But wait!

Monday, Day 19 - I am looking forward to my colonoscopy tomorrow morning.  No, I really am.  Truly, definitely, and most sincerely. I can't wait. 

In the grand scheme of things, a colonoscopy is practically humorous.  Practically?  Hysterically!  I am laughing so hard I can't drink my Clear and Convincing Chicken Soup.  No matter, this is already my fourth cup.  Not only is it really good, but it is also the only thing I can eat, at least until my green Jell-o is completely jelled.

I wish I could sleep.  I did not sleep more than two hours last night and I am, to quote someone who had to listen to me bitch and moan today, "fretful and grumpy."  I don't expect to get a lot of sleep tonight either.  How can I put this delicately?  Sleeping pills, even something as mild as melatonin, do not play well with laxatives.  And there you have it.

Good grief, I have been totally distracted by Trey Gowdy's newest hair-do.  How can you take him seriously?   He wants to have a "conversation" with Hillary Clinton.  Good luck with that, Trey.

Seven people shot during spring break in Panama City Beach?  MY Panama City Beach?  Location of one of the best restaurants in Florida?  I haven't been to PCB in several years, and we never went during spring break.  Oh, I do miss it!  And that restaurant, "Firefly" ... ah well, that's another time, another place, another blog post.  Another spaceship ...

Clear and Convincing Chicken Soup

Sunday - Sleep late ... yes, indeed, it's Sunday!  Relaxing at home with my best boys while slow-cooking chicken and soup for my two-day colonoscopy diet. Listening to the news, as former military commanders and diplomats decry the pending agreement with Iran.  It's actually a treaty, but the President says it's not a treaty, so he does not have to get Congress' approval.  This is what we call being "disingenuous" which describes the entire Obama presidency.  Watching Cooking Channel and drooling over ... well, just about everything, except for those jalapeño bagels from West Virginia.  Doing more research on cruises to Alaska.

The clear chicken soup came out perfectly - rich, very chicken-y, with an undertone of dill and the slightest touch of lemon.  These are flavors I look for in a Jewish chicken soup, and if I didn't have to stick with a liquid diet tomorrow, I'd be whipping up a batch of knaidlach, also known as matzo balls.  Very appropriate for this pre-Pesach week.  One thing I did do was to chop up the cooked chicken breasts (except for a very small piece I ate with my rutabaga potato puree for dinner tonight), and I made chicken salad.  No celery, no onion, no apple, nothing but Hellman's mayonnaise.

Since 6:30 this evening, I have been working on finishing a 10 oz. bottle of magnesium citrate.  It does not taste as bad as I remember it tasting the last time I had it, which was the night before my gastric bypass surgery.  Still, it is causing an unpleasant heartburn and, try as I might, it is taking me two hours to get the whole thing down.  Woody and Anakin are keeping me company during the whole ordeal, with Woody letting out groans of sympathy for his "Memmy."

The soup recipe may sound a little strange, but it works, so just follow my lead.  Don't put the dill or lemon in ahead of time. The recipe was inspired by one I found on Food Network, but I made some major changes, as you will see.  I used my 3 1/2 quart crockpot and there was more than enough room.

Clear and Convincing Chicken Soup

2 - 32 oz. boxes unsalted chicken stock
2 medium carrots, cut in half lengthwise
2 medium parsnips, cut in half lengthwise
2 stalks of celery (no leaves), cut in half crosswise
4 green onions, cut in half crosswise
1 - 2 x 1/2 inch piece of rind from Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon yellow curry powder (don't leave it out, although it is virtually undetectable)
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
3 boneless and skinless chicken breasts
1/4 inch slice of lemon
5 or 6 stalks of fresh Italian parsley
2 nice full stalks of fresh dill

In the crockpot, put all of the chicken stock, the carrots, parsnips, celery, green onions, Parmesan rind, curry powder, kosher salt and white pepper.  Cover the crock and cook on High for 1 hour.  Add the chicken breasts and cook for 2 more hours.  Don't freak if a deep golden film has risen to the surface; I am guessing it had something to do with the Parmesan rind, which still had a bit of cheese attached to it.  Now add the parsley, dill, and lemon and cook for one more hour.  Shut off the heat and use a large metal spoon to remove the parsley, dill, and any of the golden cheese stuff that might be clinging to it.  Remove the lemon slice and the Parmesan rind, and discard with the parsley and dill.

With a slotted spoon, carefully remove the vegetables and the chicken.  Strain the soup through double paper towels set into a wire strainer.  Serve the soup on its own, or with the vegetables and chicken added back, or with the aforementioned knaidlach.  The vegetables are also good on their own; cooked this way, they are not soggy and retain their individual flavor.

So Qrazy About Quinoa - Warm Quinoa Salad with Shrimp and Asparagus

Saturday - So before we get to the good stuff - I have a new recipe I just tried, involving quinoa, rock shrimp, and fresh asparagus - I need to take a look at the bad.

I am not the only person dealing with chronic pain and illness.  This brings me no comfort; on the contrary, it upsets me and angers me.  Whoever coined the phrase "God don't make no junk" should be soundly kicked in the head by a fourth degree black belt.  If the Lord doesn't make "junk", then why did He invent the concept of planned obsolescence?  You get old, you start to fall apart - why?

Whatever the reasons, God has come up with a veritable multitude of diseases, disorders, and syndromes with which to plague the human race. Two that were brought to my attention this week are peripheral artery disease and basal arthritis.  Two people who I care for very much each have one of these diseases.  Both hurt like hell and will likely result in nasty surgery and protracted recovery.  This is, to my way of thinking, intolerable.  These are good people.  Pain should not be an option for good people.  God, are You listening?

Anyway, we had dinner with friends tonight, at Prato in Winter Park.  Oh boy, was that good!  Poppyseed pappardelle with a duck bolognese.  Say that five times fast.  One of our friends had baked ricotta gnudi, which I would love to try - someday.

Good thing I had a great meal, because tomorrow begins the two day preparation for my colonoscopy.  Soft foods (there go my evening chips). Steamed fish or chicken (feh).  And it goes downhill from there - around 6:30 in the evening I have to drink a whole bottle of magnesium citrate. But wait!  It gets even worse on Monday!  Imagine a 64 ounce bottle of Gatorade, which I would never drink under normal circumstances, mixed with an entire 238 gram bottle of Miralax.  Imagine having to drink 8 ounces of this witch's brew, plus another 8 ounces of water.  Now imagine repeating this bizarre ritual every 15 minutes, seven more times!  Plus two double doses of Dulcolax tablets, but that's chump change compared to the water torture.  And doctors wonder why some people (like me) go out of their way to avoid this procedure.

I can't do it, I simply cannot do it.  No really, I can't physically ingest that much liquid, especially during a speed-drinking event.  Even after all these years, my pouch (what remains of my stomach after the gastric bypass surgery) is really really REALLY small.  I am already having problems with the opening from pouch to intestine - so where is all this liquid going to go? Oh hell, I'll deal with that tomorrow, and I promise to spare you the details.

I found this recipe in the Whole Foods Market Cookbook, and while I wasn't sure about the finished product, Rob had it for lunch after it had a chance to chill in the fridge, and he liked it quite a bit, although he said the texture of the quinoa was a bit mushy.  I'm pretty sure that was my fault, as I splashed in a bit more wine at the end, thinking the mixture was dry. Clearly I was wrong. Speaking of wrong, the recipe called for "unreconstituted" sun-dried tomatoes.  I had oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes in the fridge and thought it would be sufficient to pat them dry, but I think they may have contributed a little too much liquid, and next time I will definitely try the dry-pack version.  I also changed the timing for adding the asparagus and the peas, as I think the asparagus needed a little more, and the peas a little less time.

Warm Quinoa Salad with Shrimp and Asparagus

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 medium red onion, finely diced
1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, unreconstituted, julienned
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup white wine
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
kosher salt to taste
1/2 cup quinoa

1/2 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined (I was lucky enough to find rock shrimp)
1/2 pound asparagus, cut into 1-inch pieces
1/4 cup frozen green peas (next time I'm going to go to 1/2 cup)

1/2 cup roasted cashew pieces
6 green onions, white and light green parts, minced
1/4 cup chopped parsley
kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

Heat the olive oil over medium heat.  Sauté the onion and garlic for 3 minutes.  Add the sun-dried tomatoes and simmer for 1 minute.  Add the water, wine, lemon juice, lemon zest, salt and pepper, and bring to a boil. Add the quinoa, reduce the heat to low, cover the pan and simmer for about 20 minutes, until the quinoa is almost tender to the bite.

Add the shrimp and asparagus to the saucepan on top of the quinoa, cover and simmer for 6 more minutes.   Take the pan off the heat, stir in the peas, and top the dish with the cashews, onions, and parsley.  Season to taste with salt and pepper.  Serve warm, or chilled.

I got to taste it both ways and I much preferred it chilled overnight. Delicious, even with (or maybe because of) the oil-packed tomatoes.  If you want to serve it chilled, wait until just before serving to sprinkle on the nuts, and also add more chopped parsley.

Say Has Anybody Seen My Organic Rutabagas? - Rutabaga Potato Puree

Say, does anybody remember Tony Orlando and Dawn?  Have a happy ear worm!

Say has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose
Here's her picture when she was my sweet Mary Jo
Now she's got rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
Say has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose

Oh, I got wind my Jo's been dancin' here in New Orleans
In this smoke-filled honky-tonk they call the Land of Dreams
Whoa, here she comes a-struttin' in her birthday clothes
Say has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose

Friday, Day 18 - While my back still aches a bit, it is a better day.  A good day for rutabagas.  Please note that I have yet to look at the news.  I'm in a good mood.  I have made up my mind on the relative merits of Reese's peanut butter cups versus Lindt's peanut butter-filled truffles (Reese's won).  I came downstairs to a clean sink and humming dishwasher, thanks to my awesome son.  Chelsea and I shared a secret cookie.  My cousin Maura has already completed an awesome amount of research for our cruise to Alaska.  Rob and I have dinner plans tomorrow evening with our friends Marc and Kerri, and we've got a Passover Seder invite from Jay and Laura.  I got to talk with my cousin Steve-from-Brooklyn and had a really good conversation.  Only 29 days until our post- tax season cruise to the Caribbean.  Soon we'll be walkin' on Sunshine!

I love rutabagas, unlike the rest of my household.  They have a wonderful cabbage-y, peppery, almost buttery taste (the rutabagas, not the other members of my household).  After much experimentation, I find that they taste best on their own and not slipped surreptitiously into a beef stew (yes I have).  Their own flavor is delicate enough that it gets lost in a stew or highly flavored sauce.  I loved these when my mother-in-law would make them, just cubed and boiled and buttered.  I like them mashed on their own or mashed with potatoes.  I have two delicious rutabaga recipes I've been preparing for many years, both of them of the mashed variety.  Since yesterday's recipe for the Sephardic Sofrito was extraordinarily long (but worth it) I am opting to share the easy one with you.

If you do your vegetable shopping in a regular supermarket, you probably think of rutabagas (if you give them any thought at all) as big, honking edible soccer balls dipped in wax, wearing a purple ski hat.  They are hell to peel, and after several decades of rutabaga resistance, I found a method that is the most effective and least painful.  It involves a cutting board and a very sharp chef's knife (I use a 7 inch santoku, not just for rutabaga but for everything, except bread and tomatoes). Cut across both ends so that the rutabaga will sit flat on the board, then start cutting downwards with the knife held close and almost flat against the surface. Remember to rinse off any wax that may be clinging desperately to the surface, before cutting the rutabaga for cooking.

Right about now, I am missing Doctor Who.  Does anyone know when the new series (BBC-speak for "season") will be starting?

Back to rutabagas - imagine peeling these with a regular old vegetable peeler, like you would use for a carrot or a Russet potato or an apple. Would you?  Could you?

Yep.  You can, and you should, and I did.  These are rather small, organic rutabagas, unwaxed, root end mostly intact.  I picked them up at Whole Foods, and damn glad I did.  As you can see, all you need to do to peel them is to whip out your favorite vegetable peeler, cut off the flat top and the tip of the root with a sharp knife, and peel like a potato.

Rutabaga Potato Puree

3/4 pound rutabaga, peeled and cubed
3/4 pound buttercream or similar new potato, cubed
1 tablespoon kosher salt
1/2 tablespoon sugar
2 tablespoons butter, cut into cubes, room temperature
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Put the rutabaga and potato in a medium saucepan, add just enough water to cover.  Put the lid on the pan and bring the contents to boil over high heat.  As soon as it boils, lower the heat to medium-high and cook covered for about 20 minutes until the rutabagas and potatoes are fork tender. Drain well and return to the warm pan; add the butter.

You can mash by hand or in a food processor (do not overprocess) but this time I opted to try a stick blender, which worked perfectly.  Stir in the Parmesan cheese, and season to taste with the salt and pepper.

Oh, so Frito! Nofrito Sofrito - Sorta Sephardic Meat Stew

Oh, so Frito!

Thursday, Day 17 - I spoke too soon.  This morning has been dreadful, an unpleasant throwback to pain and mental fuzziness.  Crap, I hate this.

The news is so bad I want to cry.  The Middle East is imploding.  A plane goes down in the French Alps killing 150 people and it appears the co-pilot crashed it deliberately.  The President gave away five very dangerous terrorists in exchange for a deserter.

Sofrito

I'm trying to peel garlic cloves and I am starting to shake.  My vision is foggy, and that is with the stronger eyeglasses. I am finally starting to prepare this beef stew, and anything I ever knew about mise en place has flown right out the window.  My kitchen looks like the Spice Agent ran through and tossed a bomb in his wake.  I set a dishtowel on fire.

Yehezkel Mizrahi, the Spice Agent

I took a perfectly straightforward recipe for a Sephardic meat stew and turned it into a complicated affair worthy of Mario Batali.  That's one of the reasons my kitchen looks like somebody's Ground Zero.  But as I am typing this, the sofrito is in the oven on the last leg of its cooking journey. I'm not even sure it's a sofrito anymore.  But it smells good, whatever it is.

I found the recipe on a blog called "The MuffinTin Post", and I got hooked by the spices.  As I read through the post,  I noticed the author referred back to the original recipe  and its author, Janna Gur.  The main difference between the recipes was that the MuffinTin did not fry the potatoes.  Fry the potatoes before adding them to a stew?  Ooh, yes!  Let me find that original recipe, please!

Ah, but this morning I couldn't see right, much less fry right.  Which is how I decided to oven roast - the potato wedges, the rainbow carrots, and some mushrooms.  Never mind that neither recipe included carrots or mushrooms.  Mine does, along with a chopped red onion.  So, no sofrito, technically speaking.  But I have now had the opportunity to taste the finished product and it tastes good.  Really good.  Awesome freaking delicious.

Nofrito Sofrito - Sorta Sephardic Meat Stew

4 tablespoons roasted garlic extra virgin olive oil, more as needed
2 1/4 pounds beef stew meat
1 medium red onion, rough chop
2 tablespoons sofrito spice blend - recipe below
1 cup water
10 whole cloves garlic
20 frozen white pearl onions
Oven Roasted Potatoes - recipe below
Honey Roasted Baby Rainbow Carrots - recipe below
Oven Roasted Button Mushrooms - recipe below

So, this is kind of a sofrito, which is a dish that Sephardic cooks prepare any time of the week, and sometimes for Shabbat, as it will hold for a number of hours like hamin, which is the Sephardic version of our Ashkenazic cholent.  It is kind of a stew, but not a stew like I usually make. There is no copious amount of fairly thin gravy, although there is an amazing sauce sufficient to keep the meat moist.  The root vegetables are layered on top of the sofrito, instead of being stirred into the gravy along with the beef chunks.  The textures are different.  The spices are wildly different and wonderfully exotic, and they pair well with the touch of sweetness from the honey roasted carrots.

Sofrito Spice Blend
1 tablespoon paprika
1 tablespoon turmeric
1/2 tablespoon curry
1/2 tablespoon white pepper
1/2 tablespoon allspice
1 tablespoon salt
1/2 tablespoon black pepper

Combine the spices and stir well to blend.

Oven Roasted Potatoes
8 buttercream potatoes, cut into 4 wedges
1/2 cup canola oil
1/2 tablespoon Sofrito Spice Blend
granulated garlic
dried thyme

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Put the potatoes into an aluminum baking dish, and pour the canola oil over them.  Stir so that they are well coated with oil.  Add the spices.  Turn the potatoes so they are all skin side down. Place in the oven and roast for about 60 minutes.

Honey Roasted Baby Rainbow Carrots - source
1 pound baby rainbow carrots
1 tablespoon orange blossom honey
2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
freshly ground mixed peppercorns
dried thyme

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Combine all the ingredients in an aluminum baking dish.  Spread the carrots out evenly in one layer.  Roast for 25 to 30 minutes, turning halfway through.  Drizzle on a bit more honey after turning.  Carrots should be soft and sweet.

Oven Roasted Button Mushrooms - source
8 oz. white button mushrooms
1 tablespoon roasted garlic extra virgin olive oil, or more as needed
kosher salt
freshly ground mixed peppercorns

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Cut off the stems flush with the cap of the mushrooms, discard the stems.  Put all of the ingredients into an aluminum baking dish and mix together.  Add more oil if needed.  The mushrooms should be lightly and completely covered with the oil.  Turn the mushrooms stem side down and roast for 30 minutes.  Turn over and roast another 5 to 10 minutes.

Now, the sofrito:

Heat the olive oil in a large, ovenproof skillet.  Brown the beef cubes on all sides in two batches; remove to a baking dish and set aside.  Add the chopped red onions and cook them until they start to soften.  Add more oil if needed.  Add 2 tablespoons of the spice blend and stir well, cooking another minute.  Pour in the water, and stir, and start bringing the liquid up to heat.   Add the garlic and the pearl onions.  Return the beef to the skillet along with all cooking juices.  Bring the liquid up to a boil, then lower heat and cover.  Simmer for an hour.

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees.  Stir the sofrito to baste the beef.  Add the mushrooms to the sofrito. Layer on the potatoes.  Baste them with the the cooking liquid.  Layer the carrots on top of the potatoes.   Cover the skillet and place in the oven.  Cook for 2 hours.  Once or twice during the cooking, baste the potatoes with the cooking liquid.  When done, the beef should be very tender and the potatoes should be soft, but still hold their shape.

You will have leftover spice blend.  I am saving mine for another sofrito, or for chicken, or just to make oven roasted potatoes.

Nofrito Sofrito