Just Say No To The Tamales

I am going to be making Tamara's Red Pork Chile Tamales - yes, I finally got brave enough to try something different from the Family Chicken Tamales.  I am still stubbornly wedded to the masa harina masa recipe, although I have considered at least a dozen different masas from three different cookbooks.  One of those, Fresh and Dried Corn Tamales Masa Dough from my other tamale cookbook, is poking me in the ribs. We shall see.

Breaking down the work means preparing each component separately:

The pork (reserving the stock for use in the sauce and the masa)

The sauce

The corn husks

The masa

Constructing the tamales

Steaming the tamales

Today I am a complete mess, and better suited to preparing a much simpler recipe.  I've got full-blown brain fog, and couldn't have chosen a worse day to tackle tamales.  This morning, I had so many screw-ups, I'm surprised I didn't just chuck the whole mess.  But as I sit here now, the pork is simmering and the soaked chiles are sitting next to the boiled onions, and my kitchen counters are in something approaching good order.  I think I'm back on track, never mind that it took 5 hours to get there.

... and later ...

FORGET THE FRAKKING TAMALES!  The sauce recipe was a disaster.  I fixed it up, but I can't give you a cohesive recipe because I was frantically pulling ingredients out of everywhere to make it palatable.  I don't know whether to use it (Rob assures me it's pretty good), freeze it, or pour it down the drain.  What good is a recipe if I can't recreate it?  

My most profuse apologies.  This recipe has stressed the crap out of me for the last three days, and I am over it.  Another time, another recipe.  I must tell you, I was ready to order the author's second tamale book through Amazon, but I definitely will not be doing so.

I can't wait for this day to be over.

... and still later ...

I've calmed down.  My mood was disordered, but I'm okay now.  Almost.

After sitting for a while, the sauce was good, really good.  I poured most of it over the cooked pork cubes and put it back in the refrigerator to sit overnight, and put the remaining sauce in the freezer.  I made notes as to what changes and additions were made, and also a couple of different twists I'm going to try next time.

I ordered the book through Amazon.

Now I just have to figure out how to use the filling, seeing as standing on my feet for several hours to make the individual tamales is likely to make me cranky.

And I've got it: Cazuela de Tamal. Or maybe Tontos.  Because, as one cook noted, making tamales is a pain in the culo.

One Step Closer To Tamales - Happy Father's Day

If you are disinclined to read a rant, just scroll down to the first photo. and skip the icky stuff.  I totally understand, I really do.

Never again will I go to a Centra Care Clinic,  and especially not the Hunters Creek location, across from The Loop.  If I can't wait to go to my own doctor, then I go to the emergency room.  This time, despite the pain, I could have held out till Monday rather than have this rather unpleasant experience.

I made a "No Wait" online appointment for 10:40 AM.  I pre-registered online.  The person on the front desk took care of me in a timely manner.  She advised me there was only one person ahead of me.  I did not get called until 11:20, which put the whole "no wait" claim to lie.

The nurse who brought me to the back was pleasant, but lackadaisical.  She asked several questions which made it clear she had not bothered to even glance at the papers I had filled out.  When I mentioned the UTI, she looked mildly annoyed, and asked me to wait.  So I waited and waited and waited some more.  Finally she returned and asked if I could produce a urine sample, and gave me instructions, and then she went to sit.

Now it gets really bad: the restroom had no paper towels, NO HAND SOAP, and no garbage pail.  I do not care that there was a garbage pail and wall-mounted hand sanitizer just outside the restroom.  Not the same thing.  I was disgusted, annoyed, and more than a little freaked out.

I went back to the examination room and tried to catch the nurse's eye.  She was totally engrossed in her iPhone, and it took a while.  So I went back to the exam room and waited and waited and waited. Finally the doctor came in. The doctor was very pleasant.  I never did catch his name, which becomes problematic down the road.  I told him what the two problems were.  He took care of one and got ready to leave the room.  Totally forgot or ignored the other.

There was more that grossed me out and left me speechless, but I'll skip the details.  One last thing, though - so I brought the two prescriptions to my CVS and my pharmacist, a very dear and helpful man.  And he realizes the prescription does not have the name of the doctor, his address, the phone number, or his DEA number.  The prescription pads from Centra Care, which belongs to the Florida Hospital system, are not legally sufficent.  And when my pharmacist called them, after having to search for their number, the person on the phone did not seem to understand the problem, and was reluctant to give the pharmacist the information.

I did not expect this - I had used this office when I had the Worker's Comp claim last year, and there were no problems, and certainly nothing to gross me out.  But DAMN, something changed, and not for the better.

Okay, enough stomach-turning talk.  Let's move over to the good stuff - TAMALES.

The first time I made tamales, I made a relatively small batch using one of Bobby Flay's recipes and it was awesome, although not authentic.  And it was a lot of work.  (I've had this tamale at both Mesa Grill restaurants, and authenticity be damned.  It is simply one of the best things I've ever tasted).

The next time I decided to try a traditional recipe, and set out to prepare Family Chicken Tamales, a recipe from my Tamales 101 book.  It was an experience which I related in this blog's August 28, 2011 post.  It was a RIDICULOUS amount of work.  It was after that experience that  I learned that in Latino families preparing tamales at home was a group effort, and all the female relatives would get together and produce copious amounts of tamales on an assembly line that would make Henry Ford proud.  And even with all the help, they were only made for a major holiday like Christmas.

I've never been totally comfortable with group cooking, although I've had some good times cooking with my son. as well as with my niece, Mara.  The problem is that Cory is usually at work, or out playing airsoft, and Mara - well, Mara lives in New Jersey.  So if I want tamales - and I do - I'm going to have to reduce the amounts being prepared, and break up the project across several days.

Since I spent a good part of the day being grossed out at Centra Care, all I managed to get done was seeding the dried chilies.  At this rate, these tamales are going to take me two weeks.

Time well spent.

By the time you read this, it will be Father's Day.  Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there, and most especially to my husband Robert, my father-in-law Murray, and my Pop, Hy Morris.  This Wednesday, June 24, will be 32 years since I lost my Pop to cancer.  Father's Day has never been the same since.

Mourning Charleston - Chicken-Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

Some events are too awful to imagine.  Too difficult to wrap your mind around.  Too shocking to absorb. What the hell just happened in South Carolina?  

Today is a bad day as dictated by the neurons in my brain.  I feel out-of-sorts.  Aches and pain, of course, but it's a mood thing as well.  My brain is foggy, so that simple tasks cannot be completed in any sort of linear fashion.  Even as I'm typing this, I want to stop and do something else, like storing the plastic containers I bought yesterday.  I am trying to do some cooking, but having an awful time starting and staying on task.  The cooking and writing should flow seamlessly - on its better days, this is a cooking blog - but I am having the damnedest time trying to prepare the stuffed portobellos.  I've made some changes, but can't seem to record them in any sort of ordered fashion.

A Variation on Diane Mott Davidson's Portobello Mushroom Stuffed With Grilled Chicken

4 Monterey brand portobello mushrooms stuffed with spinach and artichoke
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup dry sherry
1 tablespoon fresh herbs, chopped (I used tarragon and thyme)

With a fork, gently move the filling so that the gills are exposed around the edge of each mushroom cap. In a measuring cup, combine the olive oil, sherry, and herbs, and whisk together.  Let this sit for about a half hour.  Carefully spoon 2 tablespoons of the marinade on the exposed gills of each mushroom cap.  Leave this at room temperature while you prepare and marinate the chicken.  When you are ready to grill the chicken, spread out the spinach artichoke filling across the entire mushroom cap, and then pop them under the broiler for about 4 minutes.

Goldy Schulz, the main character in The Last Suppers, gets her herbaceous flavors from basil-based pesto, but I decided to try tarragon and thyme for the mushrooms, and yes, fresh from my garden.  The marinade for the chicken, on the other hand, is all about garlic, green onion, and home-grown oregano, but that's a bit later.  Tarragon and thyme both go very well with mushrooms, as does using sherry for a marinade base.  The inspiration for using the tarragon comes from my friend Vicki Feldman, who is probably going to shake her head when she reads this:

It was very late in 1975.  I was between marriages, back home with my parents, and totally at loose ends.  I had met Vicki through her husband Steve, an old friend of mine from New Paltz.  They invited me to their home in Westchester for a New Year's Eve party, and to meet an unattached young man who would be there as well.  I don't remember his name, or the city he hailed from in Massachusetts, but I do remember that Vicki had prepared delicious stuffed mushrooms for the party and what made them exceptional was her addition of tarragon.  That's when I learned that tarragon goes really well with mushrooms.  Thanks, Vicki!

2 large chicken breast halves, cut in half horizontally, and then cut in half across
kosher salt
ground black pepper
1/4 cup garlic flavored extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 green onions, white and light green parts sliced thinly
1/2 tablespoon fresh oregano leaves, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped sun-dried tomatoes
4 slices Swiss cheese

Place the chicken in a baking dish.  Season evenly with the salt and pepper. Combine the olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, green onion and oregano, and whisk together.  Pour this marinade over the chicken and let sit at room temperature for an hour.  Grill the chicken for 1 to 2 minutes (I used my Cuisinart Griddler) and return to the baking dish with the marinade. Divide the sun-dried tomatoes evenly and sprinkle across each mushroom cap.  Place 2 pieces of the chicken on each mushroom cap, and then evenly divide the remaining marinade components and liquid.  Place in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, and place a slice of cheese over each. Return to the oven for an additional 10 minutes, until the cheese is melted and everything is heated through.  Serve immediately.

That's just gorgeous.  Gorgeous and impressive.  And I have it on good authority that they were delicious.

Speaking of impressive, I'm going to be making tamales, specifically Red Pork Chili Tamales, another recipe from Tamales 101 by Alice Guadalupe Tapp.  Once I made that decision, I kinda went nuts with other dishes to go with the tamales.  The tamales are a lengthy project that will stretch out over days - good thing, because the avocados and the yellow plantains are nowhere near ripe enough.

Yes that's lard.  It has a place in the masa.  The pigeon peas are for arroz con gandules (rice with peas).  The refried beans are for my refried beans with everything recipe .

The yellow plantains will be turned into maduros, and the avocados into a rich dip that can also be used as a sauce, both in the fullness of time. I am recklessly mixing the menu with Mexican, Puerto Rican, South American and Tex-Mex recipes and having a grand time.

To wrap today up - it has been unbelievably difficult to watch the news reports of the victim's families' statements to the murderer, during his bond hearing.  My heart is broken for them and for the city of Charleston.

God give them strength.

Mystery Mushrooms - Portobello Mushrooms Stuffed with Grilled Chicken

For pure TV viewing entertainment, you cannot beat science fiction.  Series like Babylon 5, Farscape, Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1, Firefly, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Quantum Leap, Andromeda, and Star Trek in all of its incarnations have been faithfully followed since I was young, starting the Star Trek in 1966. (Although Doctor Who premiered in 1962, I did not become a Whovian until 2005.  My loss, yes, I know.)

When it comes to reading, my preference is for mystery novels - old-fashioned murder mysteries, police procedurals, cozies, detective, legal/medical - there are many more.  Even before I got hooked on Star Trek I had started working my way through novels written by Ellery Queen and Rex Stout. Not a Nancy Drew person;  my interest in girl's mystery novels was from the Judy Bolton series, a few volumes which were in our house.  I wish I had those books now; they had been printed during the War (the Big One, World War II) according to wartime restriction on the use of paper.  I have no doubt that they belonged to my mother Joyce.  Both Joycie and I were raised by someone who loved to read murder mysteries. Those four Ellery Queen and two Rex Stout novels belonged to my grandmother; she left them out on a shelf, and I read them, and re-read them and re-read them.  Even now, there is a paperback volume of Ellery Queen's Calamity Town on my night table, as well as one on my Kindle app, and at least twenty of Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe mysteries on Kindle.

Having said all that, when it comes to re-reading favorite novels, top awards also go to Robert Heinlein. He is the exception to my rule about reading mysteries for entertainment and relaxation.

I would have to say that my favorite modern mystery writer is Patricia Cornwell for her Scarpetta series, but I love so many others, and it's hard to put them in any kind of order.  Let me throw out one series - the culinary mysteries of Diane Mott Davidson (ah ha, finally getting to the reason for the last three paragraphs). Her main character is a caterer, and the author includes a substantial number of recipes in each novel. I've cooked several of those recipes and they are good, really good.  One of my favorites is her Portobello Mushrooms Stuffed With Grilled Chicken, Pesto, and Sun Dried Tomatoes from her book The Last Suppers.  

So after all my talk about toxic mushrooms, I thought it would be nice to clear my emotional palate and make a really delicious dish with portobellos.  There are many ways to stuff a portobello, but as I've said, I really like Diane Mott Davidson's version.

Portobello Mushrooms Stuffed With Grilled Chicken, Pesto, and Sun Dried Tomatoes

4 large portobello mushrooms

Marinade for Mushrooms:
5 tablespoons olive oil
5 tablespoons dry sherry

Marinade for chicken:
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 clove garlic, pressed

4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves each cut in half
¼ cup pesto
2 tablespoons finely chopped sun-dried tomatoes, drained and patted with paper towels if packed in olive oil

Carefully clean the mushrooms with damp paper towel and trim. Remove and chop the stems. Place the mushroom caps, tops down, and the chopped stems in a 9 by 13-inch glass-baking dish. Pour 1 tablespoon olive oil and 1 tablespoon sherry over the underside of each mushroom cap, pour the remaining olive oil and sherry over the stems. Cover and set aside to marinate at room temperature for 1 hour.

Mix together the marinade for the chicken and pour over the chicken slices. Cover and set aside to marinate at room temperature for 1 hour.

Preheat a grill. Grill the chicken quickly, about 1 to 2 minutes per side (they will be cooked further). Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Carefully spread 1 tablespoon pesto over the underside of each mushroom cap. Sprinkle 1 ½ teaspoons sun-dried tomatoes on top of each pesto-covered mushroom. Evenly distribute the marinated mushroom stems on top of the tomatoes.

Place 2 slices of chicken on top. Place the stuffed mushrooms in a greased 9 by 13-inch pan. Bake for approximately 20 to 25 minutes or until heated through. Serve immediately.  Makes 4 servings.

Pretty easy and you can prepare most of it in advance.  And it's really, really good.  How could it not be, with that combination of tastes?

I knew with happy certainty that when I went out on my food shopping expedition today - too many stops and too many items, as it turned out - I was going to pick up the chicken and the portobellos.  Except it was one of those days when Walmart in Kissimmee was missing all the stuff I needed for the tamales, and while they had the portobello mushrooms, the available mushrooms were subject to an interesting twist.

Hum. Spinach and artichoke stuffed mushrooms.

Well, that was a new one for me.  But with the thought "what could be bad?" I purchased these.  I'll adapt them to work with the recipe and I bet they'll be awesome.

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow they'll be awesome.  Today is almost done, and I wore myself out stopping at two different Walmarts, a Wawa, a Race Trac, my therapist's office, and my favorite Spanish market. I'm exhausted; the good news is I do not have to go out tomorrow, and so for the first time in a week, I'm going to do some cooking.

Some very serious, time-consuming cooking.  I am going to make the filling and/or the sauce for the tamales.  This is likely to turn into a three-day project, like the lasagna rolls. And of course, the portobello mushrooms.

Good things from the garden: part of yesterday's pictures.  Let me show off my first tomato.  I'm very excited about it.  Not quite enough to make sauce, or even a small salad, but we're getting there.

Haven't Got Time For The Pain

Surely someone will find this amusing.

This morning I came across an online article that immediately set my hair on fire, followed by this thought: Boycott all Coke products; encourage others to do the same.  So I am asking everyone to stop buying Coke, until the parent company puts the hammer down on the CEO of Coke Palestine and rescinds its Palestinian franchise.

My request is probably going to be as effective as asking people not to shop at Hobby Lobby.

Believe it or not, another day with the electrician working downstairs.  Since it is supposed to be a short visit, I am locked in with the kids, hoping they don't notice that they are locked in with me.  I want my kitchen back, and I want my coffee.  I want my furry kids to have their normal free run of the downstairs.

I have to face the unpleasant reality of making an appointment for the upper GI series, and another appointment to give more blood.  That's two different labs, because life isn't complicated enough.  I should also go to my primary doctor's office to deal with what is certainly a UTI, and to investigate what is either psoriasis or shingles, and is causing me pain.  I haven't got time for the pain. (My Carly Simon ear worm just woke up).

Speaking of pain - the NBA Finals are over.  The Golden State Warriors, led by the awesome Stephen Curry, closed out the series, 4-2 over the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Sorry Lebron, we were rooting for you, and you played magnificently, but your team was down two important players.  This was an amazing series, including the semi-finals and the elimination rounds before that.  Now, we (that's the Orlando Magic "we") have a new coach and well-seasoned talent.  The NBA Draft takes place in another week or so, and we get the fifth pick (I think). Put it all together and we can make it to the 2016 finals.

Whoo hoo, the electrician is done.  Finished, packed up and out of here.  The kids have been freed from purdah, and all is well in the world.  Well, no it's really not.  Out there in the real world, a city in Wisconsin banned the use of kangaroos as service animals, red tuna crabs have washed up on the San Diego beaches, Donald Trump is running for President, the two escaped murderers are still missing and the trail has gone cold (literally, as I am certain they slipped into Canada), then there's all that ISIS stuff in the Middle East, and the Chinese are hacking our Federal government's computer networks.

Aphids, damn it

Over here, near Disney World, which is neither real nor a world, the heat and humidity are unbearable, the aphids are devouring my hibiscus, and damn it, I hurt really bad.  Bad enough that I have confined myself to the corner of my couch so I could stare off into space and feel sorry for myself.  I tried to eat, I really did.  Except for the spoonful of chopped liver, all was for naught. During breaks in my little pity-party, I got some more work done in the garden.  That was fun, and worth the price in pain and perspiration.

One thing I have not planted, but which insists on growing in my garden, are mushrooms.  This is under the same hibiscus as the last two mushrooms which were, despite the superficial resemblance to portobellos, completely poisonous.  This one in the photo has the adorable nickname "death cap", and if I have identified it correctly, the most poisonous mushroom in existence.  I love mushrooms, but not enough to risk my liver or my life.  Cultivated mushrooms will do just fine, thank you.

Seriously not something you want to sauté in butter and serve alongside a grilled steak.  Using my hand rake I pulled it and set it aside to die.  Better it than me or my family.  I'm not adventurous that way; I wouldn't try fugu (pufferfish) even if it was prepared by Masaharu Morimoto.

I have some nice pictures of what is turning into my bounteous harvest.  Perhaps "bounteous" is too aspirational, a slight exaggeration even, but this garden is one thing that has kept me going during some really low times.  I'm treating this first season as a learning experience, but in the meantime, there are real herbs and vegetables growing right outside my windows and that makes me smile.

I'm finally at the point of needing to cook, and I have a couple of options.  One that keeps poking me is for tamales, specifically family chicken tamales, a recipe from the book Tamales 101 by Alice Guadalupe Tapp.  There are gorgeous lamb chops in my freezer.  I've also been somewhat focussed on sausage and peppers, especially since I've got a couple of pounds of the good stuff parked right next to the lamb chops.  One thing I won't be making is gumbo:

The okra plant is growing, but has not yet produced any flowers.  No okra pods, no gumbo.

That, my friends, is a carrot.

And that is a green onion.  Or a weed.  I'm pretty sure it's an onion.

She makes me smile all the time.

Mostly broccoli sprouts with one or two carrots.  Personally, I would not combine these two vegetables in a recipe, but apparently Mother Nature has her own ideas on the subject.