A Transparently Invisible Illness - American Rice and Beans

In the world of cyberspace, many memes have arisen to remind us that not all disabilities are overtly apparent, and therefore, one should not leave snarky notes on cars parked in handicapped spots just because the driver did not appear to be suffering from a debilitating illness.  No doubt there is a certain amount of cheating that goes on, but given the invisible nature of many handicapping illnesses, it is better to err on the side of caution, and dare I say, compassion.

I was thinking of this while staring at my arms, which are bloodied, scarred, and roughened as a result of the terrible itching that often accompanies fibromyalgia.  Not so invisible, although I often wear long sleeves to cover them when they are particularly bad.  Yes, long sleeves, in Florida.  Of course the itching is not confined to my arms. You just can't see it.

I think I've passed the point where my disease is invisible.  Perhaps at one time, when the flares were infrequent and I might have days or weeks in between to recover, I could still fix my hair and put on my makeup and look pretty darn normal.  I did not even take a lot of sick days then, but oh geez, that changed dramatically as 2013 wound down, and so did I. I look sick, and I sound sick, and my limitations are pretty obvious even to strangers. Which causes me to wonder why state and Federal disability are giving me such a hard time, but then my own doctors are not helping in the least. Seriously, dudes, if you can't certify me back to work after all these months, what part of "permanent" don't you understand?  Do you think I am going to have a miraculous recovery? Throw away Horatio Cane and go dancing up the courthouse steps? Pick up a wheeled cart carrying 20 - six inch thick files and throw it casually onto the belt for the security scanner?  Do you think my brain is going to be able to clear its decks and make all words and facts readily available for my use? Idiots.

Now that I got that off my chest, let's switch gears. Today started off better than yesterday, but I still have just so many spoons, and I used most of them up on getting dressed, food shopping and putting things away.  There might be a demitasse spoon in the back of the drawer that will let me prepare a batch of cookies - especially now that I am seriously stocked up with cooking-baking ingredients - but I can't be sure.  My back hurts from my neck to my waist, and I am feeling a touch cranky. There's a home game tonight, Orlando Magic playing the Utah Jazz, and I may want to hang on to that demitasse so I can cheer on my boys, especially Victor Oladipo who won't be playing tonight because of a concussion.

Ah, hell, I blew that last spoon on cooking this rather whimsical version of rice and beans. Lo siento to all my Spanish friends.

American Arroz y Gandules (American Rice and Beans)

2 tablespoons butter
1/2 pound regular bacon, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1 pound hot country sausage (I used Tennessee Pride, but Jimmy Dean's and Publix are all good)
1 large sweet bell pepper, any color or combination of colors (I used about 1/3 each of green, red and yellow peppers)
1 cup of Uncle Ben's converted rice, prepared according to package directions, substituting 1 tablespoon of fat from the cooked meats in place of the butter called for in the directions.
1 - 28 oz. can KC Masterpiece Pulled Pork Baked Beans, undrained

Put the butter and bacon in a large deep pan, starting on high heat.  As the bacon renders, lower the heat to medium high. Add the onion, and season with salt, pepper, Raging River Five Pepper Blend, granulated garlic and sugar. Cook about 5 minutes, then add the sausage.  Break the sausage up with a wooden spoon, cook about 5 minutes, then add the bell peppers.  Cook 5 to 7 minutes, then take off the heat.  Drain off all of the remaining fat in a colander, then return the meat mixture to the pan.

Stir the cooked rice into the pan, and then stir in the beans. Taste and adjust seasoning. Cover the pan and heat on medium low to warm all the way through. If you don't like spicy, you can certainly use mild sausage and eliminate the pepper blend.

HOLY SHIT - all hell just broke out in Paris.  Terror attack which one FOX commentator referred to as "France's 9/11".  Three locations confirmed, reports of three more.

God help the people of Paris and France. God help us all.

The 47 Nights of Christmas (Cookies) - Cardamom Currant and HRC's Original Chocolate Chip

Even though they are covered with the warm, adorable blanket Terry made for me last birthday, my feet are so cold I fear frostbite.

Frostbite in Florida - inside the house - what the hell.

My life and my health have devolved precipitously this past month. The downtime (uptime?) between fibro flares has decreased to the point where I can no longer remember the last time I had a day without pain. Sometimes I have a couple of hours without much pain, so I rush to water my plants or bake cookies before the moment passes. It's astounding, time is fleeting.

I should be happy.  My cousin Maura and I booked our cruises to Alaska yesterday.  My bucket list number two item finally taking place, and even better, with my cousins.  Right now, I hurt too much to enjoy what should be a very special event.  We sail May 21, 2016 on the Crown Princess.  (Yes, I do travel on something other than Carnival sometimes. Like Thanksgiving of 2002, we were on the Norwegian Majesty. Right after that the ship was decommissioned.) I also stay at hotels other than Marriott. But not often. I am a creature of habit and I love loyalty programs. Besides, Carnival owns Princess, and this ship was built in the same yard as many of the newer Carnival ships. It is going to be an awesome experience.

My wonderful husband returned from an errand in Orlando bearing gifts: Einstein Brothers' bagels, a half pound each of pastrami and tongue, and a box of black and white cookies from Toojays.  The day was definitely looking up, but I still hurt.  It is very difficult to convey the degree of pain.  I've never known how to fully describe it. But it has the ability to suck ever bit of goodness and joy out of my life. There is no normal anymore.

During one of those moments without much pain, I watered my porch plants.  Since I could not carry the large water can (too heavy when filled with water) I made multiple trips to the sink with the smaller water can.  Much smaller, many trips.  My peppers are still fighting with the frakking aphids, and my herbs are looking down in the dumps, but I still have 4 or more jalapenos on the plants, and all five of my avocado pits have rooted and are sending healthy shoots out into the world.  I also moved the strawberries and the marigold box, and I'm sorry I did.  Too heavy for me, and the plastic was cutting into my fingers. Crap.

More resting, more snickering over political gaffes, a little Facebook, a cup of lentil soup, and just enough energy to whip up a batch of cookies.  Just one, not 4 or 12 at a time like I used to do back in the day. I also baked one recipe yesterday, but because I missed a day's blogging, you all missed a day's recipe.

Never fear - you know I love BOGOs better than coupons ...

Cardamom Currant Tea Cookies                                                                  

These are from a glorious cookbook, The Ultimate Shortcut Cookie Book, by Camilla Saulsbury, in which she gets inventive with cake mix, refrigerator cookie dough, brownie mix, and even cereal (don't tell me you never tasted a Rice Krispies Treat.) You should buy the book from Amazon. Seriously.

I love currants. Think of them as tiny raisins, perfect for rugelach and cookies from delicate dough. This cookie not only has currants, it also has cardamom, a marvelous spice, sort of a cross between ginger and nutmeg.  Only three ingredients, which make up for having to make a special trip to Whole Foods for the zante currants.

1 - 16.5 oz. roll refrigerated sugar cookie dough
1 cup dried currants
1 teaspoon ground cardamom

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray or silpat a cookie sheet.

Break up the cookie dough in a large bowl, and let stand 10 to 15 minutes to soften.  Add the cardamom, stir with a wooden spoon, then add the currants.  Mix well, using a wooden spoon.

With a kitchen teaspoon or very small scoop, drop the dough onto prepared cookie sheets. Bake for 10 to 13 minutes until just set and golden at the edges. Let the cookies cool on the sheets for just a few moments, then transfer the cookies to wire racks to cool completely.

Now, you can enjoy the cookies as they are, which is wonderful and delicate and tender, or you can take one extra step and make little sandwich cookies, which is what I decided to do, using Speculoos Cookie Butter as the filling.  Makes 48 cookies, or 24 sandwich cookies.

Here's your BOGO. kids, and it is delicious. Even Robert said that if there were an election, he would vote for these cookies.

Hillary Rodham Clinton's Original Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup shortening (Crisco)
1 cup brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 cups old fashioned rolled oats
1 - 12 oz bag semisweet chocolate chips

Believe it or not, there is a cookbook called "Presidential Cookies" and I has it. I bought it at the Clinton Museum Store in Little Rock, Arkansas, and it has cookie recipes representative of each presidential administration.  In the later administrations, the recipes were able to be vetted as coming from the various First Ladies, including Lady Bird Johnson's Chocolate Nut Drop Cookies, Rosalynn Carter's Raisin-Oatmeal Cookies, Nancy Reagan's Brownies, and three recipes from Barbara Bush, including her losing entry in the chocolate chip cookie contest started by Family Circle magazine.  The winner, of course, was The Notorious HRC, and as we all know, Bill Clinton won that election.  As the cookie goes, so goes the election, which brings me to a silly vision of Carly Fiorina running against HRC in the general election next November - who bakes the cookies? The contest has always been between those hoping to become First Ladies by virtue of their husband's success at election time - should we anticipate a cookie contest between hopeful First Dudes?

While you puzzle that one out, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Grease the cookie sheet, or if you have two silpats, like I do, put one on a cookie sheet and one on the kitchen counter.  I prefer to bake the cookies one sheet at a time in the smaller, upper oven, and second silpat lets me set up the cookies for the second batch while the first batch is baking. Once the baked cookies are removed and the cookie sheet cools a bit, which only takes a few minutes, I slide the cookie sheet under the second silpat and right into the oven.

Combine the flour, salt, and baking soda in a medium bowl. I do this by adding them to a wire strainer and sifting them together into the bowl.  In a large bowl, using a hand mixer, beat together the shortening, both sugars, and the vanilla until creamy. Add the eggs, beating until light and fluffy.  Gradually beat in the flour mixture, and then gradually beat in the oats.  Stir in the chocolate chips.

Using a well-rounded kitchen teaspoon or a cookie scoop (I use the one next in size from the really small scoop I used for the lemon drops and cardamom currant cookies) place the dough on the cookie sheet, about 2 inches apart.  These cookies do spread, and bake best with 12 cookies on a sheet.  Bake for 9 to 11 minutes until golden.

Very important: once you remove the cookie sheet from the oven, let it sit for five minutes before using a metal spatula to remove the cookies to a wire rack to finish cooling. The yield is approximately 4 dozen cookies.  HRC's recipe yield says 7 dozen, so I can only assume she made a very small cookie. I like this size for chocolate chip cookies, but your mileage may vary.

Baby Steps - Luscious Lemon Drops

When I was a kid growing up in Brooklyn during the waning days of the Eisenhower administration, all you needed to have fun was a couple of like-minded friends and the sidewalk outside your house. Well, a set of jacks and a Spaulding ball were nice to have as well, but nobody had ever seen so much as a microwave, much less electronic games. Oh yeah, and a jump rope and some chalk. All primitive accoutrements, but so very useful.

One of my favorites was a simple little game called "Mother, May I?" in which the leader stood at the far end of the designated area - in this case, between two stoops on E. 36th Street - and the players asked permission to move forward using giant steps, umbrella steps, and other variations, to get as close to the leader as possible.  It was up to the leader to decide if you could take those 3 giant steps you had politely requested (Mother, may I?) or do something else that would slow down your progress (No, you may not. Take one baby step). Eventually, even those baby steps would get you somewhere, and that is why today I am taking baby steps and considering myself lucky to do so.

Yesterday's agony is today's pain. My nerve endings have turned down the volume somewhat, and I have been able to get out of bed, take my medication, and gather the trash to be dumped outside. Baby steps, yes, but a big improvement from yesterday, when I hurt too much to care that the Magic lost to the Indiana Pacers. Considering that I had a terrible restless night full of pain, intense itching and noise uber-sensitivity (I restrained myself from throwing a couple of dogs out the window and smothering my husband with a pillow to stop his snoring) I still managed to do the stuff I like to do in the morning. It didn't hurt that Cory took over the dishwasher, which let me sit a bit to recover from cleaning the litter box.

Tonight is the fourth Republican debate, and I really want to watch this one. The moderators are from FOX Business, and have promised to avoid the circus atmosphere created by CNBC during the third debate.  Neil Cavuto may want to bring some duct tape for Donald Trump's mouth. 

Now onto the really serious matters of the day: HOLIDAY COOKIES. I like to bake cookies for the winter holidays - Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas - in astonishing numbers and variations.  I started doing this my first Christmas working at Alexander & Alexander. The staff always made a big deal about the holidays, and someone was always bringing in home-baked goods to share.  I expanded the number and also packed up gift boxes of cookies for friends and family.  I was hardly memorable as an assistant broker - you may recall I was fired for being a "non income-producing member of the department" - but let me tell you, those folks missed my cookies.

Since law school, my cookie-baking binges have gotten irregular - downright spotty, you might say. It has been a good number of years since I binge-baked, probably a solid decade of cookie-less holidays, but now that I am retired, I wanted to try it again.  I can always take a nap in between batches.

To prepare myself for the task at hand, I sat down with a dozen or so cookie cookbooks, my personal notebook of cookie recipes, and a well-worn copy of the Congregation Shalom Aleichem cookbook.  In choosing the recipes, I set parameters and tried to stay within them: drop cookies, no bars, or rolled, or otherwise overly-complicated recipes; and no frosted cookies. I wanted to bake a lot of old favorites; nostalgia and the holidays go together.  I also had a bunch that I'd been wanting to try for a while, which fell within my search parameters. In the end, I came up with a list of 46 recipes, including 3 that are technically candies. The average cookie recipe produces 2 1/2 dozen cookies ... that works out to ... uh, well over 100 dozen cookies.  1380 cookies, if I calculated correctly.

Think about that. And me with only two freezers.

Anyway, here's the first of the batch. I've been wanting to try this recipe for a long time, and I picked up this cookbook in 1991. The recipe is not unique to this particular book, as I've seen these "Cool Whip cookies" popping up all over. Yep, I said Cool Whip.

Luscious Lemon Drops

1 - 18 1/4 oz. paclage lemon cake mix
half of an 8 oz. container Cool Whip, thawed
1 egg, beaten
juice and grated peel of one large lemon
1/2 cup confectioner's sugar, sifted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large mixing bowl combine all of the ingredients except the confectioner's sugar; stir well to mix. If the dough is too dry, add a little bit more of the whipped topping.

Grease, spray, or two line baking pans with a silpat.  Drop the dough by teaspoons (I used my smallest scoop) into the confectioner's sugar, turning to coat well.  Place the balls, 1 1/2 inch apart, on the prepared baking sheets. Bake in the preheated oven for 12 minutes, or until the cookies are done. They should be firm to the touch, and if you break one open, it should not be overly moist, and you should be able to see the interior crumb. Remove from the baking sheet immediately and let cool on wire racks.  This makes 48 cookies - 24 to each baking sheet.

Once they are cool, I put them on a clean baking sheet, single layer, and put them into the freezer, uncovered.  I leave them overnight, and the next day, transfer them to a freezer bag.  If you plan on enjoying these right away, don't bother with this step. These are delicate, although they scream lemon, and a very nice edition to a cookie platter.

Something in the way she moves

Sometime during the night I must have done something to my neck - slept wrong, as if I ever sleep any other way - and am now in a type of pain I had only previously had nightmares about. It has affected my equilibrium to the point that if I try to stand or walk, I feel as though I am going to black out. The day is half over and I have not been able to leave my bed, much less head downstairs for a cup of coffee. All the doggies are with me; Romeo, my personal guardian, has as always planted himself close to me, and I am certain that if he had opposing thumbs he would be doing his darndest to fetch me that coffee.

My plans for today have turned into shit. Just making it downstairs, which I finally managed after more Advil and application of a cold compress, is going to be my solitary accomplishment. Oy, I had such plans! In anticipation of a bumper crop of zucchini, I puzzled out a recipe in which the zucchini will be stuffed with a crab cake filling, topped with pan fried oysters and a good drizzle of homemade remoulade. But I couldn't even get out of the house to buy the crab and oysters.

Which brings up another issue of greater importance, to me anyway.  My vision is deteriorating again, and I am concerned.  Just 6 months ago, I went for an eye exam because of problems with my eyesight, and at that time learned that what had been 20/550 vision for over 30 years was now a mind-shattering 20/750.  For a brief time the new glasses were a blessing, but after a few months I started to have problems yet again.  I would not trust myself to drive at night.  My daytime vision is getting frustratingly fuzzy.  I'll be making another appointment to have my eyes checked; I only hope that new glasses will solve the problem.  If not, I'll be looking for an opthamologist who takes my insurance.  

And so it goes. (You don't have to thank me for the earworm.)    
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Doctor Disco

Things I forgot to talk about in the last blog post: Peter Capaldi and last night's "Doctor Who" and my friend Lynne, that lucky lady, eating her way through New York City.

Last night, second part of a two-part episode, even better than the first part. Oh, the Osgoods! Even Clara was good, really good, especially when she wasn't being Clara. And of course, a bonus for us Whovians, the episodes were built on an earlier episode which featured three other Doctors. Four, if you count the Curator.

But Capaldi, that fabulous actor who was born to play the Doctor, is making me rethink my previous   declaration of Favorite Doctor. Christopher Eccleston, you've got competition.

My friend Lynne and I go way back to the mid-seventies, when we worked for a certain large insurance broker. Our office was in the city, on Sixth Avenue (at that time stubbornly referred to as Avenue of the Americas) but we both lived in Howard Beach. That's a long ride on the A train, my friends.  Later on, Lynne moved to a very cool section of Brooklyn. She took me to my first (and only) discotheque, where I sat paralyzed in fear someone would ask me to dance. See, while I love disco, I can't dance. I'm all about the music, but I've got two left feet.  (Someone did ask me to dance. He was wearing a bow tie. Back then, bow ties were not cool. Heck, Matt Smith hadn't even been born.)                         

Over the years, Lynne and I lost touch as we moved away from the metropolitan New York area, and when we finally found each other again, she was upstate New York while I was in Central Florida. This weekend, however, she was in Brooklyn for a friend's event and she told me she was going to eat her way through New York City. She had already started with Spanish food for dinner and a REAL NEW YORK BAGEL for breakfast, and her future plans included Chinese dim sum and stuffed derma (a Jewish specialty that used to be served on every plate at every bar mitzvah and oh, how I loved it!)

What we've got here, folks, is one Brooklyn expatriate with a SEVERE case of food envy.  Lynne, if you are reading this, I expect a full report. As a gastric bypass postie, I've gotten sort of used to enjoying food vicariously. But that's not going to stop me from letting out one long, sad sigh of self-pity.  Just one. Indulge me.

My big cooking is done for a while. I have enough food for 35 people, even if they were to all drop in at the same time. That doesn't include the cooked stuff in deep freeze. So of course, I took the next logical step and started thinking about Christmas cookies.

Rob and I made it to St. Augustine in great time, and made a quick stop for a bite to eat at McDonald's, this one on the corner of State Route A1A, just down the road from Anastasia Baptist Church..  If you are ever in the area, don't stop here. The only time I saw a McDonald's this disgustingly dirty, we were in Mississippi on our way to Little Rock, facing a bunch of snaggle-toothed cretins behind the counter who glared at us because we are a mixed-race family. This was one of only two places where I felt compelled to slip my Star of David inside my shirt collar, the other place being the airport in Munich, Germany.

The problem in St. Augustine wasn't the crew, although they should have had more registers open. And someone on the patio, cleaning cleaning cleaning.  I ordered a 4 piece chicken nugget, ate one and threw the other's out.  It tasted fine but it occurred to me that if the front was that dirty, who knows wat condition the kitchen was in? My stomach turned, and that was that.

The program was fabulous, with many accolades for Rob's cousin Michael, and for Michael's wife Carol, the original inspiration. I do have a question though - it came up briefly, and I've heard before, that when a civilian tells a military person "thank you for your service", it is perceived as hollow, and merely an attempt to be politically correct. Is there a better way for a civilian to show appreciation?

If you are able to view my Facebook page, I have already shared two posts from Michael, with links to a video of the terrific performance by the St. Augustine High School Chorus, and pictures from the event.