Da Bomb, Da Sausage, and Da Cruise Brain - Mussels with Cajun Sausage and Yellow Bell Pepper

Thursday, Day 27 - Earlier this week, responding to a therapeutic inquiry, I identified my upcoming cruise as the event that would (finally) afford me the opportunity to fully absorb and process my Medical Hell Month and its results.  From experience I know that two days into a cruise my body and mind will unkink rather dramatically, although I sincerely hope that I unkink before then as there are still 16 days to cruising.  (But who's counting?) This will be our fourteenth cruise, the thirteenth on Carnival, and the twelfth since December of 2008.  I can only plead Cruise Brain, then, as the reason I was unable to tell my therapist where I was going, other than "someplace" in the Caribbean, possibly St. Maarten.  I finally checked on my itinerary today, and it turns out we will be stopping at Cozumel, Mahogany Bay, Belize, and Costa Maya.  Well, at least I got the Caribbean part right, barely.

In the meantime, today is the day I set aside to make all those phone calls for even more medical procedures because God knows I did not have enough of those this past month.  Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. I also have to call my PCP's office and the HR lady in Tallahassee.  I'd rather have root canal.  Unfortunately I am having a brain fog day; mental acuity is apparently not on today's schedule, and I am getting irritated with myself.  All the coffee in the world is not going to break through this nimbostratus cloud wrapped around my head like a Praetorian Facehugger.

I need to cook something.  I need some inspiration, like the name of this blog, ha ha.  I need to break out of this fog, damn it.

The news was mostly depressing, but there were a few happy notes: Barry Manilow, my all-time favorite male singer, married his significant other - last year.  But the news just came out, and so did Barry. Good for him, and Jim Nabors, too.

The Magic won last night, and that's no Bull.

The framework of the deal with Iran is pretty shaky, with both sides claiming the agreement said something different.  This is good news.  We have no need to deal with the Devil.  Speaking of devils, a jury convicted Dzhokar Tsarnaev of all counts in the Boston terror bombings.

Anti-semitism is flourishing in Europe. And in the U.S.  It is a way of life in the Middle East.  These are difficult times to be a Jew.  It's also a tough time to be gay in Florida; the House just approved a religious exemption law for adoptions.  I thought we were finally past that crap.

Bobby Flay and his wife, actress Stephanie March, are getting a divorce. So is Giada de Laurentiis.  Bad things come in threes, and make no mistake, divorce is a very bad thing.  So who is next?

There's more, but you get the idea.

I got almost nothing done today, unless you count sitting in the corner of the couch with my head down.  I could not make my calls.  I could not walk out the front door.  I did not even prepare my list.  I did fill out a response card for a friend's wedding, and I did come up with a recipe I am going to share, but really, that's not enough.  Not even close.

Okay, the recipe.  I am really pleased with how this worked out.  Frozen mussels are da bomb, and so is Guy Fieri's sausage.  Hey, get your mind out of the gutter and into the kitchen!

Mussels with Cajun Sausage and Yellow Bell Pepper

1 - 12 oz. package Guy Fieri Cajun Style Sausage, thinly sliced
1/2 of a Vidalia onion, thinly sliced
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
10 cloves of garlic, sliced lengthwise
1/2 cup Goya Sofrito (Tomato Base)
1 Yellow Bell Pepper, top and bottom cut off, remaining pepper cut into matchsticks
1 1/2 cup dry white wine (I used a Pinot Grigio)
kosher salt, ground black pepper, smoked paprika, Italian seasoning, dried parsley flakes
small amount of sugar (optional)
2 - 1 pound bags frozen mussels
4 tablespoons cold butter

In a large, deep pan, place the sausage and the onion, and drizzle on several tablespoons of the olive oil.  Set on medium-high heat and cook for about 3 minutes, until the sausage starts to release some of its fat.  Add the garlic, and cook another 2 to 3 minutes.  Stir in the Goya sofrito and cook, stirring, for one more minute.  Add the yellow bell pepper, cook for one minute.  Add the wine, salt, pepper, smoked paprika, Italian seasoning, parsley, and sugar.  Bring to a boil, lower the heat, cover and simmer.

While the sauce simmers, puncture one of the bags of frozen mussels and cook in the microwave on high for 2 minutes.  Repeat with the second bag. Taste and re-season the sauce.  Stir in the butter and when it is melted carefully pour the entire contents of each bag of mussels into the pan. Cover the pan and simmer a few more minutes.

Serve with bread for dipping, or over angel hair pasta.  I removed the mussels to another container and stirred cooked pasta into the sauce, just to heat through.  The pasta with the sausage and peppers is moved into a serving pan, and the mussels are placed on top.  Sprinkle on some parsley for a light garnish.

Another Brick in the Wall

Wednesday, Day 26 - After functioning at a pretty high level these past few weeks, making those hated phone calls, shlepping from doctor to lab to therapist and back again, drinking gallons of orange Gatorade laced with buckets of Miralax, everything finally came together and then ...

... brick wall.  Right there at the border of my peripheral vision.  I can see just enough to make it down the stairs and push the button on the Keurig for my first cup of coffee.  I hit a brick wall, emotionally and visually.  Call it being overwhelmed, call it cognitive overload, just make it stop.

I don't need no arms around me
And I don't need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need anything at all.
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.
 
So the brain fog came rolling on in, and the best I can do is take baby steps.  It's not a reaction to Really Bad News; on the contrary, the news was firmly in the "good" column. Yes, there needs to be some follow up with a surgeon, but even if  she finds something malignant, we are talking very small and very manageable.  Nothing aggressive or invasive.  And the BRCA test came back negative - so I imagine that my father Mike is looking down from the Great Afterlife, giving a big sigh of relief.

Holding myself together while dealing with the really scary unknown has finally caught up to me.  My energy has been depleted, my focus has been skewed, my back and shoulders hurt.  Pah!  I am giving myself permission for one day to have this mini-meltdown.  Tomorrow I have to be back on the phone, in the car, in the store, whatever it takes.  I need to revise my list and stick to it.

Better than drugs ... music.  Oh, I still took my meds, but I plugged myself into the iPhone for music and damn if it didn't help me.  Kept down one-eighth of a chicken salad sandwich, did a load of dishes.  Trimmed my cuticles.  Good day despite the rocky start.  I even developed plans for throwing a raisin pumpernickel dough into the bread machine, but the cupboard was bare of rye flour.   Another time, yes.

I want a virtual TARDIS (there's an app for that).
I want Martha Stewart to stop talking about spring cleaning.  Spring cleaning is not a good thing.
Bathed all four doggies.
Dancin' to "Mack the Knife."  Feeling better.

(Not going to talk about the news, though.  If you want to get depressed, please feel free to do it on your own time.)

Incidentally, these cool pictures of pretty tree flowers were taken in a sun-parched parking lot on South Orange Blossom Trail in Orlando.  As one of my college English professors once wrote across the top of an essay I had written about Lao-Tse, "We find gold in unexpected places."  Arrogant prick.  The professor, not Lao-Tse.

Om Padme Mani Hum - Waiting Is

Tuesday, Day 25 - Om Padme Mani Hum. Om Padme Mani Hum. Fear is the mind-killer ...

Oh my God, the last 10 days have been rough!  I still have not been able to process the whole thing.  The colonoscopy - twice - preceded by three days of disgusting preparation.  All that anesthesia in my system.  Just as well, it was the only sleep I got for three days.  The mammogram - one girl got pinched - the ultrasound - slimy gel all over my poor girls - and then, the wait for results.

The results - a few minor bobbles.  Needing more calling, more scheduling, more waiting.  Watched the news, watched "Chopped", watched "Marvel:Agents of Shield"; I'm beginning to feel the way Raina looks.  Now add prickly to fretful and grumpy.

I tried to eat, I really did.  I gave into my fast food cravings and picked up a junior whopper.  No cheese.  Small onion rings.  Back in the day, my idea of a fine lunch.  That first bite, so good.  Second bite too.  Two onion rings.  And that's it, my passing acquaintance with protein and fat.  

Anyway you want it. That's the way you need it. - Beefy Vegetable Soup n' Stew

Monday, Day 24 - I woke up this morning, my bed piled high with furry children.  All five of them,  including The Last Cat Standing.  If my back did not hurt, I would have bounded out of bed with great joie de vivre, but my back does hurt, and I had to settle for sitting up and breathing.  Happiness is relative.

I don't sleep through the night, and when I do awake at 3:30 am or whatever inconvenient time my panic overcomes my need for sleep, I access the internet and indulge in esoteric research.  Before I dropped off to sleep last night it was all about the location of Ebbets Field and the Polo Grounds, and the old-timey teams that had played in those locations; when my eyelids betrayed me a few hours later, I was looking up breast ultrasound results (again).  Well now, that proved to be useful because I am convinced that what I saw on the screen at the ultrasound lab were pictures of fluid cysts, nothing more.  I just need to hear this officially from my lady doc and I can move on with my life.  Hopefully it will all come together at tomorrow's doctor appointment.

Having done no cooking for several days, I am finding myself fixated on clam fritters and on a beefy vegetable soup.  I have a rather ingenious idea for the fritters, but frankly, I need the soup and I need it now.  My ability to swallow has deteriorated, which may well be temporary, but until I can manage more than a 1-inch square piece of buttered roll for breakfast, I am going to have to seek out a nutritious liquid lunch.  Even my delicious split pea soup is not going down well, which is kind of crazy, but then so is my digestive system.

So today has been a bad day for dealing with doctors.  Not that the doctors were rude or anything, but circumstances have left me with issues to deal with.  The psychiatrist I've been trying to contact for three weeks did finally call me back, and I actually got an appointment set, and then I learn that the doctor no longer has an office in Kissimmee, or even Orlando.  Winter Park.  Sorry, have to look elsewhere, thanks for returning my call.  The other issue has to do with certain papers that needed to be filled out, and that's enough of that.  I've already made phone calls to try to fix it.

And I have finally been able to get something down my throat, something with rich flavor and nutrition.  The amazing thing is that, totally unexpectedly, I got a fabulous broth for me, a delicious beef stew for the boys, and three gorgeous bones for the boy Yorkies.  While I would love to eat the stew, I can't.  But the broth has been infused with the flavors of all the fresh vegetables, pungent herbs, and beefy short ribs, and I got exactly what I needed.  If you want to skip the last step of separating the stew solids from the broth, feel free to do so and enjoy your beefy vegetable soup intact. Anyway you want it.

This might look like a lot of ingredients, but it all comes together easily:

3 tablespoons roasted garlic extra virgin olive oil
2 pounds beef back ribs (about 3 ribs)
1 onion, chopped
1 leek, chopped,
4 cloves garlic
1 large carrot, chopped
1 large parsnip, chopped
1 large stalk celery, chopped
8 oz. baby bella (cremini) mushrooms, quartered
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon dried thyme
1/2 tablespoon dried oregano
1/2 tablespoon dried sweet basil
1 tablespoon granulated garlic
kosher salt
coarsely ground pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste
2 - 32 oz. containers beef stock
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1/2 tablespoon sugar

a few drops Tabasco sauce (optional)
2 bay leaves
1 zucchini, chopped
1 yellow squash, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper
1 jalapeño, halved or quartered, seeds and veins removed (optional)
2-3 ears fresh corn with kernels cut off
1/2  pound fresh green beans, cut into 1-inch pieces
6 red new potatoes, quartered

Heat the olive oil in a large deep pot.  Season the beef ribs with salt and pepper.  Sear the ribs on all sides, remove and set aside.  To the pot add the onion, leek, garlic, carrot, parsnip, celery, and butter.  Cook on high for a few minutes to promote caramelization.  Add the butter, then the mushrooms, thyme, oregano, granulated garlic, salt and pepper. Stir and cook for a few more minutes, then add the tomato paste.  Let the tomato paste-coated vegetables cook for a few minutes and then pour in the beef stock and stir in the Worcestershire, Tabasco, bay leaves, and sugar.  Bring this to a boil, lower the heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes.  Add all of the remaining vegetables except for the zucchini, yellow squash, and potatoes and cook, covered, another 30 minutes.

Remove the cover, and with a large metal spoon, remove as much of the fat risen to the surface as possible and discard.  Taste and carefully re-season the soup.  Add the zucchini, squash, and potatoes, cover the pot, bring to a simmer and cook for another 45 minutes until the vegetables are all tender.

Remove the beef ribs and let cool so they can be handled.  Skim any more fat that has risen to the surface.  Taste and re-season again, including a glug of Worcestershire.  This is important, because each time you skim off the fat, you remove some of the seasoning.  If you wish, remove the meat from the bones and stir into the soup.  Serve the soup as is, or use a large slotted spoon to remove the meat and vegetables from the beefy broth.

Initiation Into The Mysteries Of Matzo Brei

Sunday - On this particular topic I draw a line in the sand.  It is spelled MATZO BREI and it is served SWEET.  It is an Ashkenazic Passover dish, and it is served sweet.  Even the Litvaks eat their matzo brei sweet, and as for us Russian Jews, we eat everything sweet.

Unfortunately, I can't remember the last time I actually prepared matzo brei, and I was not thrilled with the result.  I am my own worst critic, but I always try to learn from my mistakes.  As soon as I tasted this, I made a face and declared "my mother's is better."  For the first time since she passed away in 2000, I wish she was around long enough so I could ask her how she made her matzo brei so good.  Beyond staging a seance to reach her, I dug deep into childhood memories and decided that it needed to be a lot eggier.  Here is an example of a deceptively simple recipe where execution is everything.  To achieve the almost French toast quality of my grandmother-who-raised-me's matzo brei, I may have to ignore printed recipes and follow my instinct, which was telling me to break the matzo pieces even smaller, use more eggs, whisk them with a little milk, and let the matzo soak a good amount of time.  Maybe next weekend.

My yen has shifted to fresh vegetable soup.  Really fresh vegetables, nothing from the freezer except possibly green peas.  I want a lot of broth and I want it to be very flavorful.  That, like the avocado devilled eggs, is simply going to have to wait.

I hope everyone enjoyed a wonderful Easter Sunday.

We are spending it quietly in post-matzo brei stupor, watching television.  I can safely say that there is such a thing as too much Food Network.  So we have switched to "High Anxiety", which about describes my state of mind if I stop to think.  However, one cannot stop to think while watching Mel Brooks, because one is laughing too much, even if one has seen the movie too many times to count over the past 40 years, knows all the sight gags, and can recite the lines along with the actors.

If one cannot think, one cannot worry.  Good show, Mel.  Good show.