were relevant.I took my time, answered truthfully, and while rereading it, was surprised how screwed up my life has gotten because of my illnesses. 

I did not cook - my back went out, and that is that - but nobody is starving here. I did not do any planting - same back problem, and besides, I need someone to take care of the 10-10-10 fertilizer - move a deceptively heavy bag, distribute it among the beds, and rake it in. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Soon.

The squash soufflé was awesome! The only thing I would change is to increase the amount of squash I used. The original recipe called for 2 pounds, but I went forward with just the 1.5 pounds in the Green Giant package.  I would have liked that extra half pound to up the squash flavor. Despite that, it was delicious; the texture was exactly what I wanted.  Don't skip the steps separating the eggs and beating the whites, it makes a difference.

Yellow Squash Soufflé 

1 1/2 to 2 pounds yellow summer squash
2 tablespoons butter
1-2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 large garlic clove, chopped
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
1/2 green bell pepper, chopped
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped
24 Ritz crackers, crushed (I put them in a ziptop bag and use my hands to break them up)
1/2 pound grated cheese, Mexican blend (or cheddar)
4 extra-large eggs, separated
1/2 cup whole milk
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon sugar
ground black pepper, to taste
cayenne pepper, to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. With butter flavor no-stick spray, coat an aluminum baking dish.

Cut the squash into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Cook in boiling, salted water until softened, about 20 minutes. Drain. Purée with an immersion blended.  Drain again, using a fine mesh colander. Let it sit in the colander until ready to combine with the other ingredients.

In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium heat and add the olive oil to heat up. Add the onion, garlic, bell peppers, and jalapeño and cook until the onions are brown and tender.

Beat the egg whites with an electric beater until you have fairly stiff peaks (add a bit of cream of tartar during beating). Set aside. With the same beaters, mix the egg yolks for just a few seconds. With a wooden spoon, mix the squash purée, onions, peppers, garlic, cracker crumbs and cheese. Stir in the egg yolks, milk, sugar and seasonings. With a rubber spatula, fold in the beaten egg whites. Pour into the baking dish and bake until the top is lightly browned and the center firm, about 50 minutes.

Passed Out On a Sunday - Cheatin' Eggplant Parm

I just inadvertently erased two whole paragraphs, damn damn DAMN! All about Chelsea suffering from terrible itching throughout the night, and me up with her trying to make her comfortable. Bottom line, I woke up later than I would have liked, in pain, in minor panic, and not able to do much of anything. So no shopping trip to the garden center, and certainly no planting.

Cooking? Well now that's a possibility, but even that is a stretch.  As you may have seen at the end of yesterday's post, I picked up the new Pioneer Woman cookbook that I had been waiting for, mostly patiently, to show up at BJ's. I definitely want to take my time going through all of her recipes, and who knows what will pique my interest?  I also have a couple of projects buzzing around like bees in my head.  Bees ... I need even more flowers to attract bees to the garden.

I'm definitely going to make my knockwurst lentil soup. And cheatin' eggplant parm.  Beyond that, I couldn't say. Well, maybe I could - squash casserole.  Crockpot spareribs. Oxtails? Paella?

The cheatin' eggplant parm gets its name because I bypassed the most labor intensive part of the process, the eggplant itself. No peeling, slicing, salting, rinsing, breading, or frying.  I buy a nice big box of good quality breaded eggplant slices - I think it's Michelangelo brand, available in BJ's - and I bake about 18 of the best-sized pieces in the convection oven at 400 degrees, after spraying the pan and the top side of the eggplant with a no-stick olive oil, until the slices are done and brown.

Layer the eggplant with sauce (and I use Hunt's, which is cheap and perfect for this dish) and a couple of cheeses - I had grated Romano, shredded mozzarella, and thinly sliced provolone - and bake until the cheese is melted.  Seriously, this is college dorm cooking, as good and easy today as it was 40 years ago.

Can anyone explain to me why I am having a panic attack? Damn thing snuck up on me while I was working on the squash casserole - squash soufflé, really, since we're down south and all. Why now, why me?

It was a good day, although not totally what I expected it to be. I got things done, not just cooking. I caught up on last night's Doctor Who (excellent!) and even had Breakfast with Baker. James finished filling in all the dirt, and also power-washed the house, so everything is ready for me to start planting. Before planting, however, I have to go through paperwork, both for state and for federal disability benefits. After much thought, I have decided to appeal the decision of the state, so there are some forms to deal with for that. Then I have extensive forms to fill out for Social Security. Huh. Maybe that explains the panic attack.

The squash soufflé came out pretty darn delicious. Recipe and commentary tomorrow. Oh, and there is a cruise or three in our future. Things are looking up. I ate the squash for dinner and it stayed down. Booyah!

Keep Calm and Get a Pedicure

It has been a long time since I threw you folks an earworm - I guarantee you will be hearing Marni Nixon's sweet voice in your head for days.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight

I feel charming, oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real

About once every six weeks I allow myself to be pampered by Tammy at Decent Nails with a pedicure. I don't consider the nail fill to be pampering - that's a necessary, like a haircut, but unlike the self-administered haircut I can't apply my own acrylic nails. The pedicure, though - I could do that myself, but then I wouldn't get to sit in the massage chair while the nice lady applies moist heat and massages my feet and lower legs. Also she has that exquisite patience necessary to properly nip and shape my ugly little toenails, whereas I am likely to whack them off to the quick because they annoy me. When I leave here at the end of 2 hours, still unable to speak one word of Vietnamese, I will feel relaxed and pretty and for a little while will have forgotten about fibromyalgia, anti-semitism, and Trey Gowdy's hair.

I came across this article today on Facebook and I will tell you that I was so horrified I did not click on the link. In fact, I changed the title of the article for the purposes of this blog, and I am not providing the link: "Woman Defiles Jimmy Dean Sausage in Walmart Bathroom."

At one level, it is hysterically funny - typical Walmartian behavior, I can hear some people chuckling - but then I realized this spoke to a much bigger social problem, maybe more. First, chances are this woman is seriously mentally ill - okay, I'm stating the obvious here, but that being the case, does she really need to have her name and embarrassing behavior headlined by the media, and made to go viral over the Internet?  How does a therapist help her deal with that?

Second, and perhaps more importantly, why are our young people being exposed to articles like this, in the mainstream or even tabloid media?  How do we raise our children to respect privacy and modesty when we're all okay with prurient details like this being published? I am reminded of my abject horror, courtesy of the Supreme Pervert, Kenneth Starr, when a generation of very young children learned about oral sex leading up to and during the impeachment proceedings of President Bill Clinton.

I also remember a time when woman's sanitary products could not be advertised on TV, and when the media did not report on a President's personal peccadillos. Ads for Viagra and Cialis, with their blunt talk about 4-hour erections, or obsessing on the nitty-gritty details of presidential affairs, this offends me. Yes me, a child of the sixties, raised in the era of free love and cheap drugs.  I remember that there were always rumors, but they were not reported in the media.

We baby boomers may have invented the phrase "let it all hang out" but all the wildness was for the very young, and then we all outgrew the silliness. Baby boomers grew up, graduated college, got jobs, got married, and raised children without allowing them to be exposed to the sex lives of strangers. We got old. We retired.  Some of us got downright crotchety (mea culpa).

Did the President really veto increases in pay to the armed forces? Well, two out of three ain't bad ... what I am referring to is the President's remarks expressing concern over the death penalty and his request to deemphasize testing in schools. On these matters, I can get behind him 110%, which is totally unusual for me. But denying pay adjustments to our military? He just slid back into the "big dope" category.

The birthday party was lovely ... I certainly did not look as good at fifty as my friend Laura.  I had to take a nap earlier in the day to ensure I could make it to the party. So I did, and I did, and it was grand.  

No cooking today, but we did do a bit of shopping at BJ's earlier in the day, and I have Plans.

Rage of Angels - Go Scratch Green Bean Casserole

Wednesday - Nothing went the way I planned. Oh, I got things done, but totally out of order.  And while I was out shopping, the pain hit in a new location, and proved itself resistant to Zantac. Always pain of one sort or another, and pain is a distraction. But I'm not disabled, says the State of Florida. Pain and fuzziness shift from hour to hour; oh sure I can do a TPR trial! Good thing I won't take opioids, eh? Oh sure, I can draft a Final Judgment from a two week trial, to be checked and criticized by Attila the Hunny.  And I can certainly put in day after day of court hearings and be expected to stand there with a poker face, parroting back every single thing that ever happened in the case, causing us to have to work 2 hours late every day, because I have my cane to lean on. And when Attila throws one of her patented hissy fits, I've got 25 years experience and some drug with a weird name to keep me from having that panic attack which is going to fracture whatever composure I have left ... except the drug is really for depression, so at least I won't be depressed about going to pieces in a public arena.

Bitter? Hear that hollow laugh!  Why yes, I put a little makeup on my face and look a little better, so how can I be sick? What the fuck does "sick" look like?  What job can I do, oh might Division of Disability Determination, if I clearly can no longer function consistently and efficiently as a lawyer?              

I don't usually know where the rage comes from, but when it's there, it's not easy being me. This is killer anger, and when I hold it in to avoid being arrested on possible charges of aggravated assault or battery, I feel like my head is going to explode. That's where I am now, and that's where I was a half hour ago when I posted this on Facebook:

"Despite 10 hours of being grilled, yelled at, insulted, and lectured to by partisan Republican hatchet men (and women), Mrs. Clinton remained calm and non confrontational, answered every question put to her by this travesty of a committee, never trying to avoid the tough questions, even though there were many times the person barking the question at her began hollering over her answers so that it was hard to hear her. I don't know why anyone would rhapsodize about Trey Gowdy's skills as a federal prosecutor. I would say, however, he has proven himself to be an able persecutor. This travesty of an interrogation has to end before the Republican members of the committee do additional damage to US reputation abroad and at home."

It's not just the Benghazi committee-from-hell, you understand; when this happens, anything and everything sets it off. I don't know if this is a symptom of the fibromyalgia or something from my long-term emotional issues. I do know that it interferes with my ability to function. I hate this.

Boy, the mood of this blog post went south all of a sudden. Let's change that ...

Today (Friday) is my cousin Cary's birthday.  Happy birthday to my brother from another mother, one of the nicest guys around. Love you, cuz!

Go Scratch Green Bean and Mushroom Casserole

That should be "from scratch"- there's no cream of mushroom soup nor (sob!) French's French Fried onions in this multi-step, multi-pot casserole. Is it worth all the work? You be the judge (just not THAT judge. You know who I mean.) If it's not, I suppose you could tell me to "go scratch" or drop dead or even f**k off.  But I think you will be pleased, I really do.

Prepare:

1. Ree Drummond's Onion Strings (includes a soaking period, so start these first)

• 1 whole large onion, sliced super-thin and separated into rings
• 1 quart buttermilk
• Crystal Hot Sauce, to taste (this is my addition to Ree's recipe)
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon (scant) salt
• 1/4 teaspoon (to 1/2 teaspoon) cayenne pepper
• black pepper, to taste
• 1 quart (to 2 quarts) canola oil

Go to her blog by clicking on the link and then follow her directions.

2. Green Beans

• 1 pound of fresh green beans, trimmed and cut crosswise into thirds or quarters

Blanch in boiling water for five to six minutes, drain in a colander, and plunge into a bowl of ice-cold water to stop the cooking. Return to the colander and drain well. Set aside.

3. Mushroom Bechamel Sauce

• 4 tablespoons butter
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 pound cremini or button mushrooms, trimmed, sliced about 1/4 inch thick
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 3-4 cloves garlic, minced
• 6 tablespoons flour
• 1 1/4 cup white wine
• 1 Knorr chicken bouillon cube
• 1 1/4 cup half and half
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
• 1 tablespoon fresh oregano leaves
• Kosher salt
• ground black pepper
• ground white pepper
• smoked paprika

Melt the butter in a large skillet, and add the olive oil. Next add the mushrooms and cook on medium-high for about 10 minutes.  Add the onion and garlic and cook until the onions are translucent with some browning around the edges. Do not let the garlic get too dark.

Now add the flour, sprinkling it over all of the vegetables.  With a wooden spoon stir while cooking so that the flour coats all of the vegetables. You are making a roux here, so the flour will need a few minutes to cook out the floury smell.

Once that is done, add the wine and the Knorr cubes, and bring to a boil. Stir constantly; when the liquid has thickened, lower the heat and add the half and half and the remaining ingredients.  Cook until the sauce is heated through and well-thickened.  If it is too thick, add a small amount of half and half to thin it out.  Fold in the cooked green beans, and transfer to a baking dish.  Top the dish with about half of the onion strings, then cover with foil.  Bake in a 350 degree oven for 30-45 minutes until the casserole is bubbly.  Take the foil off for the last few minutes of baking if you like the onions extra crispy.

Yes, it is more work than the traditional casserole, but a real showstopper for your holiday table.

Ashkenazic Soul Food - Kasha Varnishkes

Tuesday - Damn, Damn, DAMN sneaky son of a bitch. I hate you fibromyalgia!

On Tuesday, after struggling to finish and publish the blog post I mostly wrote on Monday, that back pain blossomed into a total body experience which completely unravelled me. Fortunately I was already sprawled out on the couch, because if I'd had to actually walk to it, I wouldn't have made it.  My head became totally fogged up and I could not think straight, dithering with myself about buttermilk until I realized I had no chance of getting to  my car much less driving it to the market. I stayed in pain for hours after passing out on the couch. (Expletive deleted).

Wednesday - Good thing I typed up the kasha recipe the other day, because otherwise I would have nothing to offer you in the way of food.  Today I have to concentrate on a pile of disability paperwork before anything  else. (Ha ha, right. Maybe tomorrow.)

Uh oh, it seems I did not yet type up the kasha varnishkes recipe. You get the chicken wings today, the kasha on Thursday and the green bean casserole on Friday. That's my plan, but with fibromyalgia on the loose, who knows?

Thursday, and I'm still trying to pull myself together enough to publish a post with a recipe.  I think perhaps I need not to discuss politics or the Middle East, as both topics pull my mood down to the depths of Hell.  I fear for Israel to the point I feel sick over it.

Let me talk about happy things - slowly but surely my garden is pulling together. The rain is slowing us down a bit, but I hope to start planting this weekend.  I could have never done this if we had stayed in Hunter's Creek because of the strict covenants. Everything happens for a reason. It looks like the reason we had to leave that house was okra. And fresh herbs from my garden rather than from Publix. And a tomato named Mr. Stripey.

The wood frames are complete and almost all are filled with clean dirt

Look carefully - that's a jalapeño 

Kumquats ripening on my tree, just in time for fresh cranberry relish

Lettuce entertain you

Tomorrow is my cousin Cary's birthday. He is exactly my age plus eight weeks, and as I've often explained, he's my brother from another mother. Since our mothers were sisters, two crazy peas in a pod, no one understand our dysfunctional childhoods like we understand each other's. I love him dearly as I do his wife Maura and can't wait till our Alaska cruise next summer.

Now it can be told: the answer to the question "what do Emeril Lagasse, Ina Garten and Guy Fieri have in common, if it's not Food Network?"

Three different dates, a series of appearances at the Dr. Phillips' Center, and we have tickets.  I am totally excited to see them all. We got fairly decent seats, too.

Saturday we are going to a special 50th birthday party for our friend Laura. Since I've had to miss the last few social engagements because of ill-timed miserable fibro flairs, I am determined to make this one if I have to be wheeled in on a borrowed golf cart (it would have to be borrowed because neither Rob nor I play golf). I am crazy (as in crazy good) about the concept: we all go to a rather nice restaurant for dinner together, and in lieu of gifts, we go "Dutch." I love love love the idea. And after dinner we all go to a special suite - not sure what that's about, perhaps the birthday cake or an after-dinner drink.  Adults only. I love it! Did I tell you I love it? Why do I love it? Because picking out birthday gifts for adults is ridiculous. Chances are the adult doesn't really need anything, unless you are the type to buy cars and expensive jewelry for close friends. I would rather pay for my dinner and enjoy everyone's company. Very happy. I realize some people may be offended by the concept, but not me. Or Rob. I think it is brilliant.

I finally worked out the recipe for the green bean casserole. Thanksgiving will never be the same. Instead of cream of mushroom soup and some milk, my sauce is made from crimini mushrooms, fresh onions and garlic, mo' butter, fresh herbs, half-and-half, and wine, baby, wine, a nice bright Chardonnay. God willing and the crick don't rise, you get that recipe tomorrow.

Just a preview

And now finally, true Ashkenzic soul food - where else can you get so much satisfaction from a bunch of onions?

Kasha Varnishkes

1 cup coarse kasha (buckwheat groats)
1 extra large beaten egg
2 cups boiling water
4 onions, chopped
canola or corn oil
1 - 8 oz. package bowtie egg noodles (Manischewitz brand)
kosher salt and coarsely ground black pepper

In a large pot, boil the noodles according to package directions, rinse under cool water, and drain well.

Put the kasha into a heavy skillet; stir in the egg, coating each grain. Turn the heat to medium-low and stir the kasha until just dry, with each grain separate. Pour in the boiling water; cover and cook on low until all the water is absorbed, about 20 minutes.  Fry the onions in a good amount of oil until soft and golden brown.

In the large pot you used to cook the noodles, combine the kasha and the noodles together.  Add in the onions and all the cooking oil. Add the salt and pepper to taste.  Mix everything together; add a very little extra oil if dry. Heat together over low heat. Serve immediately or transfer to a baking pan, cover and refrigerate. Reheat in oven, still covered, until warmed all the way through, for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

This doubles easily; yes, I know that's eight onions to peel and chop and fry but it is totally, completely, indubitably worth it.

Time To Go, Joe - Crockpot Honey Hoisin Chicken Wings

Sixty-seven degrees this morning and I am FREEZING.  Crazy but true. In my head, I'm the eternal New Yorker, but this old body is definitely Floridian. My house, like the courthouse down the block, faces north, and I've stated before that the sidewalk in front of the courthouse is the coldest spot in Florida. Besides the northern exposure, the placement of the three big buildings that make up Courthouse Square has created a wind tunnel of sorts, capturing the wind, which is chilled because no sun can penetrate there and this icy-cold wind whips around in a continuous circle. Because the Square isn't really square. So add to my list of why I like retirement is not having to walk the block through Antarctica in a suit and heels.  Okay, I never wore a suit or heels, but I always wore a skirt.  And pantyhose. Now I can wear yoga pants, hand knit socks and my mock clogs. Maybe this retirement gig ain't so bad after all.

I've been bitching about Joe Biden over on Facebook. There is no excuse for his cutesy-bullshit of waiting for Hillary to fall to he can swoop in like a vulture to pick up the pieces and carry his party to victory.  First, Hillary is not going to fall. That ship has sailed and Trey Gowdy is going down with it. O Captain, my Captain. Partisan idiot. Secondly, Joe is not going to withstand the battering from the Republican front runner, Donald Trump.  Well, at least The Donald can't rag on Joe about those awful hair plugs he got planted in his scalp for his 1988 run - hair is a touchy topic with Donald, and by the way, his roots are showing and he needs a touch-up. Joe is turning into what my friend Chris calls a cluster f**K; besides, in my mind, there is something very unseemly and damn abnormal in running for President so soon after losing a son. That sort of profound grief has a terrible way of crushing people, and it would be far better for Joe to deal with the worst thing that can happen to a parent  instead of trying to bury it in a grueling campaign and what promises to be a brutal presidency. Vulture culture doesn't suit you, Joe nor does the inevitable conclusion that you were looking for the sympathy vote.When Barack Obama leaves the White House, you need to leave with him.  Ciao, Mr. Vice President. (Since I wrote this, Biden announced his decision not to run. He chose wisely. Thank you, Mr. Vice President.)

Which brings me to the Middle East, in a manner of speaking. To say I am a Zionist is a vast understatement. The bias of a good part of the media (MSNBC comes to mind) and the Obama administration's clumsy attempt to equate Israeli self-defense with Palestinian terrorism are mind-boggling in the depth and breadth of rampant, never-ending anti-Semitism. I support Netanyahu and Israel in doing whatever they have to do to secure their country and keep it safe from terrorists. And if that offends you, unfriend me on Facebook, throw me out of your Google circle, strike my name from your Christmas card list. Am Yisrael Chai - the People of Israel shall live. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Time to switch to a happier, less-controversial topic - have you figured out what Emeril Lagasse, Ina Garten, and Guy Fieri have in common, if it's not Food Network?

Yesterday I overdid, but was still unable to fall asleep so I got out of bed at 1:30 in the morning and cut my hair. Yes, yes, short again and damn glad of it.  I look like a superannuated pixie ... I knew in my heart that my Big Hair days were over, but at this time of my life I felt the need to swim upstream just a bit. I always forget just how thick, wavy-curly-frizzy and unmanageable my hair really is when it has a little length to it. I also forgot just how much weight even a little bit of extra hair adds to my head, giving me headaches.

How does my garden grow? Thanks for asking! Well, my planting plans are going to be put off her another day as my back has started to hurt in all directions and several different ways, and James still has some more work to finish this magnificent project. I'm really stoked about growing my own food, but today is just not the day to put down roots, so to speak. Yesterday, as part of my overdoing I went to Home Depot and snagged a whole bunch of brassica (cruciferous) vegetables, plus some romaine, spinach, and summer squash (it's always summer in Florida, except for the last 2 weeks of January and the first 2 weeks of February. And no snow, not ever. So there.)

The back brou-ha-ha has also put a kibosh on a recipe I put together involving green beans and Thanksgiving. That's all I'm going to say for now except don't start looking for that out-of-date can of cream of mushroom soup in the very furthest corner of your pantry. You won't be needing it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          But you will need this recipe for wings, which are so good you will be left wondering how you ever lived without them.

Crockpot Honey Hoisin Chicken Wings

3 pounds chicken wings, separated (I used Perdue frozen wings and briefly rinsed them in warm water)

my seasoning blend (or just use salt and pepper)

1-12 oz. bottle pure clover honey

1/2 cup hoisin sauce

1 tablespoon minced garlic (about 2 very large cloves)

1/2 tablespoon Gourmet Garden ginger paste

2 tablespoons canola oil

several drops of Sriracha sauce

Season the chicken wings on both sides with salt and pepper and set aside.  Spray the inside of your crockpot with olive oil spray. Whisk together the remaining ingredients.

Place half the wings in the bottom of the crockpot, then pour on half of the honey hoisin sauce.  Repeat with the remaining wings and sauce.  Cover the crockpot and cook on low for 4 hours.  Halfway through, carefully stir the wings to reverse the two layers.

Keep in mind that I started with frozen wings, that I did not defrost but I did rinse off the ice. At the 4 hour mark the wings were perfect - tender and cooked all the way through but not coming off the bone. The sauce was well-absorbed, but I wanted to try to glaze the wings, so - I removed them from the crockpot to a low aluminum baking dish (like you would use for lasagna.) I placed them under the broiler with the door open and watched them closely. When the skin became somewhat crispy, I turned them over to broil the other side.

At the same time, I covered the crockpot and turned it to high. Once the sauce started to bubble, I removed the cover so the sauce could reduce. Once it was reduced to where I liked it, I ladled the sauce over the wings. What can I say? Perfect.

                    

Was It Something I Said? - Butternut Squash Bisque

The People Next Door are moving out.  Huh? Didn't they just move in? Yes, but even though they moved in - technically speaking - they were almost never there.  When their Hummer reappeared after a lengthy absence, my mind filed them under "Snowbirds" and I gave the matter little further thought (okay, I was curious - the house has been in one of Kissimmee's First Families for almost 100 years, and I am pretty sure at one time they owned the property my house sits upon.)

Then this morning, Two Men pulled up in their Truck, and headed into the house with stacks of boxes and bubble wrap. Listen, I can see everything from my kitchen window. Well. First, let me state off the bat (baseball reference - Go Mets!!) that I hope they are not leaving because of illness, reversal of fortune, or another Bad Thing. I also hope they are not leaving because they decided they hate living in Kissimmee, because that would be churlish of them.  What's not to love? The vrooming motorcycles, the emergency vehicles screaming down Clyde Street, the (really) odd folks talking to themselves (or maybe to their smartphones) walking to 7-11, grown men on bicycles (I'm not talking Lance Armstrong here), the lady in her wheelchair being walked by her dog, the slightly off neighbor growing okra in her side yard? Maybe it's the ghost with binoculars, peering out the windows of Judge Draper's chambers on the sixth floor of the courthouse at an hour I am certain she is home with her family.  Why does a ghost have to put the lights on at 2 AM?

Since the neighbors are not the talkative type, I guess I will never know.  I'm not the kind of intrusive neighbor who knows all of everyone else's business - actually, I'm a smiling waver, the kind of neighbor who can live in the same house for 12 years and never know the names of any of the other street residents - but the neighbor lady here didn't even wave, and she never smiled. No children or grandchildren, no visitors, no new landscaping. If they are indeed moving, I hope an urban farmer moves in. That could be fun. And heaven knows, I've got a lot of okra recipes ...

I've been thinking a bit about Trey Gowdy. The man got screwed by members of his own party and he didn't even get to enjoy it. Trey Gowdy, the Man with the Impossible Hair, Chairman of the Benghazi Witch Hunt, I mean Committee, made the same mistake Kenneth Starr did all those years ago, trying to bring down a Clinton on the taxpayer's dime. Apparently Trey became so vexed when several GOP congressman stated that Trey's precious Committee was formed for the purpose of tanking Hillary Clinton's poll numbers that he told them to "shut up." Oops. Very unprofessional. He might as well have tweeted them to STFU, like a kid might do. Makes him look foolish, and who knows how they will react? The one time I told my mother to shut up - I was 22 - she did exactly what I said, and then would not talk to me for a month.  It was only when she realized I had gotten a new job and was moving to my own apartment that she broke silence. Silence has fallen for Trey Gowdy and his Impossible Hair - can you say "Madam President?"

I've also been thinking about Donald Trump, another Man with Impossible Hair. I like the way he needles certain other Republican candidates until they lose their composure and snap back at him. He's just about sent Jeb Bush over the cliff with his attack on Jeb's brother, the man that stole the title of "Worst President Ever" from Jimmy Carter.

I've also been thinking about men's ties, sharks, gators and bears (oh my!), my fall garden, and Joe Biden. That's at least two, maybe more, other blog posts, but stay tuned and ask yourself this: what do Emeril Lagasse, Ina Garten and Guy Fieri have in common? I'll give you a clue - it's not Food Network.

Yes, roses. Soon.

Stay safe, stay warm, stay happy.

And now, from my weekend of cooking, Butternut Squash Bisque. This came out of my head (and I guess my heart) and I was very happy with the results.

Butternut Squash Bisque

4 tablespoons butter

1 very large sweet onion, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

1 very large clove garlic, minced

kosher salt

black pepper

light brown sugar

3 carrots, sliced very thin

1 butternut squash, about 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 pounds, seeded, peeled, cut into small cubes

ground sage

ground coriander

1 bay leaf

2 Knorr chicken bouillon cubes

6 cups of water

2 Russet potatoes, peeled, cut into small cubes

1 Gala apple, peeled and cubed

heavy cream

Melt the butter in a large, deep pot. Add the onion, celery, garlic, salt, pepper, and light brown sugar.  Cook on medium until the vegetables are getting soft. Add the carrot and continue to cook until the onions show sign of caramelization; take your time with this step.

Now add the butternut squash and stir with the other vegetables to cook for a few minutes.  Add the ground sage, coriander and bay leaf, and stir to distribute evenly.  Break up the bouillon cubes, and add to the pot.  Pour in the water. Bring the contents of the pot to a boil, then lower to simmer and cover the pot.  Cook for 15 minutes. Stir in the potatoes and apple; bring to a boil, then lower to a simmer, cover and cook another 15 -20 minutes or until the potatoes are very tender.

Turn off the heat and remove the bay leaf. With an immersion blender, blend the soup until it is smooth. Taste and adjust your seasoning; I needed more salt and ground sage but your mileage may vary. Now add the heavy cream, a tablespoon at a time, until the bisque is to your taste. Some people like a whole lot of cream in their soup, but I'm not one of them.  Also, too much cream will mask the delicate butternut flavor.  Use your judgment; choose wisely.

Accidental Aromatherapy - Cheatin' Cheese and Macaroni

As expected, it was a rough morning, due in no less part to the pounding in my chest.  The palpitations have not been this bad for a very long time - years, in fact - and I see a visit to the doctor in my future. The problem is that I've had enough of doctors to last me a lifetime, and I am no more interested in getting back on that particular treadmill than I am in running the New York Marathon.  I know it's my heart, because after struggling to get up to retrieve the Inderal, and having to lie down after taking it, within 15 minutes the worst of the pounding stops. Hum. Well, I'll think about that tomorrow.

Today, if I do nothing else, I am going to prepare the kasha varnishkes. Actually, I've already done something else - popped the defrosted pork loin roast in the oven - so I definitely have to do the kasha. I've been having kasha cravings, and those cannot be denied. This is one of those dishes I grew up with, totally Ashkenazic Brooklyn Jewish cooking, and I make it just as my grandmother did, because she rocked this dish.

I also rearranged some of the other ingredients I bought to do one thing but am now going to do another. So besides the kasha varnishkes, without the mushrooms I had originally planned on, I am going to try an Emerilized version of green bean casserole, with those mushrooms, but without the prosciutto I was going to wrap around green bean bundles. The prosciutto is instead draped over the pork loin, which was already well-seasoned with Jamaican Jolt seasoning prior to my freezing it back in January. All I can say is that my kitchen smells good and is going to smell even better in a few minutes when the onions hit the hot oil.

Speaking of good smells, I had some aromatherapy today and it was quite relaxing. Now, I like essential oils, my favorites being lavender and ylang-ylang, but I am here to tell you that the best aromatherapy is no further than your herb garden. Oh, you don't have an herb garden? You might want to rethink that - you can grow them in pots on a window sill, unless you have a cat. Cats love herbs, and not just catnip. Cats knock over potted plants, just because they can.

Cilantro

Fernleaf Dill

Onion Chives

Lemon Thyme

Crush a leaf between your fingers and inhale (it's okay to inhale here). Some herbs, like rosemary, don't even need to be crushed for you to catch that wonderful aroma.  And truly, the scent of your favorite herb is wonderfully pleasing to mind and body. Even if you don't cook much, you should grow herbs.

Purple Basil

Garden Sage

Rosemary

Spearmint, my favorite

Spicy Globe Basil

Here's another recipe from this weekend's cooking marathon:

Cheatin' Cheese and Macaroni

2 tablespoons butter

16 oz. box large elbows

16 oz. whole milk ricotta

6 oz. crumbled feta

1 cup sour cream

2 jars Ragu Double Cheddar sauce

1 cup heavy cream, divided

1 1/2 cup extra sharp cheddar

1 1/2 cup mozzarella

2 cups pepper jack

1 1/2 cups French's French Fried Onions

2 tablespoons butter

This is an easier version of my Frankenchikaroni. It does not have the buffalo chicken nuggets, but it does have a very rich, very cheesy, velvetty almost fluffy sauce, and the large elbow pasta does it justice.  There is no roux nor Velveeta, but you will have to take a deep breath and purchase two bottles of Ragu cheese sauce. Relax, it's pretty good. I kept the French's onion topping because Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and well, those are French's French fried onions and some of us eat them straight from their container because they are that good. And naughty.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put 2 tablespoons of butter in a deep aluminum pan and put the pan into the preheating oven to melt the butter. Cook the elbow macaroni according to package directions, rinse and drain well.  In a large bowl, combine the cooked macaroni with the feta, ricotta and sour cream. Set aside.

Pour the cheese sauce into a medium saucepan. Add half of the heavy cream to each sauce bottle, put the lids on, and shake well.  Pour the contents of the bottles into the saucepan.  Bring up the heat; add the shredded cheddar, pepper jack, and mozzarella cheeses and stir until melted. Combine the macaroni and the cheese sauce, and scoop into the buttered pan.

Generously top the macaroni with the fried onions and pour the melted butter over the onions. Bake in the oven for 20 to 30 minutes, until the onions are uniformly well-browned.