Put The Lime In The Coconut Cake

I apologize, but could not pass on this Morpheus Matrix Meme.  Or the excessive alliteration which seems to spring unbidden from my fingertips.  Sorry - but not much.

Put the Lime in the Coconut Cake

1 package Duncan Hines Signature Coconut Cake mix
1 - 3.4 oz. package Jell-o coconut cream instant pudding and pie filling
4 extra large eggs
1 cup water
1/3 cup canola oil
1/3 cup Baker's sweetened coconut
1 - 22 oz. can Duncan Hines/Comstock key lime crème
1 - 1 pound tub Pillsbury creamy vanilla frosting
1 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
1 cup Baker's sweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease and flour (or use a no-stick baking spray) a 9 by 13 inch baking dish. Combine the cake mix, pudding mix, eggs, water, and oil in a large bowl.  With an electric hand mixer, beat at low speed until moistened, and then at medium speed for 2 minutes.  Add the 1/3 cup of coconut and beat on low just to incorporate it into the batter.  Pour the batter into the prepared pan, and bake for 27 to 32 minutes.

Let the cake cool for a few minutes.  With a cooling rack, turn the cake out of the pan, and then carefully return it to the pan so that the flat side is now on top.

With an apple corer, create 15 holes in the cake.  Fill each hole with some of the key lime creme, then use the remaining creme to cover the top of the cake.  Refrigerate for several hours.

In a heavy nonstick skillet, over medium low heat, toast the cup of coconut.  Remove from the heat before it is done, and keep stirring with a wooden spoon.  The skillet will retain heat and the coconut will continue to darken for a minute or more.  Let the toasted coconut cool.

When you are ready to finish the cake, uncover the frosting and microwave for 30 seconds.  Stir in the coconut extract, and keep stirring until the frosting is fully and evenly melted.  Pour the frosting over the entire cake and top with the toasted coconut.  Refrigerate for several hours before serving. 

Cut the cake into 15 pieces, each piece having a pocket of filling situated in the center.

You Can Get Here From There - Minerva's Tri-Color Calico Meatloaf - #LoveWins

Once upon a time, there was a cat named Minerva, and she was a tiger calico.

Minerva, A Calico Cat

But first, something really important happened today.  The Supreme Court of the United States handed down a ruling so perfect, so equalizing, and so right, that we can all forget yesterday's ruling, involving the Affordable Care Act. (I'm not a fan of Obamacare. So sue me).

I hate hash tags, but just this once: #LoveWins.  Oh yes, the "Nine Old Men" - who are actually "Six Mature Men and Three Women of Various Ages - announced that hereafter, states cannot ban same-sex marriage.  Well, actually only five of the Justices were in favor - the other four dissented.  Strongly. That's what makes horse races.

Bam!  About damn time. I cried when I saw the report. Happy for my gay relatives and friends (some who had to travel out of state to get married). Happy that people I love will no longer face any impediments to the most basic right, the right to create a family with the person they love, to raise children together, to have all the legal rights and protections afforded married opposite-sex couples. 

Today's ear worm is brought to you courtesy of "Star Trek: Enterprise", my least favorite TV show in the franchise, and the only show whose theme song is sung.  I love it; most Trek fans hated it.  More horse races.  

It's been a long road, getting from there to here.

It's been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I can feel the change in the wind right now. Nothing's in my way.
And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna hold me down.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I've got faith, faith of the heart.

It's been a long night. Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness. Now I finally have my day.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they're not gonna hold me down no more, no they're not gonna change my mind.

Cause I've got faith of the heart.
I'm going where my heart will take me.
I've got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I've got strength of the soul. And no one's gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I've got faith, faith of the heart.

I've known the wind so cold, I've seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change.
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain.
But I'll be fine ...

So it's the day after I sent in my application for disability retirement, and I'm anything but fine.  There is still a lot I have to do and I know this is going to be a long haul.  I have a debilitating disease which happens to be invisible.  Looking forward to the battle. Not.

And we still have to eat.  Is there anything as basic and homey as meatloaf?  Am I the only home cook who has made meatloaf over 400 times and never the same way twice?

Minerva with Ira the First and Dora the First

Minerva Athene Rothfeld was the only calico cat in our family; we had multiple tabbies, fluffy oranges and various bicolors, and one spectacular all-white male with blue eyes (yes, he was deaf) but only one tri-color tiger calico.  A sweeter animal never lived.  I could relate a lot of Minerva stories, but I would start to cry and frankly I've done enough crying lately both happy and sad.

Her name comes from Robert Heinlein's book Time Enough for Love.  Our first Yorkie was named for her in proper Ashkenazic Jewish tradition.  

At the very end of her beautiful life, Minerva taught me that loving someone includes putting aside your own pain to help that person die surrounded by love, and comfort, and peace.  

She died in my arms in 1996 at the age of 18.

Brands Do Matter

Minerva's Tri-Color Calico Meatloaf

4 tablespoons butter
1 onion, chopped
1/2 each: green, red, and yellow bell pepper (marketed as "Stoplight" or "Tri-Color" peppers)
2 cloves garlic, chopped
kosher salt
ground black pepper
granulated garlic
smoked paprika
cayenne pepper

2 pounds market ground beef
1 cup uncooked quick oats
1 cup half and half
2 extra-large eggs
1/4 cup Heinz chili sauce
2 tablespoons Gold's horseradish
1/4 teaspoon allspice
kosher salt
ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic

Glaze Ingredients:
Additional chili sauce
Wildflower honey

First, sauté the onion, garlic and peppers in the butter.  Add the seasonings while cooking.  When the vegetables are just tender, take off the heat and set aside.  In a large bowl, combine the beef with the remaining ingredients, excluding the glaze ingredients.  Add the cooked and cooled pepper mixture and mix thoroughly with your hands or wooden spoon.

Divide the meatloaf mixture in half, and in a greased or no-stick sprayed baking dish, form two loaves.  Pour a stripe of chili sauce on top of each, then drizzle some honey over that.  With the back of a spoon, spread the chili sauce-honey mixture to cover the top of each loaf.

Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 45 to 60 minutes.  The interior temperature should read 160 degrees.  Let the meatloaf cool before trying to slice it.

Minerva loved ground beef; she once snuck a stuffed cabbage roll off the table, unwrapped the cabbage and ate the beef and rice filling. She also stomped on a jelly roll I was baking, but that's another blog post.

You Can't Get Here From There - Cassie's "Famous" Avocado Dip

Time is a bitch.  In my mind, heart, and soul, I am that 39 year old overweight redhead, with a brand-new Bar license, starting my first job as an attorney with the Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services.  I had a little boy in kindergarten, and a brand-new house in Hunter's Creek.  Life was good.

And then I blinked.  My little boy is all grown up, and I've gotten older, the house in Hunter's Creek is gone.  Somehow, I'm a post-menopausal, underweight, gray-haired, 62 year old hag (I own a mirror, thank you) who can no longer do the job I've loved.  And so I sit, terrified, with a stack of papers in my hands, knowing I have to fill them out to apply for disability retirement, but still ... terrified.

Here's the recipe for the avocado dip to serve with the tamale pie.  Cassie was a deputy in the Brevard County juvenile courthouse where I practiced for several years.  Back then we did potlucks in the courtroom and everybody brought something, including the judge. I tweaked Cassie's recipe slightly to boost the avocado flavor and keep it thicker,  but her version is still famous as far as I'm concerned.

2 perfectly ripe Hass avocados

Think of it as a relish, like guacamole but creamy.  This goes great with my empanadas, and chili, and enchiladas, and burritos and you get the idea.  And unlike guacamole, the avocado does not turn unappetizing brown.

Cassie's "Famous" Avocado Dip

2 perfectly ripe Hass avocados (how to determine when an avocado is perfectly ripe)
1/2 pint sour cream
1/4 cup Hidden Valley cucumber ranch dressing
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
kosher salt
ground black pepper
granulated garlic
The Salt Table's Raging River Five Pepper Blend

Peel and mash the avocado.  Add the sour cream, ranch dressing, lemon juice and all of the seasonings, to taste.  Stir until well combined.  Serve with Frito scoop chips or any Tex-Mex dish.

I am so excited to watch the 2015 NBA Draft.  These kids are all terrific. Best of all, this is taking place at Barclay Center in Brooklyn, the city of my birth and home of the Brooklyn Nets.  This year, the Magic has the number five pick, behind the Lakers (what?) and the Knicks (WHAT?)

Now it's our turn - Mario Hezogna?  From Croatia, played in Spain.  The commentators all have good things to say about him.  They say he'll be a good fit for the Magic.  Let's hope he will do as well as my two personal favorite Magic draft picks, Shaquille O'Neal (1992) and Victor Oladipo (2013).

Fun facts - Victor Oladipo was born on my husband's 46th birthday, in the year that Shaq was drafted.

Another "fun" fact:  I pushed through the panic, completed the application and faxed it to the Division of Retirement in Tallahassee.  It's official - I have applied for disability retirement.

I feel like something very dear to me has been taken away, and I am very, very sad.  But in filling out the application, and having to recount the symptoms and manifestations of my illnesses, I realized how the entire quality of my life has been irrevocably damaged.  I am a virtual recluse, rarely leaving the house.  I find travel, even cruising, to be very difficult.  I tire easily, my balance is compromised, I am uncomfortable in crowds and have had to miss a number of friends and family gatherings.  

I was having terrible difficulties at work; I know that, and I also know that a bunch of people were quietly helping me, sometimes covering for me, without even being asked.  Preparing for trial, doing my own legal research, interacting with my case managers, completing staffing forms and petitions, drafting final judgments, managing a difficult judge - all things which I had done successfully in the past - have become a series of exercises in mental and physical torture.  I know that; I hope, as this process continues, that the State of Florida and the Social Security Administration come to know this as well.

Red Pork Chile Tamale Pie (Cazuela de Tamal) - Because Making Tamales Is A Pain In The Culo

New tamale cookbook arrived this morning. Stubborn, I am.

Finally done with this fiddling project which damn near sent me over the edge this week.  Not that it takes much at any time, but cooking is supposed to be therapeutic and this time it was anything but. The good thing is that the tamale pies came out really good.  The bad thing is that I have a headache, a backache, and a low-grade panic attack.

This recipe comes with a disclaimer: this version is untested.  It came together in stages, during which I was having a nervous breakdown while flipping back and forth between 3 different recipes. I tried to make it a logical set of instructions.  I hope it makes sense.

The tamale pie is absolutely delicious, unexpectedly so because I struggled so much for so long.  Having done it once, I expect it will be easier the next time.  The masa, which by its nature is at risk of coming out heavy, dense, and bland, was the best I've made.

I made two pies from this recipe, using 10 inch aluminum pie plates.  One is already wrapped and frozen, the other is cut into eighths for family consumption.

Red Pork Chile Tamale Pie

Pork for Filling
4 1/2 to 5 pounds boneless pork butt
1 large onion, quartered
4 cloves garlic

Place the pork, onions, and garlic in a large pot and cover with water.  Over high heat bring to a boil. Decrease the heat to medium, cover and let simmer for 2 to 2 1/2 hours until the meat is tender. Carefully remove the meat from the liquid and set aside to cool. Cut the pork butt into one inch cubes.

Red Pork Chile Sauce - From Tamales 101
10 ancho chiles
4 guajillo chiles
4 onions, quartered
8 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons ground cumin
2 cups chicken stock
1 - 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 cup tomato sauce
3 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons kosher salt
2 Knorr chicken cubes
1 tablespoon each granulated garlic, onion powder, chili powder, ground black pepper

20 - 30 extra large black olives, halved
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 large clove garlic, sliced
1/2 of each bell pepper: red, green, yellow - chopped

Seed the chiles, set aside.  Bring 4 cups of water to a boil. Remove the water from the heat, and add the chiles, pushing them down with a spoon so they are fully submerged.  Cover and let stand for 30 minutes.  Meanwhile, in a saucepan over medium heat, boil the onions for 25 minutes, until soft.

Remove the soaked chiles from the water, reserving 2 cups of the liquid.  In a food processor. blend the chiles, boiled onions, and garlic. In a saucepan over medium heat, heat the oil. Stir the cumin into the oil, being careful not to burn it.  Add the chile mixture and simmer for 3 minutes.  Add 1 cup of the chicken stock, 1 cup of the chile cooking liquid, the crushed tomatoes, the tomato sauce, sugar, kosher salt, Knorr chicken cubes, and the remaining spices, 1 tablespoon each.  Cook for 10 minutes. If the sauce is too thick you can add a little more of the stock and/or the chile cooking liquid. but don't thin it too much. Adjust the seasoning and cook a little longer for all the flavors to come together.

Place the pork cubes in a 9 x 13 aluminum baking dish; pour the chile sauce over the pork, cover the pan and place in a 300 degree oven for 2 hours.  At the same time, heat the olive oil in a large pan; add the onion, garlic, and bell peppers and sauté until the vegetables are tender.  Remove the pan from the oven; stir the cooked vegetables and the olives into the pork and sauce. You now have the complete filling for the tamale pie.

Masa for Tamale Pie - From Serious Eats
3 cups masa harina para tamales (Maseca)
3 cups chicken stock
3/4 cup cold lard or Crisco
2 teaspoons kosher salt
2 teaspoons baking powder

This recipe produces an awesome masa.  In a large bowl, combine the masa harina and the chicken stock. Stir until completely incorporated.  Combine the lard, salt, and baking powder, and using an electric mixture, beat at medium-high speed until lightly whipped, about 1 minute.

Add 1/4 of the re-hydrated masa at a time to the lard, beating between additions until thoroughly incorporated. The masa should be soft and spreadable, with a hummus-like texture. Cover and refrigerate the masa for an hour.  

Assembly and Baking: Preheat oven to 375°F. Remove masa from refrigerator, and re-whip, adding stock 1 tablespoon at a time, if necessary, to return it to original hummus-like texture. Lightly grease a 12-inch cast iron skillet or 3-quart casserole dish with cooking spray or oil, wiping up any excess.  

(Okay here's where I veered: I picked up a package of 2 aluminum pie plates, the big, 10-inch size. I greased them with a very small amount of the lard and then followed the instructions, dividing the masa across 2 pie plates.)

Scrape 1/2 of  2/3 of masa into each pie pan and press to form an even thin layer on bottom and edge. Spoon some filling (I used a slotted spoon) in each tin, Try to keep it level, and don't over fill.  Wrap and freeze the remaining filling for another occasion.  

Gently form a top crust with the remaining masa. Now as you can see from the photos, I was short enough mesa to totally cover the top.  Weirdly enough, it didn't matter, but if stuff like that bothers you, try increasing the recipe using 4 cups each masa harina and stock, 1 cup cold lard, 1 tablespoon each salt and baking powder.

Bake for 45 minutes to an hour, until the crust is golden and firm to the touch, and the filling is heated through.  Let it cool before cutting to serve.  

You can serve it with any of the usual condiments but for this occasion I prepared a creamy avocado dip which also works as a topping or condiment.

But that's another blog post.

Happy Horseradish Loaded Potato Salad

My back is killing me.  So is my tailbone. And yet I am in a pretty good mood.  Go figure.

Both of my guys really like homemade potato salad.  Like meatloaf recipes, I have a number of variations, but I'm always looking for new ones.

When I told Cory what I had in mind, he suggested adding horseradish to the dressing.  Genius, my kid is a genius.

The inspiration for this recipe was a loaded baked potato.  It is frankly delicious.

Happy Horseradish Loaded Potato Salad

1-28 oz. bag honey gold baby potatoes, cooked, cut into eighths
4 slices regular bacon, chopped, cooked, drained
2 green onions, sliced very thin
1 cup sour cream
1 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons Gold's prepared horseradish (you may want to add more)
kosher salt, ground white pepper
1 1/2 cups shredded sharp cheddar

Let the potatoes cool.  In a large bowl, combine the cooled potatoes, the bacon, and the green onions. In a 2-cup glass measuring cup,  whisk the sour cream and mayonnaise together. Add the horseradish, salt and pepper, and whisk them into the dressing.  Pour the dressing over the potatoes, folding them together.  Add the cheddar.  Chill for one hour before serving.

Nota bene: I feel the same way about Gold's horseradish as I do about Hellman's mayonnaise and Heinz ketchup.  When we first moved to Central Florida, we could not get Gold's in our local supermarket, which put a big damper on Passover.  Eventually it showed up after Publix distributors realized that the Jews were here to stay.  The local stores still have a pretty sparse selection of Jewish foods, which still puts a damper on Passover.  But, as Humphrey Bogart said to Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, "We'll always have Amazon."

Here's looking at you, kid.

Beary Had A Little Lamb - Spice-Rubbed Lamb Chops

I think I've come out of my Father's Day fog.  That day  is always emotionally overwhelming for me - not only am I grieving for my own father, but I am empathizing with all my Facebook friends and relatives who are also grieving for their lost fathers.  It was a particularly bad day to take on tamales.  But that mess is done and over with; it is Monday, the beginning of a new week with new goals.

Another time (but these were so good!)

Don't get me wrong, I've got other messes.  Once again, I am stuck, emotionally frozen, unable to move forward on several important tasks.  The new medications from the psychiatrist are not having the desired effect.  I am as depressed as always, and my mood is cycling like Lance Armstrong.

So I went to the therapist today, and then headed to "my" Publix, the one I shopped at for over 20 years.  I think I managed to leave my therapist feeling depressed, for which I apologize.   I really feel bad about it, because I felt somewhat better after today's appointment, but would not want to do that at the cost of another person's comfort, especially someone who has helped me so much for so long.

I am starting the lamb chops today; they will have to sit in the refrigerator overnight, but it will be time well spent.  I have also decided to prepare cazuela de tamal, tamale pie, using the red chile sauce that drove me insane yesterday.  Somehow it turned out delicious, especially with the pork roast added to it, and allowed to simmer in the oven at 300 degrees for a few hours.  I think I will be able to provide a cohesive recipe all of the elements for the tamale pie. Tomorrow.  Today is about the lamb chops.

This is a reboot of a recipe I prepared and printed back in May, 2011.  I grew up eating lamb chops, close to once a week.  My grandmother would buy shoulder chops, either long bone or round bone, and broil them. I love lamb, but apparently many people are either unfamiliar with it, or don't like it because it is too gamy for their tastes.  I think this dry rub takes care of the issue of gaminess, but I don't find lamb to be gamy, so what do I know?  

Try not to freak out at the list of ingredients for the dry rub.  How often do you get the chance to use that many types of spices and herbs at the same time?  Makes Colonel Sanders look like a piker. (Am I the only person who finds the new KFC ads, featuring a resurrected Colonel Sanders, to be incredibly annoying?  And speaking of annoying icons, whose idea was it to bring back that creepy Burger King?)

Spice-Rubbed Lamb Chops

6 shoulder lamb chops (round bone or long bone)

Lamb Chop Dry Rub:

1/4 cup paprika

1/4 cup garlic powder

2 tablespoons kosher salt

2 tablespoons black pepper

1 tablespoon onion powder

1 tablespoon celery seed

1/4 cup dark brown sugar

2 teaspoons dried oregano

2 teaspoons dried thyme

1 1/2 teaspoons cumin

1 teaspoon dry mustard

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1 teaspoon ground allspice

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 teaspoon cardamom

1 teaspoon dried Valencia orange peel

1 teaspoon dried California lemon peel

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Whisk the rub ingredients together until well combined.  Transfer to a large jar.  I think you can use this on any cut of lamb, as well as chicken or pork.

The night before you plan on serving the lamb chops, sprinkle them generously on both sides with the rub, and pat to rub them in slightly.  Store in the refrigerator. 

Set the oven on broil.  Place the chops on a rack over a baking dish, and broil lightly on both sides.  Leave the chops on the rack, and lower the oven temperature to 325 degrees.  Bake for another 30 minutes, or until the chops are done to your liking. 

Pork on the left, lamb on the right, delicious on both sides

I have a confession to make.

I grew up using ketchup with my steaks and lamb chops (my husband is shuddering as he is reading this).  Only Heinz ketchup; I do have my standards, you know.  

And then I discovered mint jelly.  Neon-green, high fructose corn syrup, artificial color, oil of spearmint, and nary a mint leaf.  I know, right?  It's freaking delicious!  I love lamb even more now that it's an excuse for eating mint jelly.  

If you need an excuse for eating mint jelly and don't have the patience nor the contents of my spice cabinet, just season the lamb chops with granulated garlic and broil them.  Lamb and garlic have a natural affinity that should be celebrated with frequency.  Throw in the mint jelly and you can have a party in your mouth.

Just Say No To The Tamales

I am going to be making Tamara's Red Pork Chile Tamales - yes, I finally got brave enough to try something different from the Family Chicken Tamales.  I am still stubbornly wedded to the masa harina masa recipe, although I have considered at least a dozen different masas from three different cookbooks.  One of those, Fresh and Dried Corn Tamales Masa Dough from my other tamale cookbook, is poking me in the ribs. We shall see.

Breaking down the work means preparing each component separately:

The pork (reserving the stock for use in the sauce and the masa)

The sauce

The corn husks

The masa

Constructing the tamales

Steaming the tamales

Today I am a complete mess, and better suited to preparing a much simpler recipe.  I've got full-blown brain fog, and couldn't have chosen a worse day to tackle tamales.  This morning, I had so many screw-ups, I'm surprised I didn't just chuck the whole mess.  But as I sit here now, the pork is simmering and the soaked chiles are sitting next to the boiled onions, and my kitchen counters are in something approaching good order.  I think I'm back on track, never mind that it took 5 hours to get there.

... and later ...

FORGET THE FRAKKING TAMALES!  The sauce recipe was a disaster.  I fixed it up, but I can't give you a cohesive recipe because I was frantically pulling ingredients out of everywhere to make it palatable.  I don't know whether to use it (Rob assures me it's pretty good), freeze it, or pour it down the drain.  What good is a recipe if I can't recreate it?  

My most profuse apologies.  This recipe has stressed the crap out of me for the last three days, and I am over it.  Another time, another recipe.  I must tell you, I was ready to order the author's second tamale book through Amazon, but I definitely will not be doing so.

I can't wait for this day to be over.

... and still later ...

I've calmed down.  My mood was disordered, but I'm okay now.  Almost.

After sitting for a while, the sauce was good, really good.  I poured most of it over the cooked pork cubes and put it back in the refrigerator to sit overnight, and put the remaining sauce in the freezer.  I made notes as to what changes and additions were made, and also a couple of different twists I'm going to try next time.

I ordered the book through Amazon.

Now I just have to figure out how to use the filling, seeing as standing on my feet for several hours to make the individual tamales is likely to make me cranky.

And I've got it: Cazuela de Tamal. Or maybe Tontos.  Because, as one cook noted, making tamales is a pain in the culo.

One Step Closer To Tamales - Happy Father's Day

If you are disinclined to read a rant, just scroll down to the first photo. and skip the icky stuff.  I totally understand, I really do.

Never again will I go to a Centra Care Clinic,  and especially not the Hunters Creek location, across from The Loop.  If I can't wait to go to my own doctor, then I go to the emergency room.  This time, despite the pain, I could have held out till Monday rather than have this rather unpleasant experience.

I made a "No Wait" online appointment for 10:40 AM.  I pre-registered online.  The person on the front desk took care of me in a timely manner.  She advised me there was only one person ahead of me.  I did not get called until 11:20, which put the whole "no wait" claim to lie.

The nurse who brought me to the back was pleasant, but lackadaisical.  She asked several questions which made it clear she had not bothered to even glance at the papers I had filled out.  When I mentioned the UTI, she looked mildly annoyed, and asked me to wait.  So I waited and waited and waited some more.  Finally she returned and asked if I could produce a urine sample, and gave me instructions, and then she went to sit.

Now it gets really bad: the restroom had no paper towels, NO HAND SOAP, and no garbage pail.  I do not care that there was a garbage pail and wall-mounted hand sanitizer just outside the restroom.  Not the same thing.  I was disgusted, annoyed, and more than a little freaked out.

I went back to the examination room and tried to catch the nurse's eye.  She was totally engrossed in her iPhone, and it took a while.  So I went back to the exam room and waited and waited and waited. Finally the doctor came in. The doctor was very pleasant.  I never did catch his name, which becomes problematic down the road.  I told him what the two problems were.  He took care of one and got ready to leave the room.  Totally forgot or ignored the other.

There was more that grossed me out and left me speechless, but I'll skip the details.  One last thing, though - so I brought the two prescriptions to my CVS and my pharmacist, a very dear and helpful man.  And he realizes the prescription does not have the name of the doctor, his address, the phone number, or his DEA number.  The prescription pads from Centra Care, which belongs to the Florida Hospital system, are not legally sufficent.  And when my pharmacist called them, after having to search for their number, the person on the phone did not seem to understand the problem, and was reluctant to give the pharmacist the information.

I did not expect this - I had used this office when I had the Worker's Comp claim last year, and there were no problems, and certainly nothing to gross me out.  But DAMN, something changed, and not for the better.

Okay, enough stomach-turning talk.  Let's move over to the good stuff - TAMALES.

The first time I made tamales, I made a relatively small batch using one of Bobby Flay's recipes and it was awesome, although not authentic.  And it was a lot of work.  (I've had this tamale at both Mesa Grill restaurants, and authenticity be damned.  It is simply one of the best things I've ever tasted).

The next time I decided to try a traditional recipe, and set out to prepare Family Chicken Tamales, a recipe from my Tamales 101 book.  It was an experience which I related in this blog's August 28, 2011 post.  It was a RIDICULOUS amount of work.  It was after that experience that  I learned that in Latino families preparing tamales at home was a group effort, and all the female relatives would get together and produce copious amounts of tamales on an assembly line that would make Henry Ford proud.  And even with all the help, they were only made for a major holiday like Christmas.

I've never been totally comfortable with group cooking, although I've had some good times cooking with my son. as well as with my niece, Mara.  The problem is that Cory is usually at work, or out playing airsoft, and Mara - well, Mara lives in New Jersey.  So if I want tamales - and I do - I'm going to have to reduce the amounts being prepared, and break up the project across several days.

Since I spent a good part of the day being grossed out at Centra Care, all I managed to get done was seeding the dried chilies.  At this rate, these tamales are going to take me two weeks.

Time well spent.

By the time you read this, it will be Father's Day.  Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there, and most especially to my husband Robert, my father-in-law Murray, and my Pop, Hy Morris.  This Wednesday, June 24, will be 32 years since I lost my Pop to cancer.  Father's Day has never been the same since.

Mourning Charleston - Chicken-Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

Some events are too awful to imagine.  Too difficult to wrap your mind around.  Too shocking to absorb. What the hell just happened in South Carolina?  

Today is a bad day as dictated by the neurons in my brain.  I feel out-of-sorts.  Aches and pain, of course, but it's a mood thing as well.  My brain is foggy, so that simple tasks cannot be completed in any sort of linear fashion.  Even as I'm typing this, I want to stop and do something else, like storing the plastic containers I bought yesterday.  I am trying to do some cooking, but having an awful time starting and staying on task.  The cooking and writing should flow seamlessly - on its better days, this is a cooking blog - but I am having the damnedest time trying to prepare the stuffed portobellos.  I've made some changes, but can't seem to record them in any sort of ordered fashion.

A Variation on Diane Mott Davidson's Portobello Mushroom Stuffed With Grilled Chicken

4 Monterey brand portobello mushrooms stuffed with spinach and artichoke
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup dry sherry
1 tablespoon fresh herbs, chopped (I used tarragon and thyme)

With a fork, gently move the filling so that the gills are exposed around the edge of each mushroom cap. In a measuring cup, combine the olive oil, sherry, and herbs, and whisk together.  Let this sit for about a half hour.  Carefully spoon 2 tablespoons of the marinade on the exposed gills of each mushroom cap.  Leave this at room temperature while you prepare and marinate the chicken.  When you are ready to grill the chicken, spread out the spinach artichoke filling across the entire mushroom cap, and then pop them under the broiler for about 4 minutes.

Goldy Schulz, the main character in The Last Suppers, gets her herbaceous flavors from basil-based pesto, but I decided to try tarragon and thyme for the mushrooms, and yes, fresh from my garden.  The marinade for the chicken, on the other hand, is all about garlic, green onion, and home-grown oregano, but that's a bit later.  Tarragon and thyme both go very well with mushrooms, as does using sherry for a marinade base.  The inspiration for using the tarragon comes from my friend Vicki Feldman, who is probably going to shake her head when she reads this:

It was very late in 1975.  I was between marriages, back home with my parents, and totally at loose ends.  I had met Vicki through her husband Steve, an old friend of mine from New Paltz.  They invited me to their home in Westchester for a New Year's Eve party, and to meet an unattached young man who would be there as well.  I don't remember his name, or the city he hailed from in Massachusetts, but I do remember that Vicki had prepared delicious stuffed mushrooms for the party and what made them exceptional was her addition of tarragon.  That's when I learned that tarragon goes really well with mushrooms.  Thanks, Vicki!

2 large chicken breast halves, cut in half horizontally, and then cut in half across
kosher salt
ground black pepper
1/4 cup garlic flavored extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2 green onions, white and light green parts sliced thinly
1/2 tablespoon fresh oregano leaves, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped sun-dried tomatoes
4 slices Swiss cheese

Place the chicken in a baking dish.  Season evenly with the salt and pepper. Combine the olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, green onion and oregano, and whisk together.  Pour this marinade over the chicken and let sit at room temperature for an hour.  Grill the chicken for 1 to 2 minutes (I used my Cuisinart Griddler) and return to the baking dish with the marinade. Divide the sun-dried tomatoes evenly and sprinkle across each mushroom cap.  Place 2 pieces of the chicken on each mushroom cap, and then evenly divide the remaining marinade components and liquid.  Place in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, and place a slice of cheese over each. Return to the oven for an additional 10 minutes, until the cheese is melted and everything is heated through.  Serve immediately.

That's just gorgeous.  Gorgeous and impressive.  And I have it on good authority that they were delicious.

Speaking of impressive, I'm going to be making tamales, specifically Red Pork Chili Tamales, another recipe from Tamales 101 by Alice Guadalupe Tapp.  Once I made that decision, I kinda went nuts with other dishes to go with the tamales.  The tamales are a lengthy project that will stretch out over days - good thing, because the avocados and the yellow plantains are nowhere near ripe enough.

Yes that's lard.  It has a place in the masa.  The pigeon peas are for arroz con gandules (rice with peas).  The refried beans are for my refried beans with everything recipe .

The yellow plantains will be turned into maduros, and the avocados into a rich dip that can also be used as a sauce, both in the fullness of time. I am recklessly mixing the menu with Mexican, Puerto Rican, South American and Tex-Mex recipes and having a grand time.

To wrap today up - it has been unbelievably difficult to watch the news reports of the victim's families' statements to the murderer, during his bond hearing.  My heart is broken for them and for the city of Charleston.

God give them strength.