Not unexpected, but unwelcome just the same, excruciating pain. If my body was was a movie theatre, it would be praised for its Surround Sound capabilities, but since all it is, is a fragile sack of protoplasm, this poor old body hurts everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Some places worst than others; on a scale of 1 to 10, my back pain registers an eleven, while my legs and shoulders are hovering between eight and nine.
My mind is befuzzed and I am feeling guilty - there is paperwork that has to be done, and emails to respond to, and faxes to send. I can't quite focus, so these tasks linger, taunting me from their neat pile of notes in the stack on my corner of the kitchen counter.
Noise bothers me today. If the door between the house and office squeaks one more time I am going to borrow a gun and shoot it off its hinges. Yes, that bad.
My dearly beloved Orlando Magic took pity on me last night and turned in a win, over the New Orleans Pelicans, which is a damn stupid name for a basketball team, if you ask me (which you didn't). The oddly-named team plays in an oddly-named venue - the Smoothie King Arena. Frankly I'd be embarrassed to play in New Orleans, but since I am unlikely to ever be invited to play on an NBA team, I won't have to hurt anyone's feelings. Especially Ryan Anderson, because he used to play for the Magic until some idiot in the front office let him go. Pah - I still miss Jameer Nelson.
My mood, which was reasonably good despite the pain, has gone steadily southward, and not just because the Magic are going to lose to the Houston Rockets tonight. This is the part of the depression that rides shotgun with the fibromyalgia, and when I don't feel well physically, it takes advantage of my weakened state and creeps into my head. I'd say it's a good thing I am heading to my therapist's appointment in a little while, except I'm worried about my therapist which is silly. I've always kept a distance between myself and my therapists (Transference? Who dat?), but I've been seeing the same therapist for such a very long time it's hard for me not to notice little things. I am a Jewish mother. So sue me.
Two days - I started the above post two days ago. Still can't finish it, and there will be no Swedish meatball recipe for you today either. My most profuse apologies. This has been a long stretch of pain, five days, no breaks and getting worse, and I've got a full-on fibro flair going here. Never mind. Maybe tomorrow will be better for all of us.
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